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he's too lazy to hire an attorney ... and yet, he wants what he wants, which is to break up another man's family You are beyond disrespectful here... I didn't hire an attorney at first for the following reason... an exact quote from one of my letters to her... "I do know that you and I, not lawyers and courts should decide what is in our child's best interests. We are the childs parents. We are the ones that will worry, laugh and cry while watching our child grow. We are both good people and certainly have much love and caring to give him. Together, even though we are living apart now, we can show him a devoted set of parents that are always working in his best interests. Only then can we say that we have lived up to our obligations to him, each other and to the God that for some reason has allowed us to creat this most precious gift."
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Dead wrong. I sat back and tried the nice approach for several months while I was being denied access. I was letting her get used to the idea of him spending weekends with me...big mistake on my part... but you are making assumptions about this man who might turn out to be a very good father. not making assumptions fact is he has again tried the LAZY way of sneaking around the back door of another man's marriage and contacting a married woman to harass her! character looks bad based on those facts Pep
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I know Appy.
I've thought of that story often in the past year. :-(
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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okay, what he did. sorry for the mistake.
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and since Sperm-donor has done NONE of this, he is showing ZERO intent to legitimately become this baby's Daddy, again, he is trying to do things the lazy way ~~~> slipping in the back door, secretly What do you mean, he's shown ZERO interest? He just sent her an email begging to be allowed to see his child. Sounds like interest to me. A judge might see that email as evidence of some interest to parent as well. People, especially uneducated ones, don't lawyer up immediately. If she keeps blowing him off, a lawyer might be his next step. Or it might not. Does she want to bank on that? If a lawyer tells her that this man has passed the statute of limitations to ask for a DNA test, great. She can have her atty send him a letter to that effect and request that he cease further communication. But she needs to do this PROPERLY. And blowing him off and getting all her MB friends to tell her what a bad guy and thus unfit parent he is for sleeping with her (and I wonder where that puts her ability to parent, but whatever ...) is not the proper way to do it.
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>People, especially uneducated ones, don't lawyer up immediately.
And some never ever do.
Words whisper.
Actions shout.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Pep, I am going to stop addressing you here. I find your demeanor to be very disrespectful towards men at times. So, on this thread, I will no longer address you directly since I do not want to battle with you.
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You are beyond disrespectful here... disrespectful to whom? you? OM? Pep
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Well, Hoopsie, I'm not an attorney, but my understanding is, that in some states, someone outside the marriage has absolutely NO RIGHT to demand a DNA test for a child born within the marriage. The HUSBAND is the legal father unless HE questions/diavows paternity, and he only has a limited amount of time to do so. FWIW, my son's ex-wife tried, 6 years after their divorce, when our granddaughter was 8 years old, to take away his custody/visitation rights by claiming that our son was not the bio-father of our granddaughter. The judge said that the person she named as the bio-father was no longer an issue, as our son was and would remain the LEGAL father, with all rights due him, regardless of who the bio-father was. DNA proved that our son IS her father. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> In the end, our son won full custody of his children, including our granddaughter. Our granddaughter, who was TOLD by her mother that daddy was not her real daddy and that Granddaughter would not be living with or seeing Daddy again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> , was and is THRILLED to be living with her daddy. Before she found out that she was indeed his daughter, she told him that she didn't care who made her, he was her daddy and always would be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's not biology that makes a father into a daddy; it's LOVE and all that goes with it.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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The other man is no more a sperm donor than the mother is an egg donor. I guess Mrs Mc. could give the child to the OM and then have no contact with him. That would be an option, but I don’t see it being advocated very strongly.
I truly find it disconcerting that the rights of a father are so cavalierly dismissed as not mattering in the least. We are our genetics, it does matter. I could be a good step-father, but I could never have the same paternalistic bond as I do with by bio kids . . . it is great that some can do this but I can't. I am genetically linked to my kids, when I look at them I see my lineage, I seem my grandmother in my son's eyes . . . my mother in my daughters smile. Does that affect my feelings for my kids, you betcha it does . . .
If this OM is serious about seeing his kid he will get a lawyer and he will sue for his rights. Until then, the Mcs don't have any legal obligation to provide access to this child. Do they have a moral obligation? I don't know . . . it depends on your world view.
I do know that Mr. Mc. said he will walk if the bio Dad is involved with the kid. That is not a little issue. We all know that people say all kinds of things they don't really mean, but I don't know if I would push him on this issue.
If it were me, that is if I was in the Mc's shoes, I would hire an attorney and see what my legal options are. I will have to disagree with Dr. Phil on this one. I would have no contact with the bio Dad. I would let my lawyer talk to his lawyer. It would be nice if the adults would act in a rational way and truly look for the best interests of all parties involved, but this isn’t likely. This is an emotional issue. Being cuckolded isn’t a pleasant experience. It will shake your life apart.
This is a mess.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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This is a CHILD! It's not like she's got his lawn mower and isn't giving it back and she's weighing whether he's going to get around to taking her to Judge Judy.
You all need to stop drinking the MB Kool-Aid here. He has fathered a child which, unless this child is the product of a rape, this poster was complicit in. Whether he is the type of guy we want to invite over to dinner is irrelevant. They both have rights. If she really has this child's best interests at heart, she will take legal steps to ensure the child's stability or to work amicably with the father to set up a visitation schedule.
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he's too lazy to hire an attorney Disrespectful in general. How do you know why he didn't hire an attorney? MAYBE his motivations were wanting to work things out without lawyers and courts. You are just making a lot of DJ's as to why someone may not hire an attorney... and why he wants to see his child. You don't know these things to be true. It is just your negative view of men that is shining through right now.
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Disrespectful in general. I don't understand what this means. Could you explain what you mean? thanks Pep
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This will be my last post on this thread. I implore Mrs. Becca to allow the child to know its biological father. I think my position here has been made clear. Some will agree, others will disagree. Your anatomy... the ability of you to carry the child... should not afford YOU the right to deny the other parent in this case, access to his child. And it is his child... you know it. Find a way to insure that NC is in place and let this man see his baby before it is too late for them to start forming the bond that is so important to a child. Lawyers and judges can sign off on your agreement... but reach into your heart and be fair to your son and his dad.
Best of luck to your family. I truly hope this works out for the best.
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The rest of the paragraph was the explanation Pep.
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It is just your negative view of men that is shining through right now. now THIS sure seems like a DJ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Pep <~~~ love & respect me some MEN!
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>I would let my lawyer talk to his lawyer.
YES YES YES!
This it IT!
If xOM REALLY, REALLY wants contact he'll do it nice and legal...and he's not taken those steps yet.
He's trying to gain entrance into McB's life again is ALL I CAN SEE till he does this right. And going about it the way is right now is a THREAT to her marriage and her family.
It would be PERFECT if everyone could put their feelings aside for the sake of the baby. But right now, and it's only been a month since NC was established...and it's already been broken by BOTH - xOM for sending an email and McB for READING IT....right now, it's not possible for either of them to handle this themselves.
This cannot be handled by THEM...I know this is hard for some of you to believe...but it CANNOT at this point in the space time continum be SAFELY handled by them, and it MAY NEVER BE SAFELY HANDLED BY THEM.
You've got to understand...I've SEEN what contact in any way leads to...and it's not pretty....and it's horrible...it's mind numbing in it's ablity to wreck havoc on so many lives.
Neither one are to be trusted with this matter. That's what lawyers are for.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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One more thought I don’t imagine that most people start out with the lawyers in making a request. Perhaps people here on MB would, but I can’t imagine that most of the population would behave this way. Sometimes it is simply more expedient to make a personal request and save the cash that would have gone to the lawyer. I don't know OM's motivation and frankly none of us here really do. He may indeed just want to see his kid, he may want to get back in Mrs. Mc's pants . . . we just don't know.
Let's assume that he is just a normal dude like all of us here (nod nod wink wink), if that is so I think a rational response to this situation is to ask to see his kid. If he doesn't get a response, he will probably ask again. If still no response, and he really wants so see his kid, then he will probably get a lawyer.
Again most people's fist attempt to request visitation probably won't be made by a lawyer.
If I were the OM, I know that I would probably just ask to see my kid. If I were denied or rebuffed, I would then start lawyering.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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Make every day count: I appreciate your standing up and speaking out on this issue. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Just know that some of us understand. The attitude of the majority of MBers (on this subject) is just maddening to say the least. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
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I think that if the OM REALLY wanted his child, he would have insisted on being there from DAY ONE...even if it meant absolutely NO CONTACT with McBecca. Dead wrong. I sat back and tried the nice approach for several months while I was being denied access. I was letting her get used to the idea of him spending weekends with me...big mistake on my part... but you are making assumptions about this man who might turn out to be a very good father. Well, this guy knew that she had a husband and he had plenty of time to decide whether he wanted to be the father or let Mr. McBecca be the father. You didn't have that problem to think about. McBecca's OM did know that his biological child would be born into a marriage. The best interests of the child do not always lie with the bio-dad. Agreed. And nor do they always reside with a bio-mom. Absolutely agree. Such was the case with exDiL, although she does love the children to the extent that she is able. Her life is a mess, and her chosen lifestyle is not conducive to taking care of children. I have a grandson whose father is currently in jail for not paying child support. Happens all the time. Wonder why all we here about are dead beat dads when moms that are ordered to pay are 7 times less likely to do so. Ex-DiL has just, within the past year started paying SOME of her CS (only $110/mo for 3 kids)...and since she apparently doesn't work anywhere (unless it's under-the-table), she has to pay it from her current H's income. Son doesn't need it, but started insisting on it so that she has SOME responsibility for the well-being of their children. He's also not concerned with collecting the back CS, because if she ever tries to get custody again, he can insist on her coughing it all up or risk being held in contempt. They may come around to see their kids...maybe out of curiosity or guilt (or to get it on with their baby's mama)...but they never STAY around So, now you can see into their minds and motivations. Hmmm, I remember my motivations being questioned by my sons grandmom who helped keep him from me. She was shocked when her daughter finally told her that SHE ended things between us and that I had asked her to marry me. But guess what... when the truth came out 17 months later... my son was already named, baptized, walking and talking. Imagine what it is like to see your child walk to the front door... when the last time you saw him, he was 8 pounds and two weeks old! There are a lot of fathers that give up because the mother makes life ****** for them. MEDC, please place my comment in context with the kind of men I was talking about...those whose main interests take precedence over their children's. I HAVE seen a LOT of men who are like this. Granted, most of them are very young, but not all. And, being very young is no excuse.I have slept on this and gave it more thought. My feelings have been fully expressed here and frankly, I don't need to defend my views to anyone on this board. I have lived through the ****** of not seeing my child. I have shown myself time and again to stand up for M's and families... I just have a difference of opinion than others on this board. I think a father has a right to see his child. You all are right, sperm does not make a daddy... but that is what you all are doing here... reducing him to a sperm donor and giving him no chance to be a father. I do understand where you're coming from MEDC. But, there really is no cookie-cutter solution to this problem. While YOU love your son and EAGERLY take responsibility for raising him, that doesn't mean that every other unmarried-to-the-mom father has the maturity, love, and ability to be the committed father that you obviously are.
Consideration of the OM's lifestyle, maturity, and ability to be responsible are things that MUST be considered before allowing him in the child's life, given that the child already has a DADDY...maybe not her bio-dad, but a daddy, all the same.(As far as the woman that has 2 OC... well, you have surely shown yourself to be someone that will protect your family. You didn't learn after the first devastation that you heeped on your family and went back and did it again... what you did is very sad.) Ummm...I think Kimmue already explained that her H fathered 2 OC, but that she is their mom by LOVE. And, I gotta tell you, I think she is a much better mom than their own mother will ever be, and she KNOWS what real love is supposed to be, where their bio-mom apparently does not have the slightest clue.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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