My H got mad about me calling the harley's. He told me it was over, left and filed for divorce the next day.

He then invited me this weekend to go camping with him. I went and we had a blast. He was loving on me, telling me he loved me, and we made love both nights. He was even talking to me about the future- like we are going to have to do this or that someday, etc....I get ready to go home from camping and was hoping he would come home with me. He didn't. He kissed me and told me he loved me. I said I love you too, see you later. I was a little confused.

I called today to ask him a question about the bank statement. He did not answer. I tried again a couple hours later. No answer. I left a message this time asking the question. I also said that I wanted him to tell me if he didn't want to take my phone calls, I would just not call him because it breaks my heart when he ignors them.

He called back in a totally different mood than he was in this weekend. Back to his cold self. He said he was not ignoring the calls, he just did not have his phone on him. I told him that was fine, I just did not want to call him if he would rather ai didn't. He said I could call anytime I wanted.

He told me he was not coming home now, or anytime soon. He filed for D and that if I still wanted to see him after the divorce, that was up to me.

I told him I do not want the D. I said that we have been making great strides and have been doing much better. He agreed that it had gotten better, but I was still not happy with him, so he was leaving. He is sick of being with someone who is not happy with him.

I am losing my mind here. I cannot take the pain I am feeling. The pain is unbearable. I wish I would have never called the Harley's. I wish I could go back and never complain about his business. I just want him back.

How can I deal with this pain???????

You need to very QUICKLY read and DO plan A.

Put on a happy face and until you can actually sit back and watch him go with a smile - FAKE IT. Pretend you are happy he's going and you have time alone, and then get out there and do things for yourself, go places with friends, go by yourself, and DO NOT BE AVAILABLE for him whenever he calls. Get a life of your own - and make yourself happy.

Once you are a happy camper with strong boundaries, you can be his friend, but do it on your terms, NOT HIS.

Set boundaries and KEEP them yourself!

Jan

Sorry, I’m new to your story, Liz. From what I read, it appears your husband was so infuriated by you calling a marriage counselor that he left? And sued for divorce? Yet, then he invited you to go camping, had sex with you and told you he loved you? And the next day, he’s cold as ice? And he says he’s tired of being with someone who isn’t happy with him. (Read that as “Like me as I am, ‘cause I’m not going to change for you.”)

If I got it right, Plan A is definitely an option. Your H implied everything would have been fine if only you were 100% happy with him. So, you can act that way. The question you are faced with is “Will I be able to be happy with my husband if he makes no changes at all?”

Don’t answer the question above quickly. Take some time to let the emotions stabilize.

Meanwhile, build yourself a support network. Do stuff with your sons. Keep yourself occupied, and a lot less available.

H has been gone for 6 days now, and I am so sad. He hasn't called me. We talked 2 nights ago and I asked him if he could put the D on hold for awhile. He said he had already filed, but I didn't have to sign them right away. I asked him if there was any chance of reconciliation. He said at first there was no way he was coming home, but after the weekend, and realizing that I actually want him home has made him want to think about it.

He says he just needs some time. I have not called him in 2 days, but I have text messaged him once to tell him I made a CD with all his work documents on it, and again this morning just to tell him I love him and miss him, and I hope he is having a good day.

Was the text too much? It is so hard to plan A someone when they are not living with you. I am taking every opportunity I get to show him my love.

I made a little package to go with his CD- I put together some things I knew he would want to have, and even made him a plate from the dinner I cooked for me and the boys tonight. I wrote him a letter telling him everything I was sorry for.

Is there anything else I could be doing? Am I doing too much?

I am hurting so much. H hasn't called me. He came to pick up the package while I was at work, but did not leave me a thankyou note, or call to thank me, or anything. It looked like he just came in and grabbed the package and left in a hurry. I called him last night because he has the keys to a car in the driveway, and I want to move it. He did not answer the call. I left a message asking him to call me and let me know about the keys, but he never returned my call.

I am in so much pain right now. Does anyone have advice on how to get through the days with this pain? I can't eat or sleep. I can't breathe at times. How have others gotten through this?

Have you tried journaling? I always thought it sounded silly, but I have found myself writing pages full of stuff. It helps you put things in perspective.

Yes- journaling does help. I refer to my journal as the poor man's therapist. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I journal and read the bible and pray until the pain is bearable. Thanks for the advice

There are likely some separated/divorced support groups in your area. Look them up in the newspaper, phone book, or call around to various clergy as many meet in churches.
I found one which was a lifesaver to me.

Also, get an individual counselor for yourself.

I truly believe in the MB methods, and plan A, so that should be your first avenue. I mention the group above because there are experienced live people who may be able to help you. There were some in my group who returned to the marriage. So just being able to cry and get out the feelings could help.

liz

You might try this website: Divorcecare.com. They have support groups for separated and divorcing people. You can type in your zip code on their website and they will show you where the groups are meeting in your area. I'll be starting in a group this month.

I also found a book by Gary Chapman called "Hope for the Separated" at my Christian book store. It has been a help focusing on what I can do during this time.

Hang in there.

Hi, I just got through reading The Power of a Praying Wife. It really helped. I know what you are going through, when my H left, I couldn't eat for 3 days. I would suggest not calling him for anything, and being strong, not letting him know you are hurting or scared. I also read my bible every night with my kids and we say a prayer together. This really helps. We have been separated for 1 week and 1 day, and it is a tad easier each day. God has something better in store for your life. He has a plan, and a reason you are going through this trial.Just take a few moments and tell yourself that.The devil is trying to break up families, so you must be strong and tell him to get out of your house!! I know exactly what you are going through, and I keep telling myself ,God has a better plan for my life, with or without my husband! Be strong and we could email each other if you like. True friends are rare and hard to come by nowadays. Christylee2@alltel.net I will keep you in my prayers.

Wow- thanks for all the advice. You all are an answer to my prayers. I just signed up for a divorce care group, and signed up for daily emails from divorce care. I feel a little hope-just knowing I will get some much needed support.

God bless you all