There are some graphic details of my WBF's PA that have been nagging at me since D-day. I haven't asked for specific details about his sexual encounters because I thought that would be crossing the line. Not knowing these things eats at me. I was reading another thread yesterday and learned that many BSs DO know graphic details about their WS's sexual encounters with OP. So, last night I asked WBF specific questions and he told me I was sick and said that I don't need to know.

I only asked hoping that once I had the answers, I would be able to let these things go from my mind.

I would like opinions on this.

Do you know all the graphic details of your WS's PA?

If so, is it more painful or helpful knowing these details?

If not, do you wish that you did?

How has knowing or not knowing affected you?

Hang in,

I asked, and got answers, but it took my FWH a long time before he was willing to really answer me with the details I wanted. It made him very uncomfortable to answer, and he said he didn't want to talk about it because it would hurt me, etc. It really has more to do with protecting himself from his own guilt and shame, IMHO.

There's a letter on here called "Joseph's letter". Do a search, or someone will post a link to you (I don't know how). It will give you something to say to him that will help him understand that you aren't sick for wanting to know.

As for me, it helped to know the details. The things I made up in my head were far worse than what really happened. One of the ways I got him to talk to me with details was to tell him that without the details I was thinking of things I thought they would be doing. Then, I told him what I thought they must have done - and THAT'S WHEN HE THOUGHT I WAS SICK!!!!

Just proved to him that my imagination could really be pretty bad........and that maybe it was in his best interest to keep the truth right out there on the table.

SB