I recently read in somebody’s post about a PLAN A LETTER. I am currently Plan A'ing my tail off and really things seem to be going slow but well. My wife has promised me that she is done with her A and has told him that "She wanted to work on her Marriage." (He has continued efforts to contact her however.) Although I don’t have complete faith that the brighter days are in the near future, I do since a level of sincerity about her words and can start to see moments of the fog lifting but quickly resettling. I think she is starting the Withdrawal phase. She still isn’t open to talking about what has happened yet and I am doing my best not to push her. I have been brainstorming ways to show her I love and care for her that wouldn’t be verbal. I have thought a good thing to do would be to write some sort of letter that would paint an accurate word picture of how we can have a brighter future and that what has happened can be overcome with time and effort. Is something like this a good idea? Is there a timing issue? Is there a certain analogy that is effective? Any tips?

First, a question:

Her Plan A?

What was her Plan A?

Im sorry her Afair (A).

If you've been doing your best to "show" her you love her, a letter cannot improve upon this. A letter doesn't "show" anything. Here, showing is better than explaining.

That said, a Plan A letter can't do harm, uless it's really bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've recommended Plan A letters in the past - I did one myself - but I think they have the most worth for cases in which a separation has already occurred. If you're not separated and your W claims the affair is over the letter that you ought to be interrested in is a no contact letter from her to the OM.

JMHO

jon,

I recently read in somebody’s post about a PLAN A LETTER.

I've seen a couple of people use what can unofficially be called a "Plan A letter". It is mainly used for people who have little or no contact, and so little or no opportunity to fullfil needs or show changes with their WS.....but are not ready to go to Plan B yet.

I am currently Plan A'ing my tail off and really things seem to be going slow but well.

Then THAT is what you need to keep doing.

My wife has promised me that she is done with her A and has told him that "She wanted to work on her Marriage." (He has continued efforts to contact her however.)

Good....so let her approach you about what that means.

Although I don’t have complete faith that the brighter days are in the near future, I do since a level of sincerity about her words and can start to see moments of the fog lifting but quickly resettling.

Slow but steady progress is fine....be patient.

I think she is starting the Withdrawal phase. She still isn’t open to talking about what has happened yet and I am doing my best not to push her. I have been brainstorming ways to show her I love and care for her that wouldn’t be verbal. I have thought a good thing to do would be to write some sort of letter that would paint an accurate word picture of how we can have a brighter future and that what has happened can be overcome with time and effort. Is something like this a good idea? Is there a timing issue? Is there a certain analogy that is effective? Any tips?

I think she will view this as "pushing" and is not yet ready to see the world as you see it yet.

Keep Plan Aing....the other poster you referred to was not doing a Plan A....you are....so concentrate on that. His divorce is also almost final.....and he's considering Plan B....so he's in a time crunch too. Each situation is different.....you need to keep doing the standard Plan A....which is far preferable to a letter.

Best of Luck

Thanks a lot for the advice. This site is a great help