Ok so where do you meet people??? I have talked to people on line - one example the last guy spoke to on line everyday all through the day for like 3 months and he basically stood me up three times then just basically fell off the face of the earth and didn't even bother to talk to me again.. and he found me on a dating site and contacted me - and my picture was posted.... why do people do that??? I haven't dated that much at all... I will be divorced four years in September and well I am aggravated about even trying.. and you know I think I would be ok without even dating if everyone in my life didnt' give me crap about not dating... How do you find someone normal or at least reliable?? And if you dont' how do you let other people know that it is ok that you aren't dating???

Hey maw,

I found my STBfiance online.

Here were my rules for "engagement".

Avoid the obvious players. Those are the guys that put a lot of sexual language and hints in their ads or obviously throw in girly stuff like sipping wine by a fire. (Seems like most men would rather sip beer watching a game.)

Avoid the guys that show off their bodies in pictures. They know way too little if they think that women are as visually stimulated as men are.

Try for your own sanity to find ones that are nearby. Limit yourself to only one or two emails before setting up a phone date where YOU call HIM to keep your anonymity.

LISTEN to what he says. If he is not too bright or whatever he will give it away. If you like to talk and he doesn't - it's probably not a good fit. etc. If he has significant problems, a phone call or two will reveal that.

Don't let too much time go by before you schedule a coffee date.

Then meet with him somewhere safe.

Guys dropped out when the emails went on for too long - they just don't like to type or are busy like everyone else. That and the fact that you can screen a bunch quickly by talking or meeting makes it much more attractive to me to get off the mail and on the phone.

I probably screened 50 guys before I met my guy.
Went to the phone with maybe 10.
Went out with maybe 4 or 5.
Ended up with 1. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

V.

Sunnyva - good advice.. maybe that was it - too much computer talking but we did schedule the dates and he never called me on the phone except for once and I gave him my number - so who knows...Sometimes I honestly don't think it is worth it...and i know that attitude isn't going to help me on my quest that is just how I feel somedays --- I mean honestly I don't get how most people go from one person to the next like it is no big deal and then there are a few like me that wait for years and years....

MAW,

Don't forget that I screened 50 guys!

I approached the whole thing with casual confidence. These were strangers and I was a bright, successful gal.

I started looking for what I liked and looking for mutual attraction. There were several guys that acted crazy for me that I passed by and it was easy because I wasn't attached to them.

Another reason why the whole thing worked well when it was done quickly. I was not attached emotionally. I could sit back and say hmmmm.

Like AGG - casual dating.

V.

So I need to take the casual approach - couldnt' some tall dark handsome guy just come knocking at my door??? what do you think wouldn't that be much easier??? I am thinking it would - then I wouldn't be paranoid about rejection or getting hurt - it would be simple... OK in my dreamworld I am thinking...

I'm with you maw, I'm frustrated at not being able to meet someone, I've done the online thing with no real luck, (not to mention I belong to a run club and I played in a co-ed sports league this summer), and can't find anyone to ask me out. I'm sick of other people always going on about or asking about if I've met someone yet, like that's THE definition of happiness or success in life. But then I also have this little voice in my head that really wants to find the man of my dreams - but I worry that I'm preprogrammed by some sort of Cinderella syndrome - that the only way to be happy is to be in love, etc. It's a volley-ball game in my head lately, between feeling like I need to start being more agressive to find a man, and between giving up and defiantly being happy and single. Sigh, it sucks, I hate watching people around me couple off all of the time, and it seeming so easy for them.

Good luck to you with this stupid dating thing! Perhaps you can avoid the cynical, bitter outlook I keep feeling myself falling into.

Jen:)

Jen unfortunately I believe I am in that cynical bitter outlook... but hoping to come out of it... with flying colors... You know??? and I hope you do to - we deserve to be happy with all of the crap we have been through - I am not a member of any kind of clubs maybe that is something that I need to look into ... you know good idea I will search that this morning... school is starting life will become very hectic for me... but again - I deserve the life not the carting around the kids and hiding in their activities life... you know???