Hey RMV, thanks for caring. I had a relapse last night because my exgirlfriend came over and stood outside my door crying and saying that she was lost. So I let her in, comforted her and had sex. Right aftr, she said that I seduced her and that she didn't want a relationship and she didn't want to hurt me.

So we talked and I've come to the realization that she's messed up and I just want to avoid her as much as she wants to rely on me and make sure that we can be close friends. I need to look out for me and that just won't work cause I need to move on and let her be and grow. I hate being alone right now.

Where to meet guys? Just be active and do the things you like to do that are social--like bowling or work. I'm so disappointed in all that's happened that I plan on taking time off to work on myself and get comfortable with being alone. There is no one you can count on more than yourself. Sure, I miss her and last night was a step back for me but you know what I'm gonna somehow make it through with Gods help. I'm gonna leave it all up to him.

Hey Coughlin,

Been there, done that with my last one too, only I let hin back in several times. Sometimes I feel like the idiot for all the times I fell for his crying. He says I'm the one that is messed up. Well, in that way I am. Learning to say no to someone you cared about is one hard lesson to learn. But his biggest problem is he refuses to admit that he has ANY problems. He's been married several times - all to needy women. He had a friend that told him until he got his issues with his mother solved he'd never have anything but needy wives. Maybe that's one reason we just couldn't make it. I wasn't the needy woman he was looking for. He didn't like it when I was the type that wanted to build a relationship - not just "get married" right off. That was what he was used to.

Granted things are really tough on me right now. My xh left me with 23,000 worth of bills and got away with it because my name was the one on all of the loans. He had bad credit and couldn't get one. I had good credit and could. At least in the past two years I've managed to get it down from 23,000 to 13,000. So maybe I'm not doing too bad. But this house cleaning and yard mowing isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. I've been praying to God for guidance as to what is really in my heart to do for a lifetime. (I spent my life at home raising my children and being a homemaker except helping on the family farm) Having packed the rest of life out for so long it's hard to pull it all back up to the surface the way it would have been when I was a youngster out there.

But just like you, with God's help, I'll make it. I'm considering going to massage therapy school. I want to make a trip up to Montgomery and visit the school before making a definite decision. I've learned over the years that just jumping into something won'w get me anywhere but trouble. And if you don't let God be in on what you're doing, it'll be an even bigger mess. So just pray for me to find what's right for me and I'll keep praying for His strength for you.
Take Care

Very good!!


This is good too.
If you learn to be happy with yourself alone, someone will easier want to join you.

Take care, it will be better

Coughlin,

I hope things are goimg better for you than they were last time. If not, and you need a place to vent - we are here. No matter how bad things get, or anyting you think you might think you have done wrong - I PROMISE it CAN'T be any worse than anything I've ever done in my life. It honestly helps to know there are other people out there one can realate to in life. No matter what the cause. That's what God created us all for - relationship (especially our relationship with Him) (doesn't have to be gf/bf stuff).

If it's okay I'd like to share a poem or two that helped me through some really rough times in the past - but only if you'd like to hear them. Gotta go, have to have my truck in the shop an hour away in just over an hour to have the whole rear end replaced.
Take Care
RMW

Hey RMV, sorry it took so long to respond but I've been trying to keep busy and breath in and out for the most part. Thanks for reminding me that I can come here for solace and know that I'm not alone. I was doing better last week and she came around and started pursuing me so we made plans to go out and finally meet her friends at an Oktoberfest. Things were going great right up to the point where I was bombarded with surprises. First of all, I found out that I'm not the only one she hugs often. She hugs all her guy friends that aren't even close. She allows these guys that she knows to "be handsy" and right before I meet them she warns me of this. Then we meet another guy friend who she texted right in front of me to meet up and they have a conversation about going out to a bar for a business meeting that I was unaware of last week. Not that I was concerned about her cheating on me but it bothered me that she wasn't upfront about it when it actually happened.

I know a lot of you have said that she's too young and I guess I never got to see that side of her until last weekend when she was around her peers. So now, the weird thing is, I still wanna work things out but she is so hurt and angry at my outburst after the festival and I basically said, then let's end it and she said no and that she is just hurt and angry and that she needs time but she's not making any promises. The thing is that I don't wanna be with somebody who keeps things hidden in order to avoid confrontation. She actually blames me for not trusting her and I want to but it's just not possible under our current relationship status of not trying to reconcile and because she can't be open and honest about who she is until recently I guess and it didn't impress me as much as I imagined it would.

Can anyone tell me why she would say she doesn't want to end it and yet she doesn't want to work on it either?

Sure. She says that to keep you tied to her in case she wants you. She is showing symptoms of mermaid behavior. On the outside, she looks beautiful and she can make you feel terrific with her looks and words and promises. That’s the way mermaids ensnare. But, ultimately, they are cold-blooded creatures. They cannot deliver up the goods. In fact, they really don’t want a relationship. Mermaids want to acquire men, lots of men whom they use.

It is not unusual for a girl to go through this phase, but while in this behavior pattern, they cannot have a full relationship.

I don’t know whether she’s been truthful or open. But her actions have been clear. If she has to choose between you and her friends, she’ll choose her friends. She’s not ready to forsake all others even for your relationship. She may not date them, or kiss them, but I’m betting she’s stringing them along. Finally, she really doesn’t want you to be part of her entire life. If she did, you’d know about her going out for drinks after work.

If you insist on continuing to see her, I suggest you limit your contact with her, and start seeing other people.

Coughlin,

I am sorry to see you still stuck in this nightmare. The girl is bad news, with a capital B, and the more time you spend with her, the more you'll be hurt.

I have to say that I am beginning to wonder why you keep putting up with her... She is not worth it, there are plenty of other fish in the sea who won't play these games. Why are you putting up with her high school drama (and the answer "because I love her" is not what I am looking for)?

I dated a woman like this once, and it was nothing but trouble. Like GG said, these women love having attention and drama, and they will manipulate everything and everyone to maximize both of those things.

If you want to go on that ride, keep up the good work. If you want to have a normal life, lose this woman fast.

AGG

Teenage drama queen. Probably one who has father issues. She's way too immature to really love you equal to equal. I like AGG's question: What keeps you in this cycle of hurt?

I have to agree with you. I dated men quite a bit older than myself when I younger and I found a better connection with them than with men my own age. I am now married to a man a year older than I, but he is much different than many men out there and I respect and admire him, in spite of our differences and issues.
I guess what I am trying to say is...life is but the blink of an eye and you deserve to find someone to complement you, regardless of what the age difference may or may not be. You just have to accept that in the journey of finding that person who will enrich your life you may get hurt. That is part and parcel of living and you have to embrace it as much as you must accept that death is also a part of life.
When I was a girl, I found a poem in an old discarded book (a lifetime ago, it seems now); I cannot recall who wrote it or even the name of the book, but it said,
"Little life has got to offer,
Less has man to lose.
If fate should deign to proffer
Wherefore then refuse
To take this transient hour
In the dusky temple gloom
While the poppies are in flower
And the mango trees a'bloom?
For today, lit by your laughter
Between the crushing years
I will chance in the hereafter
An eternity of tears."
Good wine takes time to age and the experiences we live color us, give us character and dimension we might otherwise not acquire. Yes, I may have known hurt, I may have known disillusionment, but I would not trade them for the world, for they made me who I am...
Would you really give up all you have learned?
Live, enjoy spending time with this young woman, if she really is that much fun to be around...as long as you can be kind and gentle and know when and if you must eventually let her go...and if you can handle and accept that you may get hurt in the long run.

I don't think that beating his head against a wall, like Coughlin is doing with this woman, is an inevitable part of life. It is his choice to do so, but he does have the power to stop.

Why would he want to keep seeing someone who keeps hurting him? What do they say about the definiton of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

AGG