WS still fogged, A long exposed (since Jan), failing but I think still dragging on.

We barely talk but in argument last week WS brought up house split. Said her rent was expensive and I should pay half of it (yeah right, I'm paying all the expenses on the house). I figure expensive rent is a consequence she can deal with and said as much to her.

But the question is what, if anything should I do about the house itself. We own it jointly so ultimately she is entitled to her half of its value. We had a verbal agreement that I would continue to live here until the fall then we would decide what to do. With fall now iminent I'm not sure what to do - should I initiate an assessment, etc. towards selling or buying her out or wait for her to initiate things. I suspect she won't for awhile though she'll resent it (continued passive-aggressive traits) but of course I could be wrong.

Thing is I don't want to enable her continued A and I don't want to help her walk away from our family either. If I did start something I'm sure she would take it as a sign that I was done trying and if I don't then she'll probably view it as a continued controlling behaviour (lose-lose?).

Any and all thoughts and comments appreciated.

Yea, mine demanded $$ also. Then I reminded him that his A cost me $$ and he ought to pay for his A himself. He thought he had been paying his way, so I gave him a list of $$ owed. Even told him to get his $$ from his 'friend(s)'. He had no friend but the OW and I knew it. LOL!!! OW tried to put a few thousand $$ in his pocket, he said no. Even through the fog he knew taking $$ from the OW was wrong. Ha!!!

So don't enable the A. Let her struggle financially.

Btw, you set the date when YOU are ready to move on or buy her out. Don't let her dictate when. Better you decide before she tries to take control.....you know it's all about control....Right or wrong, the WS wants t/b in control.


JMHO,
L.

Thanks.

Neither us is going to be in any financial difficulty. As you say it is all about her perception of control.

Still not sure what to do though.

Let her feel the full force of her decisions, if rent is high then too bad that is the real world starting to place some reality on the situation for her.

When you say that you agreed that you would stay in the house until fall, did you discuss with your WW her paying towards the up keep of the house e.g. mortgage, insurace? Otherwise if and when you do go through with buying her half out, you should make an allowance for all of the money that you have paid yourself for the house whilst WW was living else where. Don't shelter her from any of the consequences make her responsible.

Just me thoughts

Since she does own half the house the agreement was for me to cover all normal living expenses (taxes, insurance, simple maintenance, heat, hydro, etc.) and that any required capital would be shared (e.g. the new roof). She wanted me to pay rent to her for continuing to live in the house which I refused.

love_left,

If you are in a community property state( and possibly other states), you living in a home owned by both and her living elsewhere can be construed that you have EXCLUSIVE use of that home.

Exclusive use=no credit for house payments, utilities etc....

Get a WRITTEN agreement NOW! Or have her repeat her intentions with a witness present.

Thanks.

Actually not in the states at all so laws probably a bit different but there are no house payments or mortgage - if there were it would be a different story since that goes directly to the equity in the property.

That leaves taxes, insurance and utilities expenses. Utilities I am the only one using so I have no issues there. And smart or not I had agreed to cover the taxes and insurance without discussion of later credit. The alternative would have been being forced to decide to sell or buy-out the house immediately. Plus we are (were) common-law so no concept of matrimonial home - we each paid for half so we each own half.

Any other capital or improvement items will either be agreed to as paid equally or will simply not be done.

At this point anything I push like that would most likely precipitate something even more ugly from WS (more accurately WW I suppose.)

I did have a discussion with a lawyer at the time but that didn't come up as an issue and the lawyer was very knowledgeable.

Other thing I should mention is that she was (at the I think deepest depths of fog, not that she is much if any better now) looking at real estate to buy. So any move towards buying out or selling is I think going to be a big enabler.

Appreciate your thoughts!

my wife is wanting to leave where i pay everything but day care/gas/groceries... so lets say i pay85% of the bills... she has the nicer car thats the only one in my name... she wants the car and me to pay for it, she wants to take my daughter (who i live for) and make me pay support case she is unhappy and is basically fooling around with her ex husband....

wonders of life heh?