I am going to Every Heart Restored, but my husband went to Everyman's Battle and had a great experience and also gained accountability partners and has a weekly phone meeting. He seems to have a different understanding of things and it meant a lot to me that he went.

Everyman's Battle

Anyway, I just wanted to let people know that this resource was out there and that it was very helpful. While many of the men struggle with pornography, it speaks to men who have had affairs because the focus on sexual integrity and false intimacy.

I usually don't post unless I feel I have something important to say, and I feel very strongly about my husbands experience with this workshop. I will give an update on my weekend in a few weeks.

Loy,

Thanks for posting this link to New Life Ministries. The problem of false intimacy is really at the heart of sexual sin, in my opinion. I'm reading Everyman's Battle now and it is not a book without depth and a true authentic perspective regarding men and the battle for sexual purity.

I would recommend this for all men to read, because it doesn't simply name the symptoms and problems associated with sexual impurity, but it challenges men to make a decision to stop.

Thanks again for posting this.

GREAT, LOY!

Ir'a good to hear from you and that this went well for your H.

Looking forward to learning from your experience...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No thanks.

I consider "Everyman's Battle" to be about the most insulting thing I've ever come across.

It's not "every" man. It's not even most of us.

How presumptuous.

That said, if you're a totally screwed up guy who can't behave or grow up, maybe it'll do you some good. But to assume "every" man is this way or could be this way or will be this way without "proper guidance" is ignorant and sickening.

JMHO

WAT

WAT,
have you read the book? If you did you certainly gained a different perspective from it.

I read it far enough to conclude it continues its huge mistake of its title - presupposing and therefore engendering inner conflict - and tops it off with a one-size-fits-all approach that suits a vanishingly small minority of men. Oh, and also inviting men to believe all the stereotypes and myths about women along the way.

Want more? OK

It wants males to feel ashamed every time they get an erection or admire the womanly form. I could not help but shake my head at the nonsense printed in this rag. Men without a sexual addiction don't need some self appointed shrink preaching that looking at women or fantasizing or masturbating is wrong. It’s not. This book will do more harm then good in the long run - for those naive enough to embrace it.

The real problem is that it trivializes sexual addiction - for the very small minority of men who have this mental disease. Have you ever known someone who has an eating disorder? Did you ever just sit down with them and say, "now look, just eat three times a day and you'll be okay and just use your willpower to do it." Do you honestly think that will work?

Won’t work for perverts, either. Do you think that wacko guy who admitted he killed the Ramsey child just for attention could be “cured” by this?

And to guilt wives with the nonsense that “giving” their husbands sex at least every 72 hours will prevent their eyes from wandering? Huh??? But guys, if your eyes DO wander, just “bounce them” in another direction! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

“Oh, I had to have an affair - my wife didn’t put out every 72 hours like the book said she should.”

Total, complete, frighteningly dangerous junk. Shallow, shallow, shallow. Simple minded. Dangerous for the very small number of men with REAL problems who need REAL solutions.

The authors of this book are in desperate need of two things, a lecture on biology...and a visit with a REAL psychiatrist.

Quacks.

JMHO

WAT

Ok,
Lets change the name to 'Almost every mans battle"
We live in a world where every where we go , sex is flashed in our faces. (BTW, I live around Las Vegas)
This is a huge , and I mean huge problem. Men thinking that all that is important is how a woman looks on the outside. False intimacy etc. I think you have your head in the sand to some degree.
You are right, not EVERY man struggles with this.. but I bet more than half do in this day and age.. The book was great in MHO.

I've got MY head in the sand?

More than half of all men struggle with sexual identity and think that all that is important is how a woman looks on the outside?

Are you serious?

Not on my planet.

If that were the case we wouldn't have the extent of civilization that we do.

Regardless of how many men can't control their urges AND have real problems - not simply problems of integrity - the way to help them is not through the methods promoted in this book.

The real problem with the approach espoused by these quacks is the assumption that "every man's" battle is one of choices. Not so for many of the problems they've described, and many "problems" they've described are not problems at all.

There's a HUGE difference between bonafide sexual addiction and admiring a "healthy" woman in a bikini on the beach.

WAT

I believe the authors are trying to confront a serious issue for many, many men not just some wacked out minority. The proliferation of pornography is real and as hundreds of thousands of men can attest is readily and easily attainable. The effects of which are debateable but not to be underestimated.

Some people may conclude that porn is wholesome and just a part of being a man just as much as these authors try to explain that viewing this stuff is detrimental. The idea is we can either embrace fantastic, unreal sexual situations and masturbate about it or we can seek a real intimacy the way God intended it to be with our wives.

Saying that only people with true sexual addictions are in danger is ignoring the very real dilemma that average men on a day-to-day basis are being bombarded with this stuff.

I agree that just because a man looks at a lingerie ad in the newspaper doesn't mean he's a sexual pervert. I find that a little bit of a reach. To wall yourself off from looking at any woman jogger just because you may get aroused is not also where I beleive the value of the message lies. Some of it needs to be taken with a grain of salt, saying, does this apply to me, where are my limits, what are my triggers?

But it also doesn't place the entire burden on us men to solve on our own issues that may not be imagined but real. And this is not something where one needs to be as flamboyantly deranged as Karr to need help in this area.

The book IMO does a good job citing scripture to help... the bottom line I think is sexual integrity is a very real issue in this day and age, the argument may be over how to define sexual integrity, some may think as long as you're not having intercourse outside of your marriage you're okay (see Bill Clinton) others, like these authors, say the threshold is much, much lower. I tend to think it's somewhere in between. But the real measure is not what I think, but what does the Bible say about it, what does God reveal about sexuality that we can cling to for healthy living?

The authors also never claim for us to do all of this by ourselves, by our own will, but they encourage men to make a decision and then to ask the Holy Spirit to help in the endeavor of fleeing sexual sin. This is at the heart of the book.

But if the idea is there is no sin unless we first agree to it, then why should any sexual misconduct matter at all?

Cory - perhaps you missed my point.


Yep, it's available.

If you partake of it and it consumes your life, you've got a problem that no amount of wishing is gonna fix.


Huh? Just because you see money in the bank, you're in danger of robbing it? What kind of "average" men to you associate with?

This goes back to my complaint about the approach this book takes - presupposing "every" man can't control his natural and normal temptations and "we need help". Sounds just like a liberal government program to me. I for one don't need that help and it's insulting to insinuate that I do.

WAT

Yea what he said.

PS: Do not marry career women.

j/k

Hmmmph! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I think I understand your point, you don't want to believe stereotypes about this. To have it not affect you is good, but to assume because it doesn't affect you or people you know that it's not a problem for a lot of other men is shortsighted. I would have to say our culture is oversexualized. Men are prone to visual stimulation and sexual sin is rampant in our society; this website can attest to that. If your complaint is the title is misleading because it generalizes something untrue about men, fine, I'm also not saying everything in the book or about the book is true, but IT IS right on about men making a decision to better themselves in this area.

Money in the bank... temptation is temptation and men do rob banks. It's not insulting to understand we need to curb some of our desires or we would all, and yes all of us, would be animals beholden to our appetites.

Just wondering why do young girls wrap up their worth in how they look? Why do you find more and more young girls under 14 dressing in sexier and sexier clothes, are boys their age generally looking? I certainly don't want any "normal" man looking at my daughter who because if I allowed her to dress and look like that, fantasize about her later while he is taking care of himself. Therefor my daughters don't dress like that.

There are many young girls that do because their parents just don't care. I've seen girls in elementary school wearing sexual clothes. Why because a lot of them and their parents(mothers) have their worth in whether guys/men look at them, whistle at them, acknowledge them. Girls are made to think that if they look this way someone will love them. I have a 16 year old that I will not allow to wear these clothes, I have a 13 y/o neice who does and who looks much older than she really is. You don't have to be a pervert to look at a female and then go fantasize about her, how do you know how old she is? Do you feel ok with men who may lust after your daughter? You have no problem with guys who may look at your daughter or for some granddaughter and then go take care of themselves while fantisizing about them? That's ok?

We ARE animals beholden to our appetites - and our reasoning ability and innate civilized tendencies. Humans are innately altruistic.

I'm not pretending it's not a REAL problem for many men, but it's not because our society is over sexualized. Standup comics are everywhere too, right? But we don't see uncontrolled laughter breaking out in the streets!

Yes, my objection is the over generalization of the title. But it's also the trivialization of "beyond integrity" sexual identity problems and the "it's all choices" shallow diagnosis, one-size-fits-all cure. It ain't that simple.

WAT

The program ain't simple. It's not shallow. Wat, you can always check out their radio archives and listen to their radio show.

You are insulted? What do you find insulting? That you're a sexual being?

They are not talking about fixing perverts. They are helping men channel their sexual energy towards their wife and build intimacy in their marraige. Is this what you're insulted by?

There is a lot more here. Check out their radio archives.

In my husband's case, he does not have problems with pornography, he is not a "pervert", but he did transfer his desires away from their proper place - his wife and put them onto someone else.

Loy - I've checked this out all I need to.

They're quacks.

You don't have to agree with me.



The insult is clear - this is NOT every man's problem, much less a battle.

How belittling and paternalistic to presume that every man needs this "help".

Normal men everywhere ought to be insulted.

Re-read what I wrote above - these quacks also presume to address REAL sexual identity problems - sexual addictions - the same way. Simply "channel" their energy. Right. Don't YOU see the danger in that?

If some guys get benefit for their marriages from this simple minded guidance, then they certainly needed it because they were too simple minded to figure it out on their own. Good for them. But for guys with REAL problems, this is exactly NOT what they need.

JMHO

WAT

I'm glad for this comment.

As a woman and a mother of a young girl, I wasn't insulted, I was disturbed by this thread and some of the comments of the men. I didn't read the book.

I live in the same world as men but am not bombarded every day by sexual temptation.

I don't have trouble keeping my thoughts in a good clean place.

I don't view men as sexual objects.

To think that the men in my life, and those who I admire on here and elsewhere are such dirty-minded, shallow creatures makes me ill...so I don't believe it, not for one second.

It might be some mens battle, a very few I hope, as a drug of choice type of thing (designed to avoid intimacy)...

If it were true, men would be so completely different from women in their mentality that we would definitely not have survived on this earth this long. We would not complement each other the way we need to do to live together as a civilization.

It doesn't make sense that it could be true.

Wat, because you are insulted does not mean that they are quacks.



This is just filled with disrespectful judgements. "You are stupid if you need this help" is indeed insulting.

We disagree. I hope other people take the time to form their own opinions, because it is recovering my marraige. It is Every Man's Battle that is helping to bring my husband home and teaching him how to create real intimacy at home. I wish I had more quacks like this in my life.

Loy,

I am so happy for you.

I will for sure read the book to form my own opinion.