Ok I haven't been here in a while, needed sometime to heal. ( not that it has really happened yet ) LOL

I've been divorced now since April 13th of last year so it has been over a year and 5 months my question is. Does it get any better? I still care about my ex and wish we could still fix things. So how does a person move on if they are still in love ... I know we will not be together again, she has moved on and has a child now with the om. They are planning on getting married this year from what I heard.

Well just figured I'd ask what people thought about getting better?? and if it ever does ... ? L&C

Not if you sit around on your [censored] and constantly think about your EX. She has moved on, the best thing you could do for yourself and santity is to do the same. Find an interest (hit the gym).....get that self esteem back up, and you will be fine. Guaranteed!!!

Lost,

You sound exactly like me one year ago. I am here to tell you that it does get better but it is up to you. Start some hobbies, do things you have never tried, start living...

Keith

I will tell you that it does get better. I was here about 5 years ago during the affair and the divorce. I have been divorced for 4 years and I have to say my life has changed for the better. I did sit around & do the whoa is me...and finally something kicked inside my head to say lets make a move. I started going back to the university for studies with 1st step. From there I went to school full time for massage therapy. I am still taking another class this fall to get my associate degree (a computer class). I did take a painting class for about 9 months and loved it and sold some of my artwork. I started back to the gym....and was going until it closed its doors for good. I am finishing the house which was only about 55% done when he left...and I am making monumental completions in this house to put it up for sale hopefully this spring or next spring. My neighbors are commenting on the outside of the house and the yard how I have spruced everything up, got rid of the junk laying around and had a bulldozer come level all the piles of dirt. I planted grass and now my yard looks 3 times the size it used to. I have had a garage sale everyyear to get rid of the stuff...and my goal is to downsize to the bare minimum. I have been very active in my church...in cell group...and helped with vacation bible study...and I have worked parttime. All in all...you need to start doing something and do it now. Your exwife has moved on...you need to move on.

There are times when I still wish that things could of worked out with the ex. These times are so much longer inbetween thinking about it. I used to think about this about every other day...now it is about twice a month. In time I know it will end. I don't think about him that much...I just wish him the best and love the life that I was not allowed to do in the marriage. I was not allowed to go back to school, I was not allowed to work outside the home (I ran his own business). I am now enjoying schooling and love it. I have made the deans list and looking forward to one day having a business of my own.

I know it seems like it will never get better...I kept thinking the same thing too. I did get on antidepressants and was on them for about 3 years. I finally started cutting back when I felt that I was ready to cut back. NOw I don't take anti-depressants and occasionally I will sprial down, but not for long. I am so blessed with so many things...I was left with all the animals to take care of and 1 by 1 they are leaving me with mature age. I had 4 dogs and now I am down to 2 and my oldest dog is going to be 17 in November which is remarkable. The vet is very surprised he has made it this long. I have 3 cats and enjoy the meows and the comfort of their bodies next to me or on my lap. I have a amazon bird...and she is such a delight.

You need to find an interest and start working on that interest. I love being me for a change. I love learning and I love being a caregiver to my pets, my mother and my ex MIL. Yes...my ex MIL is still very close to me...for she is upset with her own son my EX.

Anyways...find your interest and start moving forward....Blessings.

I was where you were at one time. But, when you work on you, things start getting better.

Sorry I was not able to post for a while had to change some things in the computer I kept getting page not found when I was logged in ...

BHINWI - you sound just like you did when we talked last LOL.. good to still see you here. ( you know what i mean. )

Thank you all for posting.... I know I should start a hobby and do things for myself and I have. I Just was curious to see how other people felt about it all. I quess I thought after the time that has gone bye I would feel a little better. But I still feel tired of it all .. It's probably because of now being the D day anniversary and all.
I'm not really doing the whoa is me thing or feeling sorry for myself. ( LOL, well maybe a little <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Lost,

Not that I don't still have bad moments but it is so much better than last year. It took me about 18 months before I started have good days (was married about 20 years).

What has helped me is now that I can step back from the emotion of it all, I look at the things my X did and see what an unhealthy relationship we had. 3 EA's and 1 PA in 10 years is not good at all...

One thing I do know, you HAVE to force yourself to do things, hobbies, exercise, meet new people. It isn't always easy...

Keith

I know, my problem is good and bad I guess.

Then -

I moved all the way across country to get away from it all. I lived close to my ex and saw him and her all the time and him with my kids so .. I couldn't handle it anymore.

Now -

I'm so removed from the situation that I "forget" some of the real reasons I moved. So I start to miss my old life and my ex.

I started reading thru my old post the past two days and alot of the feelings came flooding back. I know it's not healthy to dwell on things and I'm trying to move on the best I can. I left everything behind me when I left. My childern, my best friend, my dreams, almost all of my family and friends. I know it is and was self inflicted but I felt at the time it was the best thing.

Now I'm just trying to get my head straight and "get better"

It gets better. I think everyone will have a different experience. For me, I'm finding joy in being able to do what I want to do, and there is no end to my "list". I'm very happy being alone. But then, I guess you can't miss what you didn't have, so I didn't really lose the companionship. Maybe that's why I don't feel alone now.

Do I wish it hadn't come to this? Sure I do - but I don't miss the person anymore. He turned out to not be the person I thought he was, so I didn't lose what I thought I lost (if that makes any sense). Would something like this thought process work for you?

I truly feel for people who still love their ex's. I guess I'm lucky that I don't.

LOL - well I have been lurking in the boards again. Just about the time that I feel things are getting better. My ex kicks me in the teeth and drags me back in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok so my ex now has two children by om they are not married my children live there along with my ex and OM and his older daughter.

They just bought a new house, two new cars

Now today I get a Child support paper saying she wants to try and start to get child support ... our divorce decree states that there is none ,, Now don't get me wrong I personally believe both parents are responsible. I pay for health insurance, all air fare to and from there to here. I offer to buy school supplys and clothes .. even though she always tells me she doesn't need anything or want anything ...I still will send some.

It really makes me mad that after three years and two children she is trying to get Child support. The whole reason she is trying is to get assistance with child care. OM's older daughter watches my kids after school.. She needs the daycare for her two "new" children from OM ... SO why exactly am I going to pay for this? She sends my children one day a week just to hold there spots just in case she has too work when they are off of school.

I can barely pay my bills at the end of the month as it is

I now have to hire a lawyer again ... fly back to wisconsin and try and fight it out.

DOES IT EVER END?

No I suppose not ...

OK so I spoke with a lawyer and since I don't live in state anymore he wants to charge me more then what it cost me for my original lawyer to get the divorce.

I called my original lawyer and she said she thinks that its ok that i should pay child support... ummm ok .. new lawyer time. I didn't want to be mean or have a vicious lawyer the first time around, thinking back maybe that was a mistake. Anyway .. just ranting and venting...