Damn, take all my anticipated fun away! LOL.

But, I agree, it does make sense to wait for NC.

It's kind of weird, but it seems like now Plan A is harder than it was.

But I'll carry on!

Well Stef - here it is.

You are on the cusp of victory here
Score: Stef 1 OW 0 by a TKO

The worst thing you can do at this point is cave in to him. You see the finish line which is very frustrating. And I don't want him to hurt you.

And don't kid yourself - the affair is still very much ON until there is NC. 100% NC.

Awww, thanks.

You're right, right now I'm very frustrated because I can see how close it is to ending but I can't quite get it there yet.

I can see how WH is coming out of the fog, especially if he's pushing OW back to her BF and son, but he can't and won't stop talking to her at work, which I can understand, which is why I told him we could wait on our recovery until he's better able to establish NC. And when the time is right, I'll show him and explain to him the MB principles and the importance of NC. I'm trying to be patient impatiently!

We're doing the dating thing right now to see if it's something we both want. We might get to a point where none of this matters because neither of us want it anymore. I'm not hoping for that and I seriously doubt it'll happen, but the reality is there.

He won't come out of the fog until there is NC. You may see glimpses of your H from time to time though.

I know, that's what kills me. He's been coming out of it more than he's been in it, but I know that the next time I talk to him, it could be back to square one. That's another reason why I can't stand being thisclose to busting them up, but can't quite achieve it.

I guess I'll keep asking him about her status at home and their status together and go from there. Let me know if this is a bad idea or how to go about it.

bumped

I wouldn't keep asking him. I'd keep in touch with her BF. When is she leaving for her new job?

Stef - is there any way you could go away with each other for a week?

NC is essential.

I worry that his behaviour is becoming entrenched a bit.

And if you didn't keep switching threads on me you wouldn't have to bump it!!

She's supposed to be leaving in November sometime for the new job, if everything goes right.

I've been thinking about the possibility of us going away...it could only be for a weekend, but I think I'm going to talk to WH about it soon.

I'm not sure what you mean about his behavior becoming entrenched. Explain.

And if you would reply to my threads and keep up with me, I wouldn't have to bump it! You're making me feel neglected here!

Just that he's getting comfortable with the lifestyle he is living.

Hi I haven't posted for a few days because I've been doing some soul searching. Well I found out more crap and he hasn't done anything he initially said he would. I went and talked to my pastor and told him EVERYTHING. He was amazed that I've held on this long. I did some more praying and I've decided I'm leaving him. My heart aches for my children, but I can't fix him and he can't possibly love me when he doesn't love himself. Please pray for me. I'm telling him in a few days and moving out in about a week.

I'm so sorry lost. I've missed you and wondered what happened to you.

If you want to talk about what all happened I'm here for you. And I'm praying for you. Do you know where you're going to move to?

I'm failing miserably at Plan A. I woke up this morning just tired of dealing with everything. Things are supposed to be looking up and they really aren't for me. BigK is right (as always). WH is getting used to this lifestyle and I'm getting tired of this lifestyle. He either needs to come or go. I've been crabby with him all day today. He hasn't asked what's wrong, so he probably has an idea that it's this situation. I think I'll ask about dinner tonight to talk to him a little bit. He's supposed to be going out of town, but I'm not sure when he's leaving. We'll see.

Stef - I understand what you are saying. I'm not sure I'm always right BTW. SIgh. I can see your energy level slipping somewhat understandable. Just date him Stef and have fun with him. You are doing a fantastic Plan A.

I don't want to date him anymore BigK. I want answers now. I'm so tired of living in limbo. I can't take much more of this.

I just talked to WH. I called to apologize for being crabby with him today. He said it was OK, he knew it was about him and he understands. We started talking about our status and I told him I was frustrated and I was tired of doing this. He said he was too. He wants tonight and tomorrow to think about things and he's coming over Sunday to talk. He told me that he's not going to stop talking to her, but he will stop everything else and that's still not good enough for me (uh, right). Like he blames me for it not being enough. He said that he won't stop talking to her at work and I won't know about it and he'll be keeping secrets from me and he doesn't want to do that. He said he needs to decide what's more important.

I told him that I was pissed as he11 about everything and he's the only one that can help me through it. But he's got to want to.

I told him that we're supposed to be dating, but that includes spending time together. He said we spent all last weekend together. Like once a week is enough for him. He also said again that the easiest thing would be for him to move back in so we can spend time together. I told him I didn't want him moving back in unless he wanted it. He said he knew.

I'm not going to post much tonight. I've got a lot of thinking to do and I don't want you to have to support me all night BigK.

Stef. Just calm down a little. Does OW's BF know about her contact with WH? You have to be allies with him to keep them apart.

BF does know that they still talk, but he's so much in denial that it's not going to do any good. WH has to want to stop talking to her. And I meant what I told WH last week...if we have to wait for her to leave the job for the new job, that's fine. I don't want to be strung along anymore though. I have to know he's committed. Then I'll be willing to wait.

Stef - he won't be committed until he goes NC and stops seeing her. He won't be committed until he is through withdrawal. Don't make the mistake of expecting him to do what you want until NC is established. Sad but true.

And let me guess...there's nothing I can say to him that's going to convince him to establish NC.

I'm thinking that if I can convince him to admit that he wants this M and me, then I can convince him of NC and show him the importance of it.

I was going to read him the importance of NC according to MB on Sunday.

He's so much closer to our M now than he was and again, I'm frustrated because I can't quite break the barrier.

I went out and did some shopping again, so I'm feeling a little calmer.

Guide me through how my end of the conversation should go on Sunday so I don't mess anything up anymore than I already have. I've already withdrawn from the Love Bank enough today.

Stef - you can't change him or control him. You can only do that yourself. You won't convince him of anything by talking to him. All you can do is make yourself attractive and the better option. You are the better option Stef. You are doing a great Plan A. MEET HIS NEEDS except for SF of course. Attract him back to you.

Why do you expect you can rip the crack pipe from the addict? You cannot control his reactions.

I know, I know, I've heard it all before and I know it's true, but once again, he's so close to sane and I just want to guide him the rest of the way. NOW. I know I can't control him. It's just when I start feeling this way that I want to. You should know that by now!

I am meeting his needs, and I can see that it's working. But for all the little steps I've been taking, I'm ready to leap and he's dragging his feet.

Unfortunately for you, he will do this at his pace not yours and your impatience is jeopardising your recovery. But I assume you vent here and don't vent at WH. So that's ok. But if you keep this up I am going to have to give you a cyber spanking!!