My problem, of course, is my wife's repeated infidelity.

I have done so many of the things on this site (before discovering it), but they didnt work in the way I tried them.

For one thing, we set several policies virtually identical to the Radical Honesty policy and Joint Agreement. They dont really work if one spouse (guess which one) doesnt follow them conveniently in order to have secret meetings with other men.

Another thing is, when I really found out who one of the guys was, I wrote him a somewhat-NC letter. It was from me and asked him to quit contacting her. IT INCREASED HIS COMMUNICATIONS. Finally, I called him. He knows who I am, and was basically threatened enough to quit, plus she never told this guy we were married. When he found that out, he was nonplussed about the whole thing. That was refreshing. This gy had some respect for marriage, which this woman apparently does not.

Problem is, I cant forgive her. I have forgiven her twice already. Is it just too late for me? I just found the site today.

Notafloormat,

So what have the consequences been for her affairs? It sounds as if there have been none. Have you exposed them to family and friends? Have you exposed them to the other persons family and friends? If not do so.

But first read about plan A and plan B. You are right none of the policies work if one of the couple does not want them to work. You need to accept this, and decide what YOUR plan for the future is. REad the information here. I will tell you NOW is the time for you to work on yourself and your shortfalls. Why? Even if you decide to divorce, you don't want to bring the baggage into your next relationship or marriage. Learn, practice, watch, read, and then LEARN some more.

This is your best hope no matter what you decide about your marriage.

God Bless,

JL