Well it has all been exposed. Her whole family has told her that what she is doing is wrong. She hates me to the core because she thinks that I have done this to hurt her and not for us. She still cannot find it in her heart to try and salvage what we have. She continues to say that "she has nothing left for me". I feel like a second string player on a sports team waiting to jump in and play. Can anyone tell me what I can do to help spark the interest in her or do I just have to wait until the fog clears? She has an appt with the marriage counselor tonight and I have one tomorrow...I guess I just have to wait and see...Everyone please send me your prayers, I need them.

You have our prayers, handyman.

Some of it will be fog-clearing. Some will be your continued demonstration of love for her despite what has happened.

Small things that connect the two of you will usually find their way through the fog -- eventually.

That's what happening for me -- the little things speak the loudest.

Best wishes.

HandyMan,
Remember during the "fog" period, exposure doesn't make your WW want to run back to you... it makes her want to Kill you! But remember, this is the fogbabble. Of course she has nothing left for you.... it's been focused in another direction! Once that fantasy dies its natural death, she will eventually see clearly what she has done and only then will she start taking inventory of her life. Everything you hear from her is "emotional" and you need to not let what she says get to you.... I exposed about 10 days ago and my wife called me and said:

"Any chance that we ever had of reconciling is now gone"

"How could you ever do something like this?"

"Do you think you can make this marriage work by going behind my back and trying to get me fired?"

"I can never trust you again"

This was all in a five minute conversation! Don't listen to it... or if it helps, listen to it, post what she says and then read all the posts telling you that their WW said the same thing! Before I exposed, I was told by Mr. W that I would hear each of the things I was told, so when she actually said them to me, I thought to myself (almost giggling) "right on cue"

Stay the course. I'm 10 days ahead of you right now (assuming you exposed to her work)... if you haven't yet, you need to, especially if the OM works with her... if not, then it isn't necessary. BUT MAKE NO mistake, if she works with OM AND YOU DON"T EXPOSE THERE, the affair will continue for weeks until you finally DO EXPOSE THERE. Your WW is already mad at you. Finish the job (if you haven't already)... When your wife yells at you, just say, "I'm doing everything I can to try to save this marriage" (which is the absolute honest to god's truth)
Heartsore

Heartsore,

We are actually just about on the same time line. I exposed her to her work 10 days ago also. That is when I first found out about the EA. I then contacted her family in the area and asked for guidance or help and they have all been a great help. Finally I contacted her mom when she told me that we were finished and she had nothing left for our marriage to build on. Now today, she has a counseling session and I do not know what to expect. I think that I will wait until she comes to me to talk...or should I approach her to see if she wants to talk?? The hardest part for her right now is trying to figure out how she can turn off the emotions inside her for the OM and turn on the emotions for us...Any suggestions? I am going to look at another post about the same problem and see what suggestions have been offered. Pray for me and wish me luck!

HM,
Prayers indeed. You won't be able to turn off her feelings for another and turn them on for you... all you can do is demonstrate to her that you are not the bad person that she believes "drove her" into the arms of OM. You need to help her to see that you are making positive changes, which will last a lifetime, and which will contribute towards a positive marriage climate in the future. The advice that I got was to not initiate any relationship conversations, but rather let her initiate these. I instead focused conversation on lighter topics... inquisitive, but not about her A or OM...
Good luck... let her guide the topic of conversations with respect to the relationship. IF she says, "I want out... or I want a divorce or I want a separation" just tell her, "I married you for life and I intend to stand by my commitment to you. A divorce (separation) is out of the question for me." or one piece of advice I received, but haven't used yet is reply this way:

"WW, I know that you don't have very much hope for our marriage right now, but that's OK, because I have enough for both of us and you can borrow some of mine"

Heartsore

HS,

Thanks for advise. I have decided that I will not pressure her until she wants to talk about the relationship. It is also funny what you said last about the hope for both of us...When I talked to her mom, she said that sometimes one person has to provide enough love for both until the smoke clears....Same thing, just a little deeper! Thanks again for the advise...it will be well used and appreciated. Wish me luck, I dread what emotional state my W will be in when she gets home tonight. It is in the Lords hands now!

Hang in there, be strong and confident. You can do this! You will make it. No matter what the eventual outcome, you will make it!

If you feel her wrath, just stay calm and don't argue or get defensive. You're better off saying, "You may be right" or "I can see your point" rather than saying, "That's ridiculous" or "Can you hear what you are saying?"

Good luck'
HS