I'm just curious, why many have viewed my post, but no one has offered any insight or help. I thot this was a forum that folks came to to vent, get help, etc.,...maybe for others, but no me. OH well, I guess that's just my life...who cares anyway

redhead111,

You might what to put this on GQII it gets alot more traffic.

Don't give up there alot of great people here.

Redhead,

I have put this in other posts but will say it again. My father gave me some wonderful advice years ago. He stated that what you see is what you get and you can't try to hope that someone changes. In your case you were hoping for the change. You have stuck it out for ten years, and lost control of your finances. There are ways to recoup this and you now have a child that needs both of you. Granted you are struggling somewhat financially. However, God only gives you what you can handle.

Sounds like you are losing sight of what is important. You married this man because you must have had an attraction, is this attraction still there? The unfaithfulness you stated should have been dealt with, was it? It also sounds like there is a lot of resentment built up. I would suggest going to marriage counselling. Figure out what needs both of you want and require. Your husband may have an entirely different perspective than you do.

You make it sound like life sucks because you don't have alot of money. Money isn't everything, you have your health a child that I am sure you Love dearly and a husband. Life isn't that bad. The money issues can be resolved, and perhaps you should take control of the finances.

When I was only making $7.50 an hour and supporting three kids and a wife, we had everything we needed believe it or not. I think back to this time and can't figure out how we managed but we did somehow. Even though we didn't have a lot of money we were very happy at that time. When we started to make a lot more money that is when quite a few of our problems started. Money isn't the answer you are looking for is my point. God does answer prayers sometimes he doesn't do things that we ask for because it isn't in his plans for us or he wants us to learn something first. Everyday I thank God for what he has given me and accept whatever path he puts me on, even if I don't like where it leads sometimes. There is a reason for everything and God works in mysterious and strange ways sometimes and just when everything seems like it is a huge obstacle everything seems to work out. Have faith that God is working in your life for what is best for you. In the long run you will see the big picture and understand. God Bless.

M

Blindwillsee,

thank you for your reponse, but I can assure you that money is not what drives me. If it were, I would not have hung in as long as I have. I would've looked elsewhere to have my needs met. I was believing, hoping and trusting God that things would get better, but honestly, I'm just tired in my spirit. Yes, I was raised to take care of my business and be a responsible person and pay my obligations and that is what I strive to. I also strive to be a good example to our son. You are right when you say "what you see is what you get". I was vulnerable during the time I met my hubby, because on the day I met him, I had just relocated from PA to GA alone, and I found out that I met this same guy 7 years prior back in PA...we lived in the same neighborhood.

So, for the record, this is not all about money. We are currently enrolled in DAve Ramsey's Financial Peace Univeristy, so I know that my finances will get back on track. There are other issues like parenting, discipline, etc that hubby isn't performing as a dad, which is equally frustrating. As a child growing up, my parents were disciplinarians. However, he tells me that his parents beat him for anything, therefore, he has a hard time discipling our son. Ok, but there are classes he can attend to help him in this area. This is a huge problem in our home as well. Our 7 1/2 year old son pits us against each other. I simply can't continue enduring this for the next 11 years. When I communicate my concerns & frustrations, he tells me that I have an anger problem...actually it is called frustration, and feeling like a single parent. I feel like I am the only parent, so I am strongly considering a seperaton or divorce. This way I am only responsible for my son and myself. Hubby can raise his son however he wants, when he is with him, but when our son is at my house, he must abide by my rules.

We are currently in marrige counseling, but I don't honestly see any changes. I am self employed and I have 2 businesses that I currently work to bring in extra income. I get up at 5:30 am each morning and begin work, so I am certainly doing my best to manage my finances.

I am also the disciplinarian in the household and hubby does not support me. I pay all the bills; I am the educator, the cook, the chauffer, etc, etc., and I'm just burned out. I guess I didn't know that hubby wouldn't pull his share of parenting, so I feel like I'm doing his parental job as well. Nor did I expect my finances to go awry since I got married. So, yeah, I would probably say that I am frustrated and I have resentment and anger with myself for not "looking deep" into this person's life to see what challenges I would be up against. So now I must decide what I need to do to have peace and contentment.

redhead111,

God asks you to do things a certain way but you choose to ignore him and do it your own way and when things fall apart you turn around and blame God. Now is that fair to God?

Are you praying? Are you involved in a church community with your husband? Do you, your husband and children go and worship God together?

If your inner being and outer life revolve around God--God at the center--then you will have Peace and Joy in your heart every day no matter what the circumstances. But if you are trying to make God serve you and your desires--making God revolve around you--then you'll never be happy.

Blindwillsee pointed something out that you ought to really consider. Your post seemed very focused on money and financial matters. When Blindwillsee pointed this out you denied it and became defensive. Maybe you ought to pray about and ask God to reveal to you any misplaced love of money that may be hidding in your heart. You don't have to feel ashamed because almost everyone struggles with this desire for money. The heart can be very deceptive. I agree with Blindwillsee that it appears that you believe that more money will make you happy.

Let me suggest that maybe more God will make you happy. Maybe you ought to focus on a better relationship with him which will naturally lead to a better relationship with your husband. Is the attitude and character you are manifesting in your marriage christ-like? If so why does your husband accuse you of having an anger problem?

Anyway, Paul once wrote, "I have learned the secret of being happy in all circumstances." Have you learned this secret?

When I find myself complaining about my life or marriage I am reminded that my unhappiness is usually the result of my heart and life being centered around something other than God. Here is link to article about being Content in all Circumstances.