Post deleted by Scared_Sane

I'll sit and wait to see what Pep or Mel have to say to you. Should be quite interesting. Maybe brace yourself. LOL

Jo

BTW: Welcome. You have found the right place for Marriage Building support.

Scared,

I would approach my wife as you have done and be crystal clear with her as to your feelings and the strength of your temptations. Ask her to recomend a male friend that you can use as a mentor and sounding board for when you feel the temptaion becoming overwhelming.

Become and maintain transparency to your wife. Tell her all passowrds, let her check all cell phone and land phone bills. Make yourself accountable to a check in during the workday.

Best of luck

One other thing, the Emotional Needs (EN) Board may also be a good place to post.

You've posted this under GQII which is below "Infidelity" and since you haven't experienced an affair in your marriage you may not get many hits.

Jo

Tempted,

Oh, I think he will get his share of 'hits' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL Cymanca - I'll put money on that too

Your church group should be very helpful. I hope they have told you about the book by Eldredge called "Wild at Heart". It is an excellent book.

Sounds to me like a bit of a midlife crisis. You have it made and are not appreciating it.

Perhaps you can look for some other challenge. It is great to have something you are striving for, all of your life.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> *snort*

In all your mental wandering around, do you ever wonder if your wife might be better off sexually with a "new man" .... perhaps a man with a longer/wider/friskier "hoo-haw" ?

Whatever mental cheating you allow yourself, give her equal time in your imagination.

Then, imagine her being told by her Doctor that she has genital herpes, which she contracted from you. Imagine her tear streaked face as her heart breaks in a million pieces.... sexy, isn't it?

Pep

Ive tried to be real honest. Its all out.. But when I rehash it, it hurts her..
I have a couple of guy friends, that Im real open with. Ive found help there.

Very very good point.. Im just an average looking guy.. what makes me think I deserve such a girl.. Right? Good point..

Post deleted by Scared_Sane

wrong!

not the "point" I was making ....

how much would it hurt YOU if your wife was looking at other men the way you are looking at other women?

imagine that for awhile ... whenever your mind travels where you don't want it to go ... switch seats with your wife

that would right away cool off the loins

or not?

Pep

I doubt its a disorder of any kind. But I do think you should stick around and read all you can about marriage.

So what if you've been married for a while, doesn't make you an expert. No one ever taught any of us HOW TO BE MARRIED for the rest of our lives.

Take my advice, post your story over on Emotional Needs too, lots of folks with similar challenges over there as well.

This is an important bit of info with regard to your perceptions.

ahh, I see.. Yes, I dont know.. Im not really the jealous type.. but then again, never been given a reason to be jealous.. I'll think about that one..I guess I wouldnt like it..

Go read here, Scared: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD

Scared_Sane,

Welcome to this board. You’ve have taken the first step on your journey of healing from this temptation e.g. confessing and reaching out for help on this board and your church group. This is a very good start! Confessing is the start of healing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Since you’re a religious person who seek help from your church group, I think you will also benefit greatly from reading the following thread (just click on the link):

[b]Growing through & defeating temptation[/b].

I will also bump the above thread for you. Please read the whole two chapters on temptation on this thread.

And yes, the book believer suggested to you “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge is indeed very good. I have bought the book myself and is busy reading it. I also want to buy and read John Eldredge's book version for women named “Captivating”.

What is the background of these "guy friends".

You mentioned you "pray with your wife" and I'm assuming you go to church.

Are these "guy friends" of religious bent or just friends from the neighborhood?

If religion is important to you, then you need to surround yourself with "guy friends" that will help you live up to the standards of your religious beliefs.

One of the easiest to understand object lessons I've used with youth groups is to have one person stand on a chair. Put another person standing on the ground beside them. Have the person on the chair try and pull the one on the ground up to them -- not easy. Then have the one on the ground try and pull the other off the chair -- much easier.

The point -- it's easier for people to pull you down to their level than for you to pull them up to yours. If your "guy friends" don't share your conviction for fidelity and truth in a marriage, they will make it easier to excuse your wandering tendencies and potentially act on them.

Surround yourself with solid guys that will keep you strong and hold you individually and personally accountable.

Best of luck.

My friends are good commited men. Thats what is so weird about my situation.. I really do avoid bad influences..