I'm so tired of the ups and downs. Sometimes I think men, and some women don't have a brain. My H broke the no-contact, I guess he thought I wouldn't find out. I have already told him, that I don't care anymore, why should I when it's only one sided anymore. I do care, but I'm so hurt and numb at this point. I feel like showing him 2 can play the same game, but I'm not that type of person. I have never cheated on anyone in my life. Starting today, I'm living my life for my children and myself. I will start showing myself that I'm someone who deserves to be happy and not walked all over. He will see how it feels. I might be crippled, but he knows there are men that see me different, but yet I would never cross the line. I just turned 40 and that was very hard for me, but life goes on. God is on my side and I will recover.

My husband at that time broke the no contact with the other woman too. I found out...for they think this is a big secret. He was soo.... upset with me for snooping, so upset with me for diving into his secret life. I was numb like you and upset and hurt deeply inside. He didn't care one bit. All he cared about was her...and how she was doing.

What you stated with you are going to live your life for your children and yourself. You state that you will start showing yourself that you are someone who deserves to be happy and not walked all over. This is GREAT!!!! Now stick with this...and this is the first step to moving on. They see their spouse as needy, as someone who is sooo.... codependent. Many see it this way. With you working on yourself, seeing you smile, seeing you laugh and seeing that you are someone special....can help them get out of the fog and see you as someone that they love.

I was 50 when my x had his affair and it was a very difficult time. He screamed at me, called me names, was physical with me and all the stuff that affairs bring about. He and I counseled and he was told no contact. We were to send a letter to the other woman about no contact and he wouldn't do it. When he finally did it...with counseling telling him this needs to be done (the Harleys), he finally did it. Just to suffice the counselors. I found out within 2 weeks he was back to talking to the other woman. I brought this to the attention of the counselors and they at that time told me the chances of saving this marriage were slim. For my X was a controller and he wasn't going to have anyone tell him what to do.

I believe you two need to see counseling and get this under control.

Blessings to you.

Thanks alot, I needed to hear that. I don't understand how they do this and say they love us. Today, I left and went to my sisters with the kids, didn't tell him where I was going, still havent talked to him, don't care to at this time either. He is on vacation until Thursday morning, boy what a fun vacation for him, ALL BY HIMSELF. The OW is thinking about going back to work where he works, so if she does, I will find out, I have friends out there also that will tell me. The OW is also married, but her H don't care what she does, I guess it's their type of thing. I'm just giving him rope enough to hang himself, then letting him have it.

I presume you are certain that OW's husband knows. I'm just checking cause often the WH will tell his wife that the OW's Husband knows and doesn't care what she does when in fact it's still a secret that they hope the lie to you will help conceal.

Don't trust what WH tells you. Confirm OW's H knowledge and thoughts independently.

Also, do his bosses know about the OW. They may not hire her if they did know for fear of lawsuits in the future. Have you fully exposed the affair?

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Yes, her husband knows what is going on and he don't care, he does the same thing. I did write to Human Resourses about this when I found out, If she does go back out there, I will surely remind them of this. I know alot has changed at his job, no one is able to leave their work stations, but you know how that goes, they always find a way to do something. The OW and her H is still overseas, so I have time to plan my attack for when she arrives. Which I have been doing, thanks for the heads up.