My H separated from me and had an affair about 8 months ago; I was 9 months pregnant at the time. Separation/EA lasted about 4 mo, PA lasted 6 weeks. He moved back in and told me about A 5 mo ago. There has been no contact for 5 mo. We moved states and started over.

H is working on our M more than he ever has before. Prior to the A he just expected our marriage to work, I didn’t share these expectations and have read many books and even attended marriage counseling by myself. During our separation H and I attended MC together.

Even though he is working on it, I don’t feel he gets it completely. Once I asked him if he got how his affair hurt me and he described it to a T. But, I am still not as happy as I use to be and he doesn’t seem to understand that.

If I tell him I feel sad or depressed he responds by asking me if I want to be happy. Then he proceeds to tell me to smile and if I don’t comply he seems agitated and rude. I feel he is pressuring me to get over it.

I think that he believes I am overly emotional in general. I think I am very in touch with my feelings and that makes him uncomfortable. It hurts me even more to think that the person who put me through all of that pain can then be sorry but at the same time be pushing me to get over it. Any suggestions on how to handle the situation?

Backroads,
If it's any consolation...you're normal. How you feel is normal. The problem is that usually a WS will never understand the pain that a BS has gone through. Personally I never would have imagined the devastation. So someone who has not experienced it first hand just cannot conceive it.And of course most WS would just like to forget it. If he is remorseful, he'll be feeling pain too.

I'm a bit ahead of you and I'm just starting to feel optomistic. So hang in there.

Try to get him to read this site. If nothing else see if he is open to you sending certain threads or articles.

Is he doing all that he can to make you feel safe?

I am glad that things are starting to look optimistic for you. Devastating is a very accurate word and its encouraging to see others climbing there way out of this.

He does make me feel safe in our marriage; we have closed all of our exits and are working on understanding each other more. All of the changes we have made would have made me so excited prior to the A but now, although I am glad for them, I am sorry even resentful that it took an A to bring them on. I really wish he could understand. I wish I had Powder the albino kid from that movie, he could put his hands on two living things and make one feel what the other was feeling. I don’t know if I can fully be happy with anything less.

Have you heard of the book Torn Asunder? There are chapters in it that go over the timeline on the recovery process for both the BS and WS.

If your WH is really willing to work on the M, this might help in understand that you can't just "get over it"

It also might be good for you because it helps you realize that you are not losing your mind or "getting over it" too slow".