My wife and I have known each other for over 30 years. We were married last November and have a wonderful relationship.

A couple weeks ago we had our class reunion. The night prior there was a gathering of about a dozen of us. In attendance was my wifes steady from HS. He's never married and lives in another part of the country. The day of the reunion there was a golf outing for the men and coincidently I was paired with my wifes old flame. I'll admit I was a bit uncomfortable especially after the series of inquiries he rattled off about my wife. That evening there was an after-reunion gathering at my home and the old flame was the last to leave.

The next day and for several days after my wife seemed a bit too overly concerned about her old flames love/social-life (his singleness) and his name has cropped up frequently in ensuing conversations since the reunion.

There has been an issue with a lost camera of one of the attendees of the reunion and it was thought that the old flame was last in possession of it for delivery to the owner. This has provided a motive for my wife to e-mail the old flame in trying to locate the camera and get it returned to the owner. The questions have been answered yet the correspondence persists.

My wife has mentioned to him that we are having a gathering/cook-out next month for the reunion attendees to look over all the pictures that were taken. The old flame made an eager reply that he would be in attendance. To me, it seems that he'd be traveling pretty far to look at pictures that could be e-mailed to him.

Should I be concerned or am I letting my imagination get the best of me?

Would it be appropriate at this time to ask my wife if I should be concerned or wait to see how things pan out?

As far as Im concerned she already has seen him talked to him no need for anything further unless she wants to get into something else with him. Her mind should be on you not him!!!REDFLAG!

I agree this is a red flag. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be so accepting as you have been?

Seems to me that she wants to rekindle something, and he does too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> If I were you I would talk to her about it and not wait and see how things pan out because then it may be too late.

BTW I am a FWS and I feel strongly that that is the direction things are heading.

Karebear

Sybaris,

This is your third marriage, correct? And you rekindled your relationship with your current wife while you were married to your last one, correct?

Are you suspicious because you know your current wife does this? She knew you were married when she started back up with you after a 20-year hiatus. She didn't respect your marriage or remove her influence from your decision to divorce.

You know this. In your previous posts, going back to 2003, you describe your decision making process as one given more to avoid conflict than to live in truth...that's what I got. That it was about who you chose to partner with, how they were treated by others, and not very much about your half of each marriage...do you believe what you're experiencing right now, newlywed, is in subtle ways a pattern in your life?

I don't believe you would be here with this question had you learned to be open and honest with yourself and your partners. I believe you would be here to learn how to do that...how to be intimate, trusting and living in full ownership of who you really are...no matter who your partner is...or what they are choosing.

I am not attacking or judging you...you come back for bits of this and that...and you would benefit this board and yourself by being radically honest...about your fears, beliefs, thoughts and desires with your wife.

I hope you really do want to change your patterns and have a thriving life...I know you can.

I believe you want to very much. I did.

LA