For those of you that don't know my story, here's the short of it....FWH had a PA in Oct/Nov 2005. I found out 11/23, NC since 11/24. I contacted the OW in April and we talked...she pretty much lied about everything. Then I found more info out on 4/10 about another weekend they were together in Nov.

So I've been in recovery since I guess Nov.? I found the OW's friend's page on myspace sometime around May. Well, today I just found OW's sister's page on myspace. I decided to write her this:
_________________________________________________________
-Plane ticket from Anaheim to Pittsburgh: $400.00
-Length of Plane trip: 4 1/2 hours
-Getting to Pittsburgh, finding out your boyfriend is married with 2 children and sleeping with him anyway....PRICELESS!!!

Hi ****,
Just wondering if you know your sister's a homewrecking wh*re? She slept with my xhusband (x b/c of your sister) even knowing he was married with two children. And your PATHETIC DESPERATE sister even flew all the way to Pittsburgh just for him (and, yes, my xhusband is a male wh*re). I would keep her away from your husband too. Homewrecking wh*res have no boundaries.

But seeing how she dresses, I'm sure you already know that she's a sl*t/wh*re/b*tch.....

I didn't realize Dwain's taste has so rapidly decreased over the years until I saw the picture of Yuri.

So when you see her thank her again for ruining my precious children's lives and breaking their family apart..........

--Sarah

P.S. Tell her thanks a lot for lying about Pittsburgh.
___________________________________________________________


Ok, was I really stupid for doing this? Oh, BTW, H and I are not divorced. I just put that to make it sound worse?? I wrote it so quickly and sent it that now I am wondering if I should have even wasted my time.

Also, my H doesn't know I did this. I am scared to tell him b/c he will FLIP on me. He gets mad if I go on the myspace page and see what the OW is up to. I haven't gone on for a while either but I went on today.

I know before anybody says anything, I have to tell my H. I will tonight when he gets home from work, but I'm sure we will be arguing the rest of the night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />!

Ok, comments???

--Sarah

tell us about your recovery...

is this recovery with counsel
with transparancy...
is your husband receptive to helping you deal with the residual pain..
or is the recovery all about not talking and processing the affair...

why will your husband be mad you did...

what about these actions will upset him..

what will you two argue about

ark

nevermind

Did MC November through April until I found out more lies about a weekend they had together.

H has been going to IC since April.

I just started IC last week. My H is totally transparent but he also has the feeling "The past is the past, now let's work on our M." He did answer pretty many questions but it got to the point that he stopped.

She did reply. Here is her reply and mine back. I guess I should have asked you guys first what to write back, but I will do that next time:

__________________________________________________________
Wow! I don't know where to begin. First of all my sister is NOT a homewrecking wh*re! I understand you're very upset.....any woman would be. But do you know your facts? My sister told me about this Dwain guy right after she met him in NY. She had NO idea he was married. My sister had just gotten out a bad relationship when she met him and was all excited about him. Then she tells me he invited her to Pittsburgh. I wasn't thrilled with the idea and even told her that she didn't even know anything about this guy. I even told her that he might have a girlfriend. She then said that he told her he had just gotten out of a relationship but was still friends with his x girlfriend. (I've heard that a lot). My sister is very naive and believes anything. I warned her! Then she comes back from Pittsburgh all bummed and tells me that he tells her he was working things out with his girlfriend. Anyway, she then gets a nasty e-mail from his account and then she calls him and THEN he decides to confess he is married. My sister stopped all contact with him and thats when you started to e-mail her. She is not the type to start trouble and the reason she lied to you about going to Pittsburgh was because she knew you were already hurt and didn't want to add more to it.

She is very sorry for what happened. But this is ALL Dwain's fault. Had he been wearing his wedding ring when she met him, would have been a different story.

I let my sister know about your message and she wants you to e-mail her to straighten things out. Again, she knows you are upset but also wants you to know she had no idea he was married. Again, I'm sorry for all the drama that was caused because of Dwain. It's Dwain you should really hate and blame, not my sister.

Her e-mail is ********
__________________________________________________________
Here is my reply:

Well, as usual Yuri's story and Dwain's are different. Yes, he told me he wasn't wearing his wedding ring in NY. But he told me the night he got to Pittsburgh (which, btw, he never really invited her) he confessed he was married w/children and told her he would pay for another room or a plane trip home. Yuri even asked to see a picture of MY girls, which stupid Dwain showed her.

Now, why he would make the story up about the picture makes no sense to me so I think I have to believe him there. But let me also say when I talked to Yuri in May she told me Dwain told her he had a g/f and she told me she kept asking Dwain, "Well, what about your g/f." So I heard those words out of Yuri's mouth.

Oh, and I'm sure Yuri doesn't know this, but I read about 15 e-mails exchanged back and forth between Dwain and her and both of them mentioned the g/f in the e-mails before Pittsburgh. So she knew he at least had a g/f. And if she still denies she knew he had a g/f why would her song to him be "Doncha wish your g/f was hot like me" by the [censored] Cat Dolls?? And now she's telling you when she met him he told her he had an x. I think she needs to get her FACTS straight since she was the one in the situation. Of course I wouldn't know the facts, I wasn't there.

But it's hard to believe either one since they are both proven liars. I really don't feel the need to write Yuri. Tell her I don't want to hear any more lies from either her or Dwain. I honestly just am trying to get over the whole thing but, unfortunately, I keep finding out new info all the time, so it is hard enough for me as it is. I just want to move on with my life and writing you was something I thought would help me with that. It did feel good to get that out when I wrote it. And I meant no disrespect to you.

BTW, I blame Dwain also. Why do you think I divorced him and he's living at home with his parents in the ghetto with no money since I was supporting him for 4 years while I sit at home with my inground pool and nice house? I bet you Dwain didn't tell Yuri that..........

--Sarah

Another one right after last one:

Sorry to keep writing, but I thought of some more stuff...

Also, if she's NOT a wh*re why would she have a one night stand with a guy she never met in a city she's not familiar with and why would her friends let her if she wasn't that type of person?

And if she's NOT a wh*re why would she fly to Pittsburgh for 4 1/2 hours for a guy she had a one night stand with who she knew nothing about and have sex with him the whole weekend?

Sounds like a wh*re to me.

Oh, yeah, I forgot one more FACT......Yuri told me Dwain told her in NY that he had a g/f. Yes, YURI told me that. So you need to tell her to stop lying to you, my dear......

--Sarah

_____________________________________________


So there you have it for now.....

--Sarah

I read what you wrote before you deleted it.

Yes, it was immature. I do agree with you.

My H will be mad at me b/c he says everytime I go on the myspace I bring the A back to the present.

What's up with the myspace stuff?

Do you want to be an adult or a teenie bopper?

Everything you're communicating has "adolescent" written all over it.

WAT

I totally hear you. I hate that myspace and I always make fun of it too. I only made an account b/c I was planning on writing her. I think it is stupid. It doesn't make any sense to me. But now I guess I've been sucked in.

I realize I look immature. What can I do to fix this???

Cheated On,

It is very apparent that the A caused you a lot of pain. (No joke Sherlock, right?) MB recommends exposing to OP's family. What you are doing is venting your hurt feelings to a third party, the OW's sister, and she is not the appropriate person. The OW is not the appropriate person, only your WH is. That is where your focus should be. There are great exercises out there to try to change your thinking when you obsess about the A and the OP. I know it is hard, I still struggle. I struggle bc I want resolution with the OW, I struggle bc I never exposed to her H. I run scenario's in my mind of contacting one of them and how I should do it and what I should say. I know it isn't healthy for me or my family, that is why I struggle to change my thinking bc what I am doing is hurting me and my family, taking time and energy away from them. I suggest you fight the urge to do this, fight it and you need to end contact with the OW and her family and focus on your recovery, your family and your marriage.

This other stuff distracts you and keeps you in a place of hurt, not healing.

I wish you the best.

My H is totally transparent but he also has the feeling

can you go to him and tell him about the pain you are feeling today..

will he just hold you
will he let you lay your head in his lap and cry

will he console you...

you realize you are lying to these people on myspace...
and so the question in the mirror is..

how do you go to your husband
and
seek
truth...

when you do not use truth...

tough waters are these recovery waters....

ARK

Yes, ark. I agree with you. My H will probably not just listen to me and let me cry to him (I'm not a cryer). I just get angry. Maybe it is the way I approach him. Maybe I should approach him calmly tonight and tell him not to judge me??

Should I write one final e-mail to the OW's sister to stop contact? What should I do? What should it say??

--Sarah

nabohio,

You are right on. That is one of the things I discussed with my IC last week, about directing my anger and venting and how to direct it. God, I have such a long way to go................................

Well, you know the saying one step at a time, in this journey it is important not to focus on the length of the journey, just be in the moment and glad that you can take one step ahead, or if you fall, like the myspace 'stuff, that you have the courage to admit it and ask for help, that is great! You need to give yourself some credit for trying to figure all of this out.

I would suggest that you just stop posting, anything you say will continue contact, you will check for a reply and on it goes, just let it go, forgive yourself for doing it and focus on you.

So I'm thinking I won't write anything else. But if the sister writes me again should I reply with something like:

I'm sorry I made the mistake of contacting you. I thought it would be helpful to me, but looking back, it was a mistake. I will not contact you anymore.

Sorry to get you involved.

Does that sound stupid????

Why would you say things about being divorced, and your H living in the ghetto if that's not true?

And then accuse them of being liars?


I don't think you should write the sister back. Just leave her alone, she had nothing to do with it. Talk to your husband about this. Find a punching bag to beat on. Yell and scream and get it all out of your system, but don't keep beating up on this poor woman. She is not your problem, and it doesn't matter what she thinks, either.

Can you find other ways to take out your anger and frustration when youre feeling them that you won't have to go back and feel sorry for later?

-AmI.

nabohio,



Good way to look at it.

I am going to delete my myspace account very shortly. I can't keep going on there.

Thanks for your encouragement.

--Sarah

I know....I felt like an idiot telling them I'm still with him after what he's done. And what I said is where he really would be if I divorced him, but I know it is still wrong.

I agree about leaving the sister alone. I feel bad for getting her involved now and I do not intend to contact her again. Although still wondering if I should say something as I mentioned in my last post if she contacts me again??

Hi CO,

So is he your exH or your H?

I think that whole exchange was ridiculous. Airing that on a public board does not qualify as 'exposure'. Real exposure hardly ever uses the word wh*re <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. That was a hissy-fit! It was uncontrolled emotional outburst and it made you look 'sad'. Especially since it implys that you really are divorced, which really makes you look like you are a basket-case vindictive exW, as opposed to a distraught wife.

Not productive or effective in any way. Nothing was accomplished. Wh*res hang out with wh*res, they hardly ever encourage other wh*res to improve their lives.

She's not married. This 'exposure' does not help in preventing contact. It was a two-night stand a year ago, and there's been no contact since then, has there?

How much time did you spend searching MySp till you found her? Days? Weeks? I know you are in pain, but this stuff isnt helping. I hate seeing you come off so badly. Please consider that you need some help right now. I am sorry - Dru

ME TOO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I shouldn't have done it. It was sooooo stupid, I know!!!!

Have you deleted it all from MySp?

I am going to delete my whole profile. Shouldn't I wait to see if she writes back though so she doesn't think I just wrote her and then deleted my stuff?

I think I owe her an apology if she writes back. Am I wrong??