Just and update since it's been a few months. I think of your advice and often want to call/post but feel the need to work through as much on my own as possible. Had a false recovery episode; a total of 4 evictions of which only 1 was heeded for a total of 48 hours; a catastrophic motor vehicle accident with me and the kids which didn't keep H from all his OW's while I was in one hospital and he kept a watchful eye over the kids in the children's hospital.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back...we started counseling this week. Basically he says he is doing it for the sake of the kids...says NC with all OWs and gave me password to cell phone. I still stand by the fact that I believe nothing until proven otherwise. It has been extremely challenging trying to take care of the kids, get them back to school and juggle everything else. I am trying to detach a bit but having difficulty...seems like I have been an emotional wreck since the accident but have been trying to keep it together for sake of kids.

Things are getting busier with mine and kids schedules so hopefully that will be a good diversion for me during all of this transition time with MC. Lots of anger from H toward me re: MC but he actually agreed to go and given the option to opt out twice (I was furious and told him I didn't care and as far as I was concerned it would be a waste) he still went and was surprisingly honest with MC.

Any sage advice on how to get through the MC without going berzerk on H! I have been avoiding LB's and trying to find out about his current EN's without pulling out the list since I believe that would be too much too soon. H said in counseling he felt it was too little too late??? Meaning that I was willing to work on M too late in the process...what???? He was the one with all the OWs but think he feels justified based on his rewrite of our M history. I am trying not to take anything personal and writing it off to him venting to the MC. Poor counselor needs a whistle for the next session. H acted like he hated me past 24 hours but opened up a bit tonight and we spent 2 hours reminiscing about good past memories...H admitted he was afraid we would never have any more cherished memories again.

Well...felt the need to connect with you and see what advice you had for me at this point in the process.
Let me know what you think/recommend.
Thanks a bunch for your ongoing support,
L

Hi 2mhb,

Good to hear from u! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for the MC sessions, no need to plan A. U've been there done that right?

So go to the sessions and basically answer when u r asked and then sit back and watch the WS babble to the MC. It's up to the MC to absorb his babble 4 u. If the MC is smart, they will babble back and become your supporter. Probably much to the dimise of the WS.

As for having a WS in your home....is that ok? Do you want to recover with a WS (this is the one who still blames the BS and is not willing to do a full recovery), or do you want to recover with a real H (the one who is willing t/d whatever it takes to make his W and family feel safe and loved). Hm......

Hope that ain't a hard choice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Orchid,
That is just what I did at MC and planned to do in future...sat and listened and chimed in when asked, never raised voice or shed tears...very calm and factual.

I was away with kids for a while and H did lots of things in house he had put off (this has been the trend with attempted past recoveries). Happy to have them done but in past it was a one time thing and back to foggyville. This time so far, it has been sustained...time will tell. I am just sitting back and observing trying to control emotions and actions. I am not very patient so this is almost worse than the acute phase since I want change right now and I'm not gonna get it that way.

I have seen more of the H and less of the WS since our return...I'm hoping you are right about the counselor...at very least some of the foundation problems were mentioned at MC that can be dealt with...I personally feel that all of this mess is symptoms of a much greater problem that has been repressed for a long time. I told H that I want him to be happy and want what is best for him personally...if that means not being married, so be it but that he needs to find out what makes him happy. I can be happy with or without him, I just need a firm direction and a teammate who is willing to work toward a goal. I know I am not supposed to entertain D but in my sitch it is a realistic option considering all the history and damage...do I want it...no, but I have to consider what is in the best interest of my family...my kids have seen enough...I don't want them growing up thinking that inaproppriate actions do not have consequences...

Thanks for the hugz and ongoing support. I think of you often and appreciate your guidance and the wisdom and input of all the MBer's. That is what keeps me going most days!