I'm trying so hard to work it out with my H, who is also really trying, but still holds on to SO much pain from my infidelity. It used to be every day was the residual pain that plagued my H and me as we tried to figure out what we want from each other. Now it's a new kind of pain. It's the pain of "CAN we do this?". I read some of the threads and I find myself in a really precarious position. I feel I might have nothing to offer.<P>I just read the thread about calling the OM.<BR>I personally don't give a rat's a** what the OM thinks of me at the moment. I honest-to-god don't care. I just want my H to love me!! And he does, but he doesn't trust me anymore. So I have to rebuild it, and that makes sense but it hurts too. I DID THAT TO HIM! Some days I still hate myself so much. <P>Today I did something I never, EVER do... I stayed home from work just to spend the day with my H. I HAD TO for my sanity. I have to show my H that I LOVE HIM. I want his forgiveness SO MUCH and I know that it may never come. Who CARES about the OM... I don't hate him, but there's sure no love there either. If I really sit down and think about it, I realize that it was a fantasy, a joke even. Yeah, he still thinks he loves me, and that maybe he made a mistake staying with his SO. He told me that a couple of weeks ago. I KNOW it was NO MISTAKE and that MY HUSBAND is sooooooooo much more important than he is. I guess I'm just in a middle place on this board. <P>I'm not actively betraying, I am not in withdrawl, I'm not happily into a success story (though I fully believe we're on our way ) and I'm not sure I have much to offer. I HOPE so, of course, but I really wonder. <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

NB - you belong her - oh boy do you belong here. And you're doing great. Do you know how good it feels to hear you say how much you love your husband??? Gives me goosebumps!<P>I, for one, am REALLY glad you're here. We need to follow your journey, and we need your advice. As long as we are good for you sometimes, too, I think it's a great match.<P>Keep on doing it. You guys are getting there. I know it.<P>Lori

Sheryl, you've been posting in this board for a while, so I think I can talk to you like this: What kind of self-defeating talk is that? You're not allowed to talk like that! <BR>Seriously, it seems to me that you left your self-confidence under the pillow this morning when you got up. Go and get it please.<BR>There isn't anyone that has nothing to offer. We all have something, and that something is important.<BR>I know that it hurts, but my friend you have to live with the lack of trust for a while, after all you did damage that trust ( never mind that he did the same). Even if it seems that nothing you are doing is working, believe it is staying there, and it will show results later just be consistent and help him to regain that trust. It will work, but you have to feel confident yourself, if you start out doubting your worth, how do you want him to see it?<BR>Chin up, keep doing your best and remember I'm so positive and optimistic and still it took me almost one year untill I completely trusted my H again. I loved him a lot and wanted to trust him... but complete trust took a while.<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<P>P.S. Actually staying home with him sounds like a wonderfull idea ( not so much for his trust maybe, but I bet you guys had a good time )

OK NB -<P>Now I know that you are confused!!!<P>Nothing to offer? Are you kidding me?<P>You and 3 wishes have just shown us all how this roller coaster goes from the lowest of lows to the high again.....<P>You can be classified as the poster children of rebuilding a marriage!!!<P>Now, if you want to talk about not belonging......let's look at my situation for a moment!!<P>Here I am, alone, with Divorce looming like a guillotine over my head. My H ran away from home and will not discuss anything about what happened in our marriage - let alone commit to rebuilding it!! Wouldn't talk to me for three days just because I (oh horrors of horrors!!!) wished him a happy Anniversary and reminded him of the nice memories. As far as he's concerned - nothing ever existed - he doesn't acknowledge our relationship for 12 years at all!!!! He's blocked it out,so it seems!!<P>Talk about not belonging!!!!<P>Like Kat said - go retrieve your confidence from under your pillow!! LOL!!!!!<P>HUGS to both of you,<P>Sheba

Sheryl... what the?!?<P>You should hang around if only to tell people that it is indeed possible to get reconnected!!! You are one of the (potential) success stories that everyone clamours for!<P>--andy

new_beginning - I really know how you feel. I still have feelings of very deep pain for doing what I did to my H. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere most of the time, not at work, not here, not with my H or daughter or with any of my family. That's why I don't post much anymore. I don't feel that it does any good.<P>I still feel that everyday I do something wrong and make my H feel that I can't be trusted. Even when I know I didn't do anything to make him feel that way.<P>I don't make contact with OM. Not even sure where he is and I, like you, could give a rat's a** about OM. I don't even think about him most of the time. I don't wish too just because if I do, I feel that I am betraying my H again even if he doesn't know that I thought the thought. Honestly I haven't even thought about him except when I feel guilty about what I've done and think back on all the pain I've caused my H, our daughter and our family. I often wonder if things will ever be ok between us.

new beginning - don't even think about leaving. Your posts have helped me so much as it seems you and my H are experiencing much of the same - sometimes lately I think you sound so much like him.

new_beginning<P>It takes a while, as I am sure you know, to regain trust and sort out all the emotions that come from being betrayed. I congratulate you for taking the day off for your H. Good for you, shows H you really care - I hope you both had a good day.<BR>Don't leave the forum - hopefully you can share a sucess story with the rest of us as I hope to do when W and I have completed our recovery.<P>God bless,<BR>LH

We all belong if we need help, if we are committed to growing and learning, or if we are interested in helping others.<P>Frankly I meet all three. I think you do too. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hey all...<P>lostva: you're right, we're getting there, and I know it too. Tonight my H and I talked about "us" (didn't do it too much all day, thankfully) and I told him just what I told you guys; that I don't give a hoot about OM, that all I care about is loving him alone.<P>kat: okay, I went to my bedroom and retrieved my self confidence I'd left it on the right side of the bed, obviously having gotten up on the wrong side - hahahaha<BR>also, since I have your attention, thanks for all the great help and advice, I appreciate it!<P>Sheba: Poster children??? I LIKE THAT!! I think I should have a telethon!!<P>andy: as always... hugs to ya!!<P>hopeful: oh gosh, you and I were separated at birth!<P>simone: thank you for the kind words... <P>loving hubby: I'm glad I took the day off too...and he DID NOTICE!<P>FHL: Yes, we both meet the criteria... you're right!<P>Thank you all for responding. Maybe I've become a sap for pats on the back... who knows? I just feel so unworthy lately. I hoenstly do wish this had never happened, that I never needed this place - BUT OH HOW THANKFUL I AM FOR IT!! <P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 04, 1999).]

nb - You ARE a success story for even getting this far! Please continue to post as you have helped me in the past and you have much wisdom to pass along.