I anticipate having a "conversation" with my wife over the weekend, about what is "best for our children". We have 3 kids aged 5.

I would like to be prepared with a good foundation for the discussion. So, i would like peoples' input, on what large-scale areas are good for children at that age?

The ones that jump to my mind are:

Love, Stability (of home, and life in general), safety. Health.
Happiness, to some degree.

I would request that people give large scale areas that will be (somwhat) recognizable by a wife in "the fog", as valid reaosns. Reasons that fit in the sentance,
"We need to do XYZ, because it provides .... for our children"


Previously, she has driven her demands based on a need for "stability for the children". I expect her to bring up other "needs". So I'd like to be prepared ahead of time to discuss the various likely needs that children have.

Techie--
I am sorry that I am not going to be much help!! But I just want you to know that you are not alone. I wonder EVERYday what my husband and I are teaching our children. Are we teaching them that when you love somebody you stick with them no matter what?? Or are we teaching them the complete opposite?? We have a teenage daugheter and son and I wonder if we are teaching them to let people 'walk' all over you. Or are there deeper meanings that they (and we) will learn later on!?!?

Sorry again for not being able to help. But maybe knowing that you are not alone in your fears...may help a little!! or at least I hope it does...

Fullofdoubt

How about the need to have parents who are appropriate role models to demonstrate excellent moral character and the ability to make well organized decisions to protect and cherish the family that they've decided to raise?

Sounds to me like they've got at least ONE parent doing that already Techie...now if your WS could only do her part in teaching it?

ditto OWL

Probably a pointless endeavor as her end of the "discussion" will likely be little more than attempts to rationalize unravelling their entire world to satisfy her itch and finding superficial structures of "stability" to ease her pangs of conscience.

If DS has 3 cookies every afternoon at 3:22 pm and blah blah blah blah blah blah it will make up for his loss of home life and stability of both parents actively engaged on a daily basis.

She wants to discuss how her choices can be MADE to be good choices..and she will resist any other perspective.

Well, I understand she will resist, in "creative" ways.

I just want to make sure that what I say, will be from a firm logical foundation.

If she says, "I want (this) because it provides xyz for the kids"... it would help me stand firm, if I have a pre-examined list of "I think xyz is best provided by (that), not (this)"

But if I cant think of something that provdes xyz on the spot... that puts me in a bad position.