Some of you know my history - I truly want my WH to move out of our home. My attorney does not want me to file for D. Nor does she want me to leave our marital home, unless I'm sure I won't want it in the future. Financially, keeping our home is better for me.
She feels financially I'm better off - just living like this. He does his thing, I do mine. Yet, I can't stand him being here anymore. At least once a week he doesn't come home at all - I've gotten over that hurt. But, the part that still pushes my buttons - is his OW that works at our business. I have to look at that tramp daily, and even if he does move out - I still have to see her - since I won't leave the business at least not until he files and gives me a nice big check....But, if he moved out I'd at least only have to see him at work.

D-day was over 3 years ago, what the heck is he waiting for. If he wants to spend some nites w/her why not go 24/7??????

He did start IC - and in the last 2 weeks he has apologized for his actions. But, he ain't changing them either..Why bother apologizing yet repeat your behaviour?? I guess as usual, it's all about him. The weight of his A's may be lifted if he apologizes for it...at least someone will feel better I guess it should him..LOL

Hugs..

well, it doesn't sound like you are really in plan A or B, so why not try communicating to him about it?

I don't know how you would feel most comfortable -- talking, e-mailing, writing a letter, leaving a message....

But why not try something?

Dear WH,
Its been 3 years since I found out about your affair -- which I have to face everyday, either by seeing her at work or you not coming home at night.
I'm tired of living like this, and I am sure you are too.
What are your plans for ending our business partnership?
Will you be moving out soon?
I'm sure you've made some plans would you please let me know?
Sincerly
Wife...

What have you got to lose???

Lexxy - Basically I did this yesterday. It was his BD I gave him a card and wrote that I wanted him to be happy and that he needed to do what makes HIM happy - etc. and whatever that may be he needs to do it. Life is too short..

Then I get home from work not in the best of moods - since the nite b-4 he was I'm pretty sure with OW - she comes struttin into work - with that "freshly F***** look". Ha, Ha, I just spent the nite with your husband. That tramp just grates me.....anyway..he proceeds to ask what I want, the same conversation we've had in the past. I don't answer, he makes me a financial offer which is totally insance. Then we get into it.
We both have admitted that we are tired of living like this. But, he doesn't want to part w/any money and I'm not going to live in the streets while he's buying cars, vacation homes, etc. It ain't gonna happen....we basically, just rehashed the rehash. It's always the same argument..
and we get NO WHERE...

I politely told him he NEEDS to leave. Go build a house, whatever, but he needs to go. I told him that I will never file for D, I didn't start this mess and he's the 1 that is cheating. etc.etc. I even told him he could leave his cars and come and go when he wanted them - but, he NEEDS to GO..If he wants OW he needs to go 24/7....

He gets dressed goes out to dinner w/???? - comes home around 2 am - and crawls in my bed...Which we haven't shared our marital bed since b-4 D-day. He doesn't initiate sex but holds me all nite. WHAT THE HECK is this???????
WHat is he thinking???? Why would he even want to hold me????

Would it help if I started to see his IC??? Could she help me understand his side of this mess??? Could she persude him to leave????

Hugs...I'm still 1 screwed up mess.

He is waiting for you to move out.

24/7 with other woman, then he gives up his house.

You are both waiting for each other to move out. Why not just agree to sell the house?

I agree....why not just sell the house and both of you move to your own homes. For him to be in bed with the OW and then with you...that is definitely a NO NO!!!! YOu don't know where the OW has been and what she may have. That was a big issue for me and my now eX...the OW had already had another sexual affair in her long term marriage. My then H told me that she was okay no STD...that I didn't have to worry about AIDS or STD. I said how do you know...what lies has she told you, as she has lied to this husband of hers twice??? But of course I was the one in the wrong and he was the one that knew everything.

While he is there, you sleep in your room and he sleeps in his room. There should be no intimacy at all, nothing. No kisses, no holding hands...just the necessity of conversation and that is all. There should be the Plan B installed and stuck to 100%. This is why I do think that you should sell the house. It is both of yours and then you both can decide what to live in. Or if he wants to buy you out...or you buy him out.

I will tell you...men make out in a divorce more so than a woman. So keep track of everything and make sure you get a good laywer. I had a lousy lawyer. Just to note...if I could do it over again...I would of listened to the Harleys and I would of asked for what I deserved in the marriage. But I was an emotional mess and my Ex took advantage of it.

Keep yourself alert and Blessings to you!

PUt the house up for sale - put the business up for sale ---

Put it all on http://craigslist.org and when you get a solid offer, tell him - you'll take your half, he can have his or he's a co-owner.

I'm seriously thinking I should do this with my Ex's junk that I keep finding (I'm moving and there's still stuff showing up after 5 years).

PUt a price on it - someone will buy half.

Then if he wants to sleep with them - he can figure it out himself.

Jan

Start by installing and using a lock on your bedroom door. Then do a modified plan B. Don't cook, clean, etc for him. He has his cake and is eating it too. He won't consider leaving until you stop giving him what he wants.