I am new to this board as well as my marriage. I love my wife more than she will ever know. We have been married for a little over 2 Months. We have not had sex the last month and a half. I am begining to wonder if it is something with me.I have tried talking to her about it but she gets mad. She has also told me that she is not happy with herself and her looks. I happen to think she is gorgeous. Any advice out there?

Marriage is the goofiest thing. Something happens, and I think that we then project our pasts onto our partners and thereby heal ourselves.

The funny thing is that marriage is so different from dating. You're not married to the same person you were dating. You're married to your wife. She is an integral part of you, and now her weaknesses are your weaknesses. In my opinion, you now share burdens that were once your own.

I've had a pretty rough marriage for the first 5 years. Sex has been fine, but a lot of other things haven't. Maybe my marriage has been rough because of my opinions about marriage. I fully expected our happy dating years to just continue, but basically, my wife's abusive past came up to haunt us. It was horrible. Really. She just went into old patterns from her abusive childhood.

Yes, your wife gets mad. Maybe she's sheltering herself. Maybe there are books somewhere on how to compliment a beautiful but self-conscious woman. My wife could sure use it. She's beautiful, and when I call her beautiful, she says, "you have to say that, you're my husband," as if to sas my compliments don't count.

My best advice would be to chill out. Sex, like financial well being, can be like the weather. I also suggest going as far as you can on your own, but if you don't seem to be speaking eye to eye...if you don't feel like both parties understand and are understood...then seek assistance from the get go. Talk with a family counselor either at church or elsewhere.

Say "our marriage is important enough for me to invite you to seek counseling with me."

Also, I don't think it's bad for you to take care of yourself in the shower or something. She's probably having a rough time with herself, and it's coming out at you.

It is also possible that "everything" about your marriage, your life, your wife's treatment of you sexually, your health, your financial well-being...everything rests in you.

It's also possible that if you simply work on yourself, your own issues, whatever they may be, and you completely let go even of any thoughts about how your wife "should" behave...that you will have everything you could have ever dreamed of and more.

The tough part, for me, is "what do you do while your wife is yelling at you?" and "what do you do when you get attacked for no reason?"

There's a lot worse out there, lovehurts25, so I wish the two of you the very best.

D--

have you tried telling others how gorgeous you think she is. In front of her and not in front of her. Maybe if word of mouth came back to her from someone she might stop being so skeptical and self degrating. Sometimes it takes things like that to heal old wounds that ohterwise might be passed aside and make bigger problems later on . . ???

hi lovehurts,
how old are the 2 of you and what are your backgrounds?
how long did you date? first marriage for both of you?
did you have sex before marriage? how was it?
how was the sex the first 2 weeks of your marriage?
did you discuss it?

she says she isn't happy w/ her looks....what does she complain about?
women usually want to FEEL sexy before they feel comfortable seeking sex?
could it be that she feels unnatractive because YOU have not been iniating?

how does she get made when you bring it up?
how do you bring it up?