My wife told me tonight she officially filed for divorce.
If you read my posts in Questions II category you will understand the situation... if not I will re-inerate.

She and I have been together for 6 years... we have a 4 yr old daughter. She has two children from a previous marriage. Those two children are in custody of the paternal grandparents. The reason they are is because the ex husband, of whom she is talking to now... tried to kill her, bomb threatened her work and burned down her apartment.
He is BI_POLAR and relies on MEDS to keep him sane... he went to prison for doing all this, has 2 DUI's and a mile long rap sheet to boot. Very unstable person to say the least.
Now we have been married for 1 year and a half. And since March things have been different, little by little she has pushed me away. And about 3 weeks ago she dropped the bomb on me, telling me she isn't in love with me and hasn't been even before we wed. And that she wasn't ahppy and wanted this to be over...
Now I of course tried to reason with her at the time but that was pointless... I backed off over the last 2 weeks and that appeared to be good, but after tonight I know she is just lost in the fog and told me that she filed for divorce.
She wants me to pay for her car 320 a month and pay child support with her not giving me shared custody as she originally agreed to should we split.
NOw with her history, she has abandonment on her record...since her ex-mother-in-law took full custody after she had given her shared when her ex husband was trying to kill her. Now she is denying being with him after 2 weeks ago she admitted she was talking to him about getting back together. So I think thats basically her covering her own [censored] to try and get me to feel like I have to agree with decision and her wants.
She told me tonight that she could have done worse but didnt want to do all that to me... lets see, she is leaving me and taking my kid, and oh yea making me pay for a car in my name to end up letting that [censored] druggee drive it... wow and she says she is doing this for me so that I can be happy like I deserve to be. I told her that this was a cop out and she knows it... She keeps asking me if I am gonna fight her, I deliberately say no, but thats a load... I just don't want my kid over there or out of my house.
My daughter is proud of her home, and thats important... she loves her daddy, I'm the one that reads her bedtime stories and tucks her in... I am the one that prays with her at night. I dress her, I feed her most of the time (mainly in the mornings). Her mom has a job where she has to get her up at 5:15am in the morning... thats not fair my daughter so i get her up at 7am and take her to where my wife works (day care).

Should I worry about fighting her in court? Any advice would be appreciated!!!

I would seek a lawyer and have a discussion with the lawyer. With her abandonment of the other children...it seems that you should have full custody of this child. As far as the car...I would immediately turn the car in...get out of the payment and get her a used one. There is no reason that she should have this car...where a used one would be fine. If she doesn't want to agree to this...then have her put the present car in her name. That will settle that. For the vehicle is in your name...you can take the car away...and replace it with a used vehicle. And the used vehicle state to her will be in her name. Basically say this is how it is going to be. She is manipulating you. Your marriage is so short that there will be no alimony. She works, which is good, that way she can afford to pay for the car payments if she wishes...or pay for a used car payment.

Talk to her parents about the situation...and about their daughter seeing the other man. They too need to know that their daughters life may be in jeopardy.

Talk to the lawyer and the police may need to be involved. Since the other man has a record.

To protect your 4 year old...you need to do all this to keep your 4 year old safe and out of the environment of this man that is bipolar. She could easily take your child to his house without you knowing about it. That is why I do believe the police need to be involved. And the attorney can help you with this.

Sorry for all the grief...life really gets messy at times. Blessings.

she states that the paralegal said she could take me for alimiony and that what she is getting is fair...
i can tell this is her vicious ex motherinlaws help involved here...

yea my attorney will leave no stone unturned... he has a rep for this. my mom is a paralegal and knows the guy well.

how can i flip the car that is used already out of my name...here is the deal, this is the only car in my name...my truck is not in my name since its my moms and i never transfered the title. seems like i can manuever out of this?

Wow, I can't believe how similar this sounds to when I got divorced, almost to the tee with the exception that the bf didn't threaten her initially. You need to fight her now keep your daughter with you in your house and boot her but out, otherwise your child is at risk also. She isn't making rational decisions right now and she would definately jeopardize your daughter. I didn't do this in my situationa and I wish I would have. My ex-wife got beat up in front of my daughter who was five at the time when she was staying with them, and she was both physically and sexually abused by my ex wife and her bf. I took physical custody of my daughter after finding out about the abuse and didnt allow any contact with a restraining order. She still fought me for primary custody for three years until I had enough evidence that it would prove her unfit, and then in a complete about face wanted to terminate her parental rights, talk about shock, I was floored! Don't risk your daughter she will live with any kind of abuse for the rest of her life and it will change her permanently. Right now her mother needs help and she would be better off not being around her until she can stabilize a bit.

I wouldn't worry about the wife for right now and focus on you and your daughter.

The car thing was it a condition of the divorce to give her the car? If it was then the car needs to be transfered into her name, and if she doesn't qualify and can't make the payments then you shouldn't have to pay for something she was given responsibility for. The worst case situation for you would be to have a voluntary repossession. This would hurt your credit somewhat but it would get rid of the payment and the responsibility. My ex trashed the brand new car I bought right before we got divorced, and I was responsible for it the same way you are and this was what I had to do. Since her car was a stipulation in the divorce for her to have, I couldn't even drive it without her permission and was still responsible for the payment because it was in my name even though she was supposed to pay according the the divorce decree, the creditor didn't care they wanted payment from me because it was in my name. She wasn't making the payments.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is distance yourself from her. Don't call, don't leave notes, don't take her calls etc.. Good Luck Brother, put this in Gods hands by praying about it. God Bless.

M

I agree with the above poster. You need to get rid of the car NOW...or let it be repossed. That way it is out of your name and have you thought about her driving it and getting in an accident and hurting someone seriously. You could be responsible for this too.

Get your daughter in your care and show the police and lawyer the records of abuse and such. Your wife is not stable and your daugther has been abused physically and mentally. This she will carry with her for a long time.

Pray to God....Lord please help this man and the situation he is in...guide him...love him...take him in your arms and protect him and his daughter. In Gods name....Blessings.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support... I draw from all the support I am getting on here and in my life at work and from family.

I will be talking to the car lot today about what to do... I refuse to pay for a car so she can haul that bunch around or let him drive it... She is using me and is not the woman i fell in love with... she isnt even my wife in my eyes, not anymore.

I dont think my daughter has been physically abused, but is being emotionally abused by her... how can you take your kid around another man while you are married? My daughter even told me that she kisses the guy... a guy that isnt her daddy. Hmm I wonder who that is... She takes her over there when she gets off early at work on Mon/Wed/Fri. I can control the Wed bit since I am now off on that day. But the others I cannot until I get my lawyer to get me custody at least temporary.
See my wife thinks I am hopeful for reconciliation... that couldnt be more wrong after what she pulled on Friday... I have the papers I copied from what she got when she filed and my lawyer has them now. I havent even been served yet.

Please advise if you have any other ideas or advice... thanks a million

Heres the latest

Got legal representation... though he wants me to keep it mute. Just protecting myself, now that I was served with papers for the BIG D.

I am fully aware of the affair and she is now denying one... she told me that she is no longer talking to him... but keep in mind he went with her to file last Friday. Hmm!!!
I know right now she is in a fog of some sort/ abducted by aliens and isn't on te right path.

But here is where I am confused.... she acts half the time like she is ok, she carries on adult conversations with me. And even last night she talked about some bad parents she has witnessed bringing their kids where she works... but at the same time I am thinking - you are trying to take my child into another house to eventually (cause right now she is denying) get back with an abusive ex-husband.
I already told her I think she is having an affair... she was married to him for 6 years and with him for 10 yrs... I know they are talking, and I am sure he paid for the divorce papers and filing, cause I know she didnt have it.
At this point I am not sure if there is any hope at reconciliation...or if I should accept it and just fight for my daughter? I won't give up my kid and put her in harms way... but she seems so stable with this, so I am confused a bit. Like she has a masterplan and is materfully playing me off>???

I would love for her to wakeup and realizewhat she doing before we end up divorced and hurt our daughter like this. She is still in the house and is leaving at the end of the month. After 6 years together and only 1 year and a half married... I am not sure how to combat her telling me she is not in love with me and wasnt when she married me, and that she only married me hoping it would return. Her words sound so real, yet her lying and then doing the 180 on the shared custody (changed her mond and filed for full custody)has me thinking alot of things.

I NEED A PLAN - I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO ACT... WHAT TO DO WHILE SHE IS AROUND... THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

If I were you I would use the past abuse by her boyfriend ex husband whatever he is against her in the custody case. I would go take your daughter now... You have every right to take her now because there is no custody that has been determined and whomever has physical custody at the time of the custody hearing most likely will get primary custody. The judge in this case most likely won't go for full custody he will do joint custody and if you don't have physical custody of your daughter you most likely will only get every other weekend and maybe a few weekdays if you are lucky and your wife will have her living with her and her abusive bf ex husband most likely in your house and driving your cars.

I would get back into the house now so you have it and keep your daughter with you.. Tell your wife to move out, and if she doesn't then tell her that she will have to fight you in court for the house and your daughter. By no means let her take your daughter. If the wife gets nasty call the police to have her removed. The house is in your name correct?

My ex was acting just like your wife is now. She is manipulating you by being nice, and then when you are not around she is going to stick the knife in your back. Since she took her ex with her to file they are together and she is planning to get everything from you she can, the house, the car, your daughter, child support, etc.. This is going to be nasty so I wouldn't be the nice guy now. Stand up for yourself and do what is right for your daughter and youreself. Forget about trying to work a deal out with your soon to be ex wife. She isn't doing you any favors right now.

Good luck and God Bless.

M

Go to the police station and get copies of all the reports you can about your ex and her ex especially the abuse. Then go to the courthouse and look up your ex and her ex and get all the information you can about them and get copies this is in the records section and they should be able to help you. This will be useful to submit as evidence of past abuse and whatever other situations these two have been in before to the court for the custody case. Then file at the court house for a restraining order against her bf ex husband so he can't be around your daughter and you, attach the police reports etc. to the paperwork requesting the restraining order and submit it along with a request for temporary custody of your daughter. In the reason why be explicit that you fear for your daughters physical well being and possibly her life and yours due to the past abuse, and give detail of the death threats against your wife also and state you fear for her life as well give all the details about the situation so the judge understands what kind of person he is dealing with here. Because of the situation and the prior abuse a restraining order and temporary custody most likely will be granted to you by the judge. This will at least protect your daughter from any potential abuse and you will have custody of her and the bf can't be around you or your daughter. This will be bad for your wife in getting custody of your daughter as well and only helps you in the divorce proceedings, your wife most likely will get nothing if you do this. This could also be used in getting a potential restraining order against your wife so she can't be around you or your daughter because she is allowing an unsafe person to be around her and the potential of this person going off is high.

I didn't do the above advice until it was too late and my daughter did get abused I wish someone would have told me about doing this. Rest assured I had my daughter living with me only nine months after we were divorced because of abuse by the ex and her bf whom she was with prior to our marriage also.

I know what I am talking about here, I won sole legal custody of my daughter. Most of which I did without a lawyer. Your ex sounds like mine, a person you don't know now. It is like someone just flipped a switch and there they are, the new unimproved crazed version of someone you thought you knew. It is time to play hardball here, don't be fooled by your ex she isn't out to make your life any easier right now and she is confused herself. Good luck and God Bless.

M

She isn't out for the house, we are in buying stage....beginning of October we take full ownership.

She just wants the car (and me pay for it), my daughter (and me to pay support), and all right to cliam her on income tax... that and a few posessions that she can have or not have for all that I care.



email me on here so we can talk in private... thanks

Get with your attorney, file your counter claim for divorce alleging adultery and naming OM. File for sole custody of your child and restricted or supervised visitation for her if she intends to have loser OM around. Use his past against him and her.

she is denying him in the picture now...but i know he was there when she filed

so many lies and i cont prove anything yet... except that he signed as a witness when she filed

She is packing... wont be living in the house starting tonight!!!

My daughter is being taken over there and not much I can do at the moment, talked to the authorities about it...

Long and drawn out, I'm not stupid...I know she wants her ex back, but reality hits home when you realize a mistake... being away from the person she has been living with for the last 5 years - will be a shock after a couple weeks...

I just have to be strong, and hold my emotions - I get my daughter tomorrow night thank the lord...