Please listen to Lexxy and do what she says.


Unless she is psychic, she can't "see" crap. She has no idea what will happen and neither does your H because is confused and mixed up. If you mess up this affair and attract him back like we are trying to get you to do, he may very well change his mind. Do what we say, Steph, we know what we are talking about, your pastor doesn't.

REVERSE BABBLE
"What will what take?"

"Which this are you talking about?"

"Maybe you should pay me to divorce you?"

.... Pep

Reverse babble:
"I don't know, how did that 'til death do us part' thing go again?"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

careful there OWL

we're agreeing again.... people will talk

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hehehe, let 'em talk Pep. We don't agree on everything, but some things are obvious...even to ME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] here it is

he's angry
he's frustrated

his emotional response to HIS adultery is HIS problem

YOU are not the cause of his anger/frustration

understand ?

he's a fog-head-moron-idjut right now

and he is all EMOTIONAL

because THAT is the brain-soup ALL infidels swim in

all of them are pissed off 80% of the time

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

so, do NOT cow-tow to his emotions

let HIM experience them full-blown and you do not react

do NOT react

got it?

every last one of 'em gets this stoopid

and

they want their faithful spouse to get a "move on" so they feel better

I say ... phooey to that

his misery = his problem to solve

Pep[/color]

After today, I don't know what to do. I saw his truck at the bank and I stopped to see what he was doing. He was getting information and told me he was opening his own checking account on Friday. I told him he couldn't really do that because he is still legally obligated to pay the bills at our house and since I'm the one living there, I needed access to his paychecks. He said he wasn't worried about the bills anymore, he had to pay for a lawyer. Then he said he wanted photocopies of all our bills and he would give me half the money for the bills. I still can't afford that and he knows it! He was still angry with me today. I just don't understand. He said all he wanted was a divorce. I told him "what does it matter, we're separated, you're doing what you want, you've been doing what you want for 3 months, all it is is a piece of paper." He said, "yeah, but I want that piece of paper to hang on the wall".
Then he told me that he knew I talked to OW's mom last night. He didn't understand why I called her. I told him I wanted everybody to know what they were doing. He said "don't you think everybody already knows?". I said "she sure didn't act like she knew anything when I talked to her". Then I told him that I still loved him and I wanted him happy and if that was without me, so be it. And he said, "if you want me to be happy, why are you trying to ruin this relationship?" Which leads me to believe that the mom didn't know about it. I walked away when he asked me again why I called her and why I was being such a c*** about it.

I was so mad I didn't know what to do with myself. How can someone who used to love me more than the world, say such mean things to me and hurt me like that?

Why is he so angry with me?

he is trying his darndest to make you mad at him, so that he can ease his guilty conscience.
if he can get you acting like a raving bi+ch then he can blame it all on you.
plus maybe you will get mad enough to do his dirty work of getting a divorce.
you are exactly right -- if her mom already knew -- there would be no need to mention it, right?

TELL HER BF.
What are you waiting for??? Its your greatest weapon.

I have no idea who the BF is or how to get a hold of him.

If he's not sure he wants a divorce, why is he so dead-set on it? Why would he want to hang it on the wall?

How can I convince him of anything, or plan A when he won't talk to me or see me? He wants all correspondence done by mail.

It kills me to know that they talked about what I did and my WH is talking bad about me.

She also left him a note that said "Love, Me" on it in his truck. He didn't even bother to hide it from me. In fact, he almost flaunted it. He picked it up and tore a corner off and put it back down facing up where I could read it.

WHY IS HE PURPOSELY HURTING ME AND NOT CARING???

What will it take for him to at least care about everything he's putting me through?

Even if he does want a divorce (he told me yesterday, he's already moved on),he's the one that messed up and I don't understand his anger and hatred toward me about it. Especially when I've already agreed to give him his divorce. You would think that would calm him down and he would be more compassionate to the one person that he said "forever" to and changed his mind without talking to me about it first.

WH, I've known you a long time, and I have never known you to be a cruel person. Until lately. I am so disappointed and hurt by your deliberate adultery-in-your-face cruel remarks and behaviors. I never imagined you could turn on me this way. ... then, walk away

Pep

That sounds good and I would love to tell him that, word-for-word. But he won't talk to me and nothing I say is going to get through to him.

Is this marriage worth saving since he's being so hateful?

I have NO way of knowing who the BF is to let him know.

Well, I didn't talk to WH all day and I feel OK. I feel better than I thought I would. Last night, I didn't want to come home, because I was afraid and didn't want to come home to an empty house. But I did, and it was hard, but OK. Today, I talked to my mom and I'm still confused, but if D is what he wants, that's what he'll get. I don't know what else to do.

I have no way of knowing who the BF is to tell him. I did expose to another friend of WH's tonight, so I feel OK about that.

Tonight, it wasn't so bad coming home to an empty house. I think it'll be hard when I work days and have to spend the entire night here by myself, but I haven't had to do that yet. That'll be Friday.

I miss him and what we had so much, and as much as I want it back, I don't think it's there anymore. Nothing will ever be the same again, no matter if we get back together or get divorced.

How did you guys pull through and able to go back to your WS's? I don't think he's coming back, but still have that glimmer of hope.

When is it too late?

bump

It is never too late. Chances are, the affair will end, and he will want to come back. But it does take time, and it is miserable in the meantime.

You are very early in all of this. Your husband is behaving as they all do. Don't take it personally. I know it is hard.

Continue in Plan A. Get a life of your own. Have hope. This is probably the most awful thing you will go through in your life, but you can get through it, and also end up with a marriage that is better than before.

Hang in there.

I am powerless to stop the affair now. I am out of ammunition, all I can do now is bide my time.

My appointment with my attorney is in 2 weeks. Will WH go through the divorce if I serve him?

How can I ever trust him again after what he did and all the things he said to me?

How long do affairs usually take to end if they think they're "in love"? He told me she also has plans to leave the BF. He wouldn't tell me when though.

Some days, like yesterday, I can Plan A with the best of them. I had a pretty good day. Then, other days, like today already, I have that pit in my stomach and I'm ill just thinking about the 2 of them together and telling each other they love one another. That's my HUSBAND she's telling that too. What gives him the right to say that to someone other than his WIFE?? It's the emotional aspect of the affair that hurts so much. I think I could get over everything else, but I'm not so sure about that. It feels like this hurt is going to last forever.

Oh stph -- you have more power than you know!

She hasn't left her boyfriend, which means she's still trying to hide this from him. Probably to totally screw him over custody-wise and financially.

You are NOT out of ammo -- you have the nuke. You just need to get on it. You know who she is. Find her address and wait everynight until you can talk to BF. Beats going home to an empty house!

You talked to her mom, right? Well call her again and see if you can find out who her BF is. Or just park yourself outside of her house.

This man deserves to know his life is being destroyed.

You will feel better and stronger if you have a Plan and are taking action. Otherwise you are just their victim.

Do NOT file for a divorce you don't want. Even if your mom is sponsoring it. Drag your feet. Your WH can't make you do it.

Well, I did find out some info today. I called and spoke with my MIL. She was much nicer than I expected her to be. We talked for a couple of hours. She thinks also, that WH doesn't know what he wants. He moved in with her, which should make him happy, b/c he's not with me, but he's got the angry attitude with her and his brother too. His brother doesn't even want to come visit when he's home, b/c all he does is rant and rave about anything. He called me at work today to find out how much $$ I needed for bills this week and he was still angry with me! I do not get it.

But, MIL told me what town OW lives in and my mom did a search for me and found out the address. Now I need to match a phone # with the address to call. If I can't do that, I'm going to have to go over and see if I can catch BF at home. I just don't want to go and have to face her if she's at home too. MIL has met her and says she reminds her of WH's XGF before me. She is very immature. She doesn't look or act like 35.

What does WH see in her? If I'm 9 years younger and more mature, what does he want with her? Apparently they have all these plans after they get rid of me and BF. She is planning on leaving him at the end of this month.

I just don't know what to do now. I don't know if MIL will help me or not. She and her friend are giving him divorce advice, but she admits, he's not doing anything. He's waiting for me to file so he doesn't have to deal with anything. That's how he handles stuff-he doesn't.

But, he is talking to OW ALL THE TIME NOW!! I need to stop that from happening. I kept telling MIL that, but I don't think she's going to forbid him from seeing her. She told me she doesn't approve, but can't really stop it either, or won't.

WH thinks all of this is funny. I DON'T GET IT!

What is possibly going through his head? How long can this last?

any advice on what to do now?

Steph, we already told you what to do.