Several months ago my wife told me that one of her fantasies is to have sex with two men at one. She would have oral sex with another man while we are having sex. I told her we could fulfill her fantasy by going to one of the swingers clubs. She didn't seem to like my answer and I got the impression that she was testing me and that I was supposed to have responded differently and told her 'No way'. She didn't say that, but that was the definite impression that I had received.

Several months went by and I never brought up the subject again. Then one day she failed to close our her yahoo mail and I looked at her mail and found that she had several emails answering an ad that she had on adultfriendfinder.com.

I looked at her ad and she had advertised as a woman looking for a couple. Her ad stated "Missing you. Come out and play. Would enjoy playtime with you. Lets flirt, play and make those hot nights even steamier. Looking for someone who also seeks a discreet relationship."

When I talked to her about it she said that she had placed the ad for us to meet other couples. That she had decided that she didn't want to go to a swingers club and that this would be a better approach. She was very quick to come up with this explanation. Unfortunately I'm not good at telling when people are lying to me, so I don't know whether to believe her or not.

When I pointed out the ad was for a woman looking for a couple she said that she must have checked the wrong box.

When you go to post an ad on adultfriendfinder the first thing it asks is what you are. The options are Man, Woman, Couple. This seems fairly easy to comprehend to me. If she's telling the truth why wouldn't she have checked couple?

I don't believe that she has corresponded with anyone through this ad. One reason that I believe this in order to respond to someone you must buy a membership and as far as I know she doesn't have any credit cards other than joint ones so I would know if she had purchased a membership.

Also I don't know when she would have found time to meet with a couple without my finding out.

However the part of her ad "Looking for someone who also seeks a discreet relationship" bothers me. Just what is a "discreet relationship"?

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but yet there is much doubt in my mind.

My question is this. Is it possible that she is being honest with me and that she placed the ad looking for a couple for us, or is she trying to pull a fast one on me?

Your marriage is in trouble ... your response was horrible ... swinging causes so much pain and damage in a marriage....

agreeing/suggesting sharing your wife with another man is akin to telling her that intimacy with her is not special

sex with your wife is not supposed to be a commodity that can be bought/sold/traded for your own pleasure

re-think this

Pep

You need to put PCPandora on your computer! If she's signed up for 1 of those websites, you can bet she's found others like it. I found the same kind of thing on my H's computer, and found more, more, and more. PCPandora was installed, and I could read the e-mails he was sending and receiving, keystrokes, IM's, etc. He told me he had NOT contacted any of these women, he was lying. He was also looking for "discreet relationship", and found it, several times. We are now in MC, but I don't know where we're going from here. Also, on the subject of the 3-some, my H suggested that several years ago, was told "not a chance", and I'm pretty sure (from e-mails I found) that he did it anyway, without me. Why be married if you want to do that? Find out everything you can about what she is and has been doing online. What you find may scare you to death. It's definately a reality check!

sometimes cheating spouses bring up swinging as a way to not feel so guilty - sort of evens the playing field. I would really do some major snooping.

Sorry that soo much time has passed. I guarantee she's lying to you and was/is in the process of cheating. My ex pulled similar stuff like that with myspace. She signed us up for adultfriendfinders.com as a couple. She was a slut. And, yes, I eventually found out she was a cheater.