So me and my wife are separated and getting a divorce after 16 years together. She is a serial cheater and I recently caught her (again) in 2 affairs with 2 different men in the last 6 months of our marriage. She was cold and mean and distant and said she never loved me and all the usual stuff. We have divorced twice before over her infidelity and then reconciled. This time there cannot be any reconciliation on my part because there has just been too many betrayals at this pint to ever trust her again (5 affairs in 16 years that I know of).

The weird thing is, now that we are separated and getting a divorce, she wants to continue a sexual relationship with me. heck, I do too, because I still love her and am hopelessly attracted to her. She isn't seeing either of the "other men" any more and we have both agreed that this is not going to lead to any reconciliation. It's just something that we both want for now for one day at a time.

It's just so strange, that she could hardly stand for me to touch her at the end, but now, she is wanting this and being so nice. The divorce is settled and signed, the house is sold, custody has been decided, and so I can't see there being any ulterior motives for her to do this. Maybe were just both scared to move on after so long and using each other as a crutch until we can walk alone. Anyone else ever go through this?

i wish my wife would want that... but after what she is done i am not sure i would want to touch it...
do you really want to be her crutch??? she is using you for something else... its good that you are gettign yours, but you arent really getting any closier by doing so...

thats my opinion

Sounds like she's the one who's crippled. Let her get her own crutch. You, on the other hand, ought to learn to walk away - no crutches needed. Correction - run away.

Do you two have any children together? What do you think is best for them?

WAT

STDs are inevitable in situations like this

why are you willing to expose yourself?

Pep

Divorced twice from the same WW? Does this make it the third time?

Maybe you need to do a permanent Plan B with your WW.

The longer you feed an emotional attachment to her, the longer you deny yourself the possibility of finding and experiencing a true bond with someone who values you as much as you value them.

Yes, third (and last) time and yes, we have a 13 year old daughter together.

chris..

I'm gonna go deeper on this one....

your wife uses her sexuality to use people...
five affairs you know of during a sixteen year marriage...
with children under her roof...
last two going on simultainiously...

she uses people
people let her use them
people use her....

Chris for fifteen years tried to show a higher ground and meaning to sex....

sex is simple easy and loads of fun...

it's the other real stuff that's hard....

sex with the hard stuff...
nirvana (WAT the spellchecker was here)

that's what CHRIS deserves...the WHOLE package...

sex with respect and nurturing....

CHRIS if you love your wife...
begin to see how lost and sad she lives..
and how lost and sad her choices are...

would you wish her way of thinking on to any of your children....

would you wish that they spend their life using and seeking and gobbling up people....

she does only what she knows to do
over and over..

you should say to her...

my dear friend...
for fifteen years I have loved you ...as you continually have turned from loved...and sought out empty using of people....

as long as you continue to this pursuit...you will have stolen feel good moments....like bandaides..while your inner real self ooozes pain.....

I
CHRIS THE FOOL NO LONGER

can not be a bandaide to your pain and abuse...
I believe too much in myself...
and I will seek out pure love...and committment when the time is right for me and my children...

but I will not be an active participant in your empty self soothing...


sex is easy
some teenagers have easy breezy sex alll the time....

there are no strings attached....

the strings are what makes it right and equal and sexier...

Chris...
you are damaging your wife by engaging in her continual belittlement and use of Gods gift of human sexuality and all it's glory...

she will continue to seek only those equal to her level and abuse....
you are NOT that MAN


ARK

I recommend you protect your daughter from this hosed up sitch. Best way to do that may be to cut yourself off from your XW to the max extent possible - limited to necessary communication for the welfare of your daughter.

And when you're ready, search for a good woman. There are plenty out there.

JMHO

WAT

Agree with Ark^^and WAT on this one.

Perhaps she has a Sex Addiction, but that's not something you can "fix." Fixing that problem would be in her court.

I know your all right, she's just using me and only wanting me as a crutch, but damn, I am so attracted to her and still in love with her, I just can't help myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I know there is no way back and no future for us as a couple and that this is going to end. I try to tell myself I am just using her too, but I know that's a lie. I am just trying to hang on to the woman I love for even a few more days or months. Is that pathetic? Damn this sucks...

... be honest with yourself

going where you're going
knowing what you know
you are not a victim
you are a volunteer


Pep

It's this knowledge that you have gained that will help you out of this horrible si2ation.

-ol' 2long

Wow. Chris. Holy ******. Were we married to the same woman?

ark's description may fit your wife well, but it fits mine also.

Don't let it happen. It happened to me. I let it. I am still hopelessly attracted to my wife also. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known, and the sex was always amazing. Once she moved out, she suddenly had a sexual attraction to me again, and I let myself fall for it twice. She was just using me, just like your wife is using you.

I agree with everyone above.. run away. Maybe I should, too, because I'm afraid that my wife is just like yours, and I would just end up in your boat, long after you abandoned it for better waters.

Good luck. Find someone better and stronger. You can.

Dude,

You are not "just using her too"...you are prolonging YOUR agony.

You lay with her "just like it used to be" and you feel that old feeling.

That bandaid is coming off very very slowly, instead of yanking it off and letting the wound heal.

And you, knowing her sexual experience, should be double bagging your johnson, if you get my drift!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

krk

Maybe soak it in Hydrogen peroxide for 15 minutes afterwards as well?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

I don't know what I would do in your situation. but you have to be honest with yourself.... if you can maintain a friends with benefits attitude towards your ex. I am not sure what the hang up is. If you here hopelessly still thinking of reconcillation and this was a means towards that I would say your a fool. If you have come to the conclusion that marriage is not her bag of tea but you are still willing to meet some of those EN's without out marriage, then to each their own.

I personally have always attached emotion to

Chris,

I have a couple of things to ask you. First, do you plan to live long enough to see your daughter grow up, and have a family of her own?

Second, what kind of message do you think you are sending your daughter about relationships, never mind what your W is showing her?

I think the answers to these questions will suggest to you what you should be doing now.

God Bless,

JL

JL has a good point.

Your daughter is being exposed to a way to get her cake and eat it too. If she sees it in her parents, she'll think it's all right and may follow in her mother's footsteps.

You don't want that.

I think you're also preventing yourself from ever entering into ANOTHER relationship that can be really fulfilling.
Instead of this interim stuff.

If you would be interested in another person..
And she'd notice how you're still involved with your X..
If she's smart, she'll not get involved with YOU.

So make room in your life.
Break the addiction.

if you can maintain a friends with benefits attitude towards your ex. I am not sure what the hang up is.

well..

lets start with the fact that his wife isn't FRIENDLY

she enacted on him huge gobs and gobs of disrespect and abuse....
emotional, potentially physically...ie STD's read multiple affairs multiple partners at the same time...

she has NO idea what a loving sexual relationship is about
she had NO idea what a friend is...

with friends like her who needs enemies....eh?

friends with benefits with a serial cheater..
talk about compounding a warped value system and UNimportance of fidelity....

ARK