The OW who use to be my best friend showed up at my door a few days ago. She was having an affair with my husband. Her children and my children were close as well. Her children were like my own. They thought of me as their aunt. I had been in their lives since they were born, literally. I was in the delivery room when they were born. It has been almost 5 months since D-day. The reason why she stopped by was to let me know that if I wanted to keep in contact with her children I could. She said they are sad that they can't come over and they just don't understand why. They are 5 and 4. She also wanted to let me know that she was sorry and if she could take everything back she would. I listend to her for an hour and a half. I just couldn't shut the door in her face, even though i probably had every right. She doesn't seem well. She doesn't seem like she is trying to move on.
Here is my question. I would love to stay in contact with her children, but I just don't see how it is possible. I think it would just reopen doors that shouldn't be open. I just am not sure what to do. Does anyone have experience with a situation like this. Our families were so close my husband was also best friends with hers. We were more like family then friends, so it is very hard to think that her children will not be in my life. I am just not sure what to do. Please help


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Set her free... tell her ...

"No, the door is closed. We are not going to be friends. I wish you well. Goodbye."

Pep

stay away, she chose to loose her children's friends and you and your children shouldn't have to pay by them reconnecting. You kids can make and should make new friends.

the OW who is not your friend is trying to keep a connection that needs to be severed alive. Connecting to your kids keeps her connected to your WS.

Which is worse, the betrayal of your best friend or your husband?

I couldn't imagine continuing a relationship her family.

I'm so sorry for your situation.

This woman was never your "best" friend, or even your friend. Real friends don't sleep with your spouse.

As far as the children, since they are still quite young (4/5), they'll get over the loss quickly and create new friends. Its time to move on for both families.

Trying to maintain a friendship with her children will only keep the door open for more possible descention and betrayal. Yes, people make mistakes, but why would you want to continue any connection with someone that may likely raise their children using a broken moral compass.

Forgive her and move ahead without this toxic relationship.

JMVHO,
Jo

There are consequences for every sin . This included i agree.

Not that you dont forgive her but it is just NOT WISE to allow her near your family.

The most beautiful of snakes can be the most deadly. They are not big either.

Apology and sincerity does not mean allowance.

Good that she is sorry.

Wish her well and go.

... for all you know, she was hoping to catch a look at your husband!

did'ja think of that?

Pep

I am so glad you checked in. How are you doing?

I am with the others- no contact at all- not even the kids. I know that is hard, but it has to be done.

How are things in your marriage?

Have you guys given any more thought to moving?

I have thought about you so many time. I was your way in July and really thought about you then. I've been praying for you.

I agree no contact, if she would sleep with your husband she would not hesitate to use her children to remain close to your husband, nope she lost that right, send her on her way, don't feel sorry for her, she wasn't worried about your feelings, or your kids or her kids. IMHO

Wow. This is a total no brainer when you simply use the addiction analogy.

If you husband had been previously an alcoholic, would you keep booze out on the table and offer him a sip?

Is he had been a crack addict, would you put a pipe with some fresh crack lying on the coffee table?

If he had been in an affair with a woman, would you let her back near your family?

Good lord, no.

She comes to you, asking to let the childrens friendship be revived, as if it were you who had control of this. In truth it was she that ended this friendship forever. Feel zero guilt and move on.

Having been in the exact same situation re the friends more like family with my wife's OM and his family, I have to agree with everyone here. My youngest son was devastated when we killed contact with OM's son. Just the wages of sin. It's best for YOU and YOUR recovery and Family that there be no contact.

i would let her know that her choices affected all of the people in both of your families.....and you all have to live with that....maybe she should have thought about someone other than herself BEFORE she had an A with your H...too late now

do not have any more contact with her or her children.....put them in the past and shut the door forever

you don't have to hate or even dislike someone before you make the decision they are not a healthy benifit for your life and your family

say "good-bye forever"

and say it guilt-free !!!

don't allow her sad face to place guilt where it does NOT belong ~~~> on YOU!

Pep

You can still love those children -- from a distance.
You won't be seeing them, but you can still care about them.

And one of the best ways to care about them is to protect their family from the re-start of an affair between their mommy and your husband.

The most loving thing you can do is protect them from that.

You received very good advise - I'll just second what everyone else said.

I do give her credit for apologizing. That will mean alot in your own personal recovery. I know that my WH many OW/MOW will never apologize to me for thier part in destroying me or for stepping into my life.

If her kids are still a part of your life - they will be a daily reminder of your FWH affair and that's something noone needs.


HUGS

I have pretty much decided that I am not going to have contact with anyone in her family, including her children. This has been very hard but I think I have weighed all the options, and no contact is probably best. My question is should I call or set up a meetin to tell her. I feel if I don't make it clear to her there needs to be absolutely no contact she will keep showing up whenever she feels alone. She has already done this a few times...she called a month after d-day, wrote me an email 3 months after d-day, and then showed up at my door 5 months after d-day. I just think I need to make it clear that we are not friends anymore and there needs to be no more contact.

send a certified letter, return rreceipt.

Tell her no contact

tell her any further contact will be considered harrassment and you will file charges.

Sorry - I can't give her credit. She's asking you and your children to remove the consequence of her (and your husband's) attack on your family. She's asking YOU to make it all better.

Murder. Adultery. Rape. Those are irrepairable harms to whatever was friendship or relationships before the act.

There's no going back. She can teach her children that - or she can teach them that some people can't forgive - if she's small-brained enough to teach her children immorality is pardonable... But you can't help that.

You must teach your children correct principles though - and you do this by keeping the families separate - children do make new friends.

I speak from experience. The first thing the OW said to me after my husband and I first cut the EA cords she clung to our family with - what about our children???

Ya! What about our children? Didja think!?

Our son got over the loss of the friendship. I don't know about hers because I don't know what poison victim story she spun out of our insistance of no contact. We have refused contact. Even when she had her husband drive up to our doorstep with family in tow - waiting in the car for my husband to welcome them all back in two years later...

Not gonna fly. Not then. Not now. Not ever.