I was just wondering what the guys would think of my situation relating to dating.I have not started that yet
(don't feel quite ready).Anyone can chime in with their thoughts.

About a year after I found out about my ex's A,my mom moved in with me to help me take care of my kids and also helped emotionally.We have always been very close and she is also very close with my kids,they adore her.She willingly agreed to do this right away.It was,and is,only temporary,as I do not want to live with my mom the rest of my life nor does she want to be here forever too.

Well a long time has passed now,over 2 years and it's been great having her here.She has helped,in a way,fill in the void of my exwh not being here.We have family dinners,go out a lot and my mom is a great grandparent.She is the kind that gets on the floor and plays with them and can be silly too.It's been fun for me too since we get along so well and I don't think I could ever "repay" her for taking time out of her life for being here for me and the kids when my ex was off in his little self absorbed world.

So,my question is: how do guys feel about dating a woman whose mom lives with her?

On the one hand,I thought that her being here would crimp my style ( i.e. no privacy) but then,my kids are here too so she is just one more family member that a potential date would deal with.

On the other,I feel so ambivalent about her moving out now.It's not like I depend on her and she needs to stay but that I really enjoy having her here.I also go back and forth weekly about wanting to say,ok it's time mom.She already knows how I feel and is ready for that day when I do say,it's time.I know she will be sad.We have talked about how nice it'sbeen being together.I feel lucky since I know many other women would do well to only see their mom a few times a year and don't get along well.

Anyway,that's my dilemma.I was thinking about next Spring to split but I also don't feel a need to exact a date yet.

Ok,what say ye?

Thanks for any input.

I see no reason to set a time-frame.
I think its wonderful!

If your mom were to move out -- would she still be nearby?

I feel very lucky, when my kids were pre-school age I paid my mom to be their nanny. Best experience ever. My kids are so close to their Grandma. And I had the comfort of leaving them with someone I trusted completely!

how do guys feel about dating a woman whose mom lives with her?

I was married to one. X and MIL were/are attached at the hips. I made the huge mistake of purchasing a duplex and moving the inlaws into the upper unit.

Having the IL's under the same roof was a major contributer to the demise of my marriage.

Yes, it was great having a live-in baby sitter. Yes it was wonderful seeing my DD and her grandparents develop a bonding relationship. Yes, it had plenty of perks. No, it was not good for my marriage.

I see no problem at all with dating a woman who lives with her mom. I would talk to your mom about some privacy issues should you invite a boyfriend over for dinner or a movie so nothing gets too awkward.

Hey, your Mom is forvever, boyfriends will come and go. Should you meet Mr.Right and want to marry him, then Mom should find a place of her own.

Actually you are blessed that your Mom is living with you!

Keith

A couple that used to post on the EN board also had a MIL under the same roof. They are currently on divorce row, waiting out the 1 year mandatory time period in Canada.

I believe the MIL sitch was a contributing factor in the demise of their marriage as well.

Dating is one thing. Anything beyond that is a recipe for disaster.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Lexxxy,thanks.I feel it's wondeful too and yes,she would be sort of near by when she moves out.She lived in the same town I do.We both love this town and even if we weren't mother/daugther,I bet we both would have ended up here at some point!

ba, I'm not talking marriage.By all means no.I just mean the initial stages of dating and again I know my mom won't be here much longer.I know I would not want my mom or any relative living with me while married.

Keith, privacy could be a concern but we have a large home so mom could go into the other half of the house and my date and I would have plenty of privacy.But it's still awkward,as you say,to have her here and date too.Definitely she would not be here if I were to marry again and that in itself is a whole 'nother dilemma!

Hoping for more replies if possible.

As far a dating is concerned... I have no issue with this. As a matter of fact what I would notice is a close knit family. It is an appealing quality to me.

While dating it is time to really look at the OP. Then you will understand the dynamics of the sitch and the family. THEN you could decide if you like it or not.

In my sitch we live next door to MIL (about 200 yrds away). For the most part it has worked out well for everyone.

Good luck, I hope you meet someone that is good to you!

Not inherently a problem, in my view. If that's the sort of thing that would chase away a guy before he even got to know the situation, then I'm not sure he's the kind of guy you'd want.

In fact, I happen to like meeting family and friends of someone I think I may be interested in as soon as possible. You can learn a lot about someone that way.

I married a woman who never lived away from home until we married, and I would not do that again.

So, I would look carefully at someone who lived with mom or mom lived with her.

I'm not saying I would rule them out, but in my experience, it would be at least a yellow or orange flag, perhaps not reaching red flag status.

Thanks for the replys.

wtf,

I don't come from a large family so it is important to me that my Mom and I are close.I feel good that we are as I have witnessed women friends who are not and it's sad.They sometimes have not been able to even enjoy grandchildren due to hard feelings,etc.I am not going to live with her for long,just wondering about the dating prospects and how it may look to the guys.Thanks for the well wishes.You too!

gdp,



Thanks.I feel this way too.I would like to meet the family of any man I date earlier than later.That is one reason I felt so good about my ex ( back then). I really liked his family.I still do and we get along great despite everything.I still consider them family and they feel the same about me.That was one thing I was happy not to have lost in the aftermath of my ex's A.It's said that you can tell the way a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother.Not sure if that's entirely true but does have some credence in my book.

ee,



I have lived far away from my mom,on the opposite side of the country in fact.That's not an issue.I have had my independence and am really secure being on my own.Especially now too.We just enjoy eachother's company and she is a special person. I am blessed to know her and have her as a mom too.Thanks for your input.

I think living with mom is OK for a while, but a man will wonder if you will be available for him or if you will have to squeeze him in when mom doesn't demand your time.