I never said your fear was not justified

let's assume your fear is justified ... now what?

stay afraid?
never try kissing again?
run away ?????

what are your options is you live by your fear?

I guarantee you will be hurt in the future ... I guarantee I will be hurt in the future .... so what?

Pep

i don't know pep, i have no good answer for you.

but i'm leaving for the day now. and i'm not going to think about this tonight. i'm going out to dinner to celebrate our 20th anniversary.

have more fun than a barrel of monkeys

that's ALL I'm asking

kiss
fondle
tease
laugh
flirt

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep

share

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

FL,

You said something I definitely wanted to address
As you know I build computer codes to solve equations and simulate things. I am sort of like you. It is hard to get started on something especially when I know it is going to complicated and long term. I like to be able to focus on something for 8-10 hours at a time. Unfortunately, my life does not allow me this sort of block time.

But, then I rely on something a football coach YELLED at me one day. "Don't just stand there boy! Do something wrong right once in your life."

He was right. The worst mistake I could make was to do NOTHING. Wrong was better than that, and wrong done with enthusiasm is even better. Right will come but while waiting for it do SOMETHING.

Look at the list of things you don't know about your H these days. Look the list of things you don't include yourself in with regard to his dreams. Look at the fact that you don't kiss him. Girl do something wrong right tonight. Give that boy a sloppy kiss and YOU enjoy the heck out of doing it. When you finish just smile and say thank you so much for that.

I believe it was one of the Beatles that was quoted as saying "Life is what happens while you are busy making plans". Pep can correct me on that one I am sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The point is make a plan to become a teacher with all of the attendant goals and milestones. Talk with your H about his dreams and see if you two can make plans to work on his dreams. But, when I was talking about dreams I was talking about your dreams for your relationship with your H. I was talking about HIS dreams about his relationship with you.

It appears to me that you both suffer from some poor communications habits. Talk to the man and do it with enthusiasm.

You need to show your kids how to take on life.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

JL, its not like i am doing nothing! give me a break. I work very hard at meeting his ENs as best as i can. I believe i am being successful, he says he has not forgetten the past and that there are times when he has bad thoughts and it is a struggle but outside of that he is happy.

FYI: I DID share with my husband, even before posting here, how i was feeling. I acknowledge that the upcoming anniversary was making me anxious. I told him i had wished that we might be closer by now. He thinks we are doing good.

JL, regarding dreams. i started out saying i don't know what "our dreams" are anymore or if we ever had any. I will take that back. Our biggest dream of course was having a family. We were blessed with 2 wonderful children and i believe we are doing a good job raising them.

We dreamed of having a vacation lake house and we have been blessed to be able to see that dream come to life too.

I asked him about his dreams over dinner last night. I was right in thinking that when he says he wants to become a golfer that is on the circuit, he is not really serious about persueing that idea.

We talked about furniture making and he told me that he had recently bought some wood and he is planning on starting a new project soon. I did not ask him what his current thoughts are about someday having a store.

As for my teaching. I was and am working toward that goal still. I had to put it off 10 yrs, but that is still my plan. A few months ago i tried to adjust the amount we pay towards our house every month in order to make it such that the house will be paid off for when I turn 50, so I could become a teacher at that time. DH was uncomfortable with that concept but says at the end of the year we should look at the finances and possible make one very large payment to knock down the principle more. There really isn't much more i can do than that. I have info on what it takes to get a teaching certificate (at a specific college) but since i am so many years away, the program might change. I had already taken (and passed) the 2 tests required to get into the program but i suspect i will have to re-take it when i get closer to entering a program. for now the answer is, not now.

So back to what i very well knew you were referring to...

my dreams regarding our relationship. to spend more time together. it really is that simple. i just want to share my life with him and it is not happening.

as for his dreams, JL, don't you see, that is the problem, he is fine with the amount of interaction there is. He shows NO SIGNS of wanting anything more. I don't believe he has any dreams about us.

come on guys, isn't it glarringly obvious to us all by now???

as for the evening last night, it was fine. we had dinner, good food, not much laughter. it was over dinner that we talked about golf and furniture making. i had bought him a card, some chocolate (cuz he loves chocolate with his coffee in the morning) and a bottle of Moet. He realized he did not think to get a card but he had bought me some pretty flowers that were in a vase when i got home. I had it set up to have the champaign waiting for us on the porch to toast with after dinner (with DS's help) but then DH told me about how he had promised DS to go play tennis with him after dinner. So we are waiting for the weekend to enjoy the Moet.

i'm losing hope guys. i really am. I'm not thinking of going anywhere or anything. certainly not now. but i see it on the horizon, once the kids are gone. and it's just such a sad thought. it just makes the fight with depression even worse.

i totally HATE to sound so down but that is my reality.

Its not all bad, not at all. I ADORE my kids and i have lots of fun with them. DH and I sometimes have fun. We certainly don't fight, there is basic peace most of the time. But the part that is missing is important to me, really very important to me.

don't stop here!!!!

there is a much better post to be seen here: Maybe my prayers have finally been answered!!!