Hi,
I'm new here. I've been reading for about 2 weeks now, but this is my first post.
Quick update on us. Together 10yrs, married 4 this month. We have one daughter (1.5yrs) and are now expecting our 2nd.
H and I were separated Mar 8, 06 after a domestic dispute in which I ended up calling the police for help. Nothing physical happened, mostly it was yelling and him trying to intimidate me w/words. He scared me that night so I called 911 for help. BUT because I told them he took the phone from my hand when trying to call for help, the city slapped a NC order on us for over 1 month and wanted to send him to jail for that "interferring in an emergency call". I was shocked.
During this time we could not speak for fear of him going to jail.
We did discuss divorce several times as we just werent getting along and things were bad for a long time. We did see eachother once the NC was lifted, but things were akward to say the least.
Cut to June. Family obligations caused us to reunite and we ended up sleeping together several times that one weekend.
H said he wanted me back, wanted to come back, loved me, wanted more kids with me...but I was nervous. I said "not yet".
As it turns out, seems I was already practicing Plan A, even though I didnt even know it. I was strong, confident, not crying, trying to show him what he was missing whenever we did see eachother. Guess it worked.
Several weeks later, H calling most days, being nice, loving, etc, we decide to get back together. He moved home.
But, back to the story:
WH was home 1 week, when our cell phone bill came and I casually went thru it. I had NEVER done so before, but my gut must have told me to check...and its a good thing I did.
I found out about the A...which started back in May, so was a total of 3 months at that time.
They chatted and texted for HOURS..and HUNDREDS of texts during the day its amazing they could get any work done during that time.
I was devastated. I called the # on the bill and the woman on the other end said she knew my WH as a friend of her friends. Turned out to be true..the woman I spoke w/was the babysitter for OW.
I confronted WH about it. Denial all they way until after many hang ups, call backs, he finally said, yes, he knows her and we would discuss it later.
Long story short, WH SWORE he ended the A by that point, but I went thru phone records like a madwoman only to find that the week he moved back home, he called her and saw her most nights.
One night our daughter fell, and we took her to the the Emergency room... and he texted OW from there! Then spoke w/her as soon as we got home and I went to bed. I was SO ANGRY!
The Friday of the 1st week WH was home, he spent the night away from the house. At that point I wasnt clued into the OW, so I believed his story of drinking w/friends and staying out until 5am. Didnt want to be a naggy wife, so let him go have his fun.
Well, I'm sure you can figure out that he was w/ OW that night too.
WH still denied the PA. Said nothing happened. Hardly wants to talk about it at all, which is so hard for ME because I want to/need to know EVERYTHING! He is NOT being transparent. Everything I know, is because of my militant snooping!!
I found out her name, her address, phone numbers, even found a picture of her in his wallet. Needless to say, its true when they always AFFAIR DOWN. OW is a single mom, 3 kids, living in ratty apartment.
He definitely did A down, which somehow makes me feel better. ??
The phone calls have definitely stopped, well, for the most part.
He is home most nights by 8pm or 9pm on the nights he works late, which I know he does b/c I call him at his office to check up. Have even driven by a few times and yes, his car is in the parking lot.
But, WH has a history of lying to me. So my question is, how do I know its REALLY over and that the contact has stopped at least on HIS part?
FWIW, I saw some texts back and forth again last Thursday and I confronted him. He denied so I called the number and told her I was a friend of OW and thought she had called but I didnt recognize the #.
Th *nice lady* (an unsuspecting friend of OW) told me OW used her cell phone the night before.
CAUGHT!!
OW thought she could fool me by using another #.
And then the other night, she texted him again at 1230AM!
I was LIVID.
WH deleted the message and said he would not respond.
But, how do I know he isnt calling her from his work phone?
He wouldnt be dumb enough to still use his cell, knowing I check it daily, hourly even.
To make it worse, I just found out I am pregnant w/ our 2nd child. I am happy about it, but scared that THIS wont even wake him up. HE is happy too, he says. Says he IS commited to me and our family. He SAYS he wants this, loves me etc.
But, I can tell he going thru the depressed phase...although he does seem better this week.
Now, another problem looms. D and I are scheduled to go out of town, w/out WH, on Saturday for one week, to visit my sister. My whole family is going, had it planned for 6 months.
If I am to follow Plan A, I cant go, right? Should I cancel the trip and feign sickness?
My mother will never understand. I am no good at lying but not ready at all, at all, to expose the A to them, and or tell them I am expecting #2 also.
The reunion between WH and I is so new, and then I found out about OW, that its caught me all off guard.
I love my WH...and he says he loves me...but how do I know for sure NC w/ OW is happening? I feel that I cant trust my WH...and I know I should't at this point either.
Oh, I also should mention that I did once call OW and told her he was BACK HOME w/ME.
SHE is the one who confessed to everything during that call. Most things I know about the A, SHE told me.
WH has hardly told me anything...but lies.
She even told me "I had no idea...I dont need this in my life...You have nothing to worry about..I'll get out" Dont worry about me anymore" etc.
But, obviously she isnt gone, especially if she is texting him again at midnight, just two days ago?
How can I get him to have NC w/ her? He SAYS he isnt, but I cant believe it especially when I see evidence otherwise.
Any help would be appreciaed. I am sorry if I am all over the place..but my mind is racing a 1000x and my anxiety is getting the better of me.
