I called the Harley’s radio show yesterday. I was just wanting to get some advice on how to fall back in love with my H.
We have been doing better, and he has made some positive changes. I have been doing plan A all summer. Supporting his business, helping him with the books, no love busters, etc. He has been happy with the changes, and it has helped him have a more positive attitude, although his independent behaviors and AOs are still present.

My question to the Harleys was that I was having a hard time falling back in love with him, even with his improvements. I can tell he is trying to work on the marriage, but it’s like I am still withdrawn.

The Harley’s basically told me that he had made a fatal mistake and that he must go back to work until we could reach a POJA regarding the business. He suggested we separate if this was not an option and to start over-learning how to be in a partnership.


Anyway- I had decided that I was not going to share the advice with my H. I felt it would be a definite lovebuster, so I didn’t intend to bring it up.

I was listening to the rebroadcast at home-way earlier than he ever gets home from work. He just happened to come in and heard me listening to it, and heard my voice. I went to turn it off- and he stopped me and listened to it. He heard Dr Harley say the part about it being a fatal mistake, and that he was much more likely to be financially successful if he went back to work than he would be keeping this business.

He lost it. He started yelling at me telling me it was over. We were OVER. Then he goes it to where my boys were and tells them-

“well, boys hate to tell you , but me and your mom are getting a divorce” And then starts ranting in front of them how he will never be good enough for me, he will never make enough $$ to make me happy, etc.

I go in and very calmly tell him to please be quiet in front of the boys.

He says, “Why?”

He then goes on to keep saying, “I am filing next week, It is OVER”

I then asked him to either stop talking or leave. He actually listened. He stopped talking.

I took the boys to football and he was gone with clothes packed when I got home.

MY QUESTION IS…………………………………………………………………

How do I act now? Should I call him? How should I act when he comes around? When he calls?

Advice???????

Bumping for LIz

Have you tried talking to the Harleys about this and the outburst that he demonstrated? I would say that the conversation struck a sour note and he went balastic. There was no reason for this outburst and no reason for him to refrain from talking to the boys like this. Has he always demonstrated these sudden outbursts of anger?

If I were you, I would talk to the Harleys and tell them the outcome of your husband listening to the conversation of you and the Harleys.

I am so sorry...Blessings....!!!

I would tell him "There is a reason that I tried to turn off the radio program when you came home. I felt that their advice about you going back to work was not what I felt we were going to do. I understand where they are coming from, but if we can agree on how to make the business work then I have and will continue to support it.

However, if you do not wish to work on this marriage, that may be. But do not ever frighten our children like that with angry talk of divorce. They need to be told calmly, in an age appropriate manner, about what is going to happen, and how it affects them. Don't take your anger on me and put it on those children."

The worse thing is that his anger at you is really just redirected anger at himself because he knows the Harley's are probably right but can't admit it.