Get out now before you make it worse, imho

Delete it all, who cares what some stranger thinks - Dru

I just got home, read the post and went to delete the myspace. There was another message from the sister. It went on and on about how my H is so horrible and he's probably done this so many times, blah, blah, blah. This is what I wrote back:
____________________________________________________________
I'm sorry I got you involved in this. I truly am. I should not have contacted you. As I said before, I thought it would help me, which it did help to get it out. I'm not going to respond anymore b/c I'm sure we both could go on and on. I know I started it, but I'm done.

Again, I'm sorry I got you involved.

--Sarah
______________________________________________________

So that's it. I deleted my myspace too. Now I have to face my H when he gets home. Wish me luck.........

I have to remember to be calm.

Try to focus on the positives... it's too easy to stay stuck on the bad stuff.

What did you mean about having to face your H... did he see all of this? I'd say it was a bad day and let it GO! Do something nice this weekend... get out of the recovery muck for a while. Please take care- Dru

I already left a message for my H on his cell phone and he already got it. I just told him I need to talk to him about some things I found out today about the A. He will be home around 7:00. I will tell him then.

Thanks for your help!

Tell him you learn that he is RIGHT, give him a big kiss, and drop it. You really didnt learn anything new. I hope you have a good night - Dru

huh? What did you find out??? Nothing! You can't believe anything that person said. Confess your silliness if you want to....but PLEASE don't use any of this information to interrogate your husband at this late date.

sarah i hate myspace also thats where my W meet the a** that she had her A w/ and i wouldnt of went so crazy on the sister as my mother used to say " you atract more bees w/ honey than vinager". good luck but if you felt good than so be it.

how are you doing

So did u and your H talk yet?

Ok.....so you vented on the OW's sister. Not all for loss. The sister now knows that more than 1 person knows the OW lies. Yuri, eh? Naive? Hm..... is she oriental? Is she playing the coy girl and lures men to her den? Hm.....

1. The OW isn't innocent.
2. OW's sister c/b doing the same.
3. At the very least, OW's sister is in denial.

The above 3 items are NOT within your control. You just let OW's sister know the word is out that OW is a ******. Accomplishment 1.

4. You vented and got relief. You will find this temporary.
5. Due to RH, you now have to let your H know. He may be hurt and angry since he may just want to forget it all. Tell him you are sorry but part of your recovery included contacting OW's sister. That you hope he can help you get through the rest of your recovery and that periodically you may need to have things clarified because loss of trust is a hard thing to regain. Then ask him what his plan of action will be to help you regain your trust in him.

6. Call Steve H for a recovery plan. This is NOT something u 2 want t/d without guidance.

7. Keep posting here. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

8. Remember it is your H's job to earn back your trust. If he is busy doing that, you will not find the need to contact any more of OW's relatives or friends. If he doesn't.....who knows? That's what I told my H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Stop beating yourself up. It's a done deal. Move forward.

L.

Yes, we talked. And it went better than expected. He was upset at first but then I told him about what she said and we talked about it and just both agreed the sister is probably a wh*re too. I caught the OW in sooo many lies and we just talked about how she won't take responsibility for anything. At least my H owns up to his mistakes (it might take a while, but he eventually does <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

I did delete all my info on myspace. I was so proud of myself b/c I didn't even keep the OW's e-mail address. I have no idea what it is. Normally, that would be a huge thing for me to hang on to something like that, but I didn't.

I'm still trying to figure out why she even gave it to me in the first place after I signed her up for about 50 casino and 50 psychic websites with her work one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!



This was actually my accomplishment...to let the OW's sister know and also to get it out b/c I needed to get that all out to someone that knows OW.

I do feel better now that I got it out. After writing them it make me realize how much of a coward OW is. What a total LOSER!!!! Not that I expected more from her, but I mean, show just a little bit of class and apologize AT LEAST for what you did. I look at it as my H is 80% responsible for the A and the OW is 20%.

Now H and I are arguing about his money situation. I have made $30,000 more than him this year so far. That is so horrible!!! It's always been this way, but now it is time for a change. It never bothered me before b/c I thought he actually appreciated it.....boy was I wrong. So that is our new saga, his pay. It's time for change.

Thanks for everyone's input. I'll keep updating.

--Sarah

I have made $30,000 more than him this year so far. That is so horrible!!! It's always been this way, but now it is time for a change. It never bothered me before b/c I thought he actually appreciated it.....boy was I wrong. So that is our new saga, his pay. It's time for change.

Sara..

what does this mean??

what is the deal with living in a battle zone...?

ARK

what does it matter if you made more money....

It matters b/c he used MY money to pay for his A trips (about $1,500). The bills are behind, and I told him about 2 months ago. Now, if it was me, I would just go get another part-time job b/c that's the type of person I am. But I feel it is time for him to step up to the plate since he is only working part-time and I'm already working full-time. I totatlly spoiled him before and it is time to take that away since he didn't appreciate it one bit.

He agrees he needs to make more. He did better this last month. My main problem is living paycheck to paycheck. I hate it. Why do I always have to figure out how I'M going to make more money while he sits there and works a part-time job making a quarter of what I make???

Am I wrong for thinking that's not fair????

--Sarah

NO NO NO

Delete it now - she needs to be left alone. NC, instant and permanent.

If dwaine would allow you to vent and tell you all you needed to know over and over, without all the "you need to get over it", then you wouldn't be in this state, looking for other outlets.

So tell him to grow up and get with the MB program.

He is NOT in charge of your recovery. Every time he clams up, puts restrictions on you knowing the truth and tells you to get over it, HE keeps the past in the present. If he would allow you to exorcise it, the past would begin to shrink. Tell him when it shrinks it eventually disappears. When you push it under the carpet you keep falling over the bump the dirt makes.

Do some bag beating anger work with your IC and follow it up with some grieving.

Email me before you email anyone else. You know you can yell at me or anything you want - let it out girl ... it won't just fade, it can't be hidden, it has to come out. You can practise on me for IC - LOL

Linda