OK..I understand now and agree..if the money is meant to sustain your children that is where it should go.

I really think that you should consider leaving at the very least temporarily until and unless he is willing to play by a more equitable set of rules.

If he is just not WILLING to do this then probably there isn't anyhting that you can do to salvage the marriage.

What other options could there be with someone who will not negotiate..denies you any cash flow of your own...will not allow you to know the truth about YOUR life by refusing to disclose bills etc...I'm sorry but I just don't regard that as a functional dynamic.

I have considered leaving several times..but I have nowhere to go. Also, my children don't want to leave the area ..this is their home. I am an immigrant and I would have to go back to Canada.

I have a bank account for my child support to go into.. my husband thinks he should be allowed to be on this account because he put my name on his account.
He does have access to see what I spend the money on but he cant make withdrawls etc. I do have that right on the joint account but again I don't use it unless he instructs me to do so. If I need extra money I have to ask for it, which I rarely do.

He has spent a lot of time trying to convince me that this is how marriage is! I know he is wrong but I have no support from anyone.
He was married for 16 yrs before.. he was a stay at home father.. he had an affair before his children were born.
From what his family tells me..and his ex wife tells me..he wasn't this way before..so it must be somethign I am doing!?

No...rule number one...you do not and can not control his actions and you do not take responsibility for them...his decisions are his decisions and he made those decisions of his own free will for whatever reason.

The "something" that you refer to doing may be simply that you tolerate this inequity rather than telling him to go pound sand when he tried.

well he called me from work today ..after I had contacted him about the cell bill and basically said to me..same old s**t..and I told him..thats cus you keep doing the same old things.
he says f**k you alot to me.. then said we would discuss this when he gets home!

OK..and your end of the discussion looks a lot like this..


******************************************************

because you will not be there when he gets home...you will be in a womans shelter [I'm sorry but his behavior is scary...this would be my first choice]

alternatively...

"H, I am not satisfied with our current arrangment and I no longer agree to accept it. This is a deal breaker, are you willing to negotiate or shall I begin divorce proceedings?"

I didn't respond because he hung up on me.

He told me if we get divorced that we have to do it ourselves because we can't afford a lawyer..he has also told me that he won't have to pay anything because he will tell them I refused to work ..in essence this is true..but for the first 3 yrs..I was looking after both my kids and his and he had no problem with me not working then.
I realize he is saying a lot of things to try and scare me and control me.
sigh

Erm...yeah he is.

Go get a lawyer anyway...you have absolutely no reason to believe that he is telling you the truth about your finances..and since you haven't a clue as to their standing.

Marital asset split are not affected by your MUTUAL decision to divide the workload as you have. You are 1/2 of the marriage ..half of the assets are yours.

He is blowing smoke up your @ss in an attempt to further control and abuse you...please...PLEASE get out at least temporarily because this really is a SICK situation you have going.