Came home from church and WH is sleeping in my bed.

There is a text message from OW on his phone. It says "Good morning / afternoon. What do you think, you get raiders and ten points? Loser buys lunch and oral."



I am seething.

I am sick.

I am getting the ****** out of this house before I go beat the living ****** out of him.

He is such a ****** ASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the f**K am I doing here????????????????????

Can you take his phone with you and save the text message? Talk about a smoking gun.
Makes me want to hurl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I responded to her text, from his phone.

I said "Are you really so brazen to send trash like this to my husband, while he's sleeping in my bed, in our home, with our children, whose lives you are tearing apart? What kind of woman are you?"


I am so furious.

I don't know what to do.

I want to go throw the phone at his head to wake him up.

I want to go hunt the s1ut down and give her the message personally. I want to do a lot of things that would probably get me thrown in jail.


I knew that the A was still going on, but it just hurts to be confronted with it like this.


I don't think I can hang on much longer. I can't do this anymore.

Maybe it's time to serve him and time to shake him from this comfy, self-aborbed world. The bicycle is sure to tattle, so he'll probaby be all full of righteous indignation about his privacy being invaded and how he's being wronged.

Can you serve him tomorrow? He needs to know that he's pushed his luck too far with you and he's about to lose it all.

(((Ami)))

((((AmI))))

Remember, you are a woman of strength. A woman of strength takes the revelations and plans of her enemy and uses those against her enemy.

Your husband may have invited a relationship with this HO but he didn't mean for you to be at her mercy, remember that.

Be certain that her sl*ttiness doesn't diminish you - and it can only do that if you take her as the more attractive option that your husband has.

You have character and integrity that she can never touch as long as you see yourself as a woman of strength, integrity and attractiveness.

So go dress up and make sure you have plenty for him to do with you and his family today!! Delete the message.

Yes, I think you're right. I think it's time to serve him.

I'll tell him, don't have to worry about her tattling. I left a copy in the sent box, too, so he can read it himself.

This really, really sucks.

Don't make any decisions in the heat of the moment.

Let the situation calm down, and think about what you really really really want. Don't rush into filing for a divorce you may not want a week from now.

Now that being said I think you're close to the Plan B point. Start thinking calmly about your plan. I think you want him out -- and you in the house with the kids. So think about how you can achieve that. Wow -- just think about all the needs you meet for him! I really think this will work for you!

Do you have your letter ready?

I think that the only way to get into Plan B was to serve him, since he refuses to leave the house.

AmI, the one thing to keep in mind, is that he's been doing this stuff along. You just didn't have to know details or read TMs. So, nothing has really changed. The fact that you read the TM and responsed is going to bring things to head. Just remember to remain calm and collected. Just tell him the truth -- that you're not sure if you can take any more of this, especially when he's not showing any care for your feelings or any movement towards trying to change. Don't get into an argument. Put the ball back in his court.

I'm so sorry.

{{{{AMI}}}}

You know what Ami... Fck the both of them. He should be served immediately with papers. Sorry... but the time has come for him to be held accountable for his transgressions. How do you get over some of this stuff? I am so sorry for you and really feel sorry for that H of yours too... because he is pushing away a caring and beautiful person for some piece of trash ho!
I really think it is serve him now or count on your continuing to lose yourself to these monsters.
I am so sorry for you. You do not deserve this sis.
I so want to stick my foot in your h's a$$ right now.



And in response to this quote... bullcrapppy... he has intended just that when he invites a wh0re into his and his families life. He has made you and your M at the mercy of this sluuut since the first time he rutted like a pig with her. Your H has invited this into your home and life... it is time for you to show them both the door.

Well, it's too late for this, but I would have texted back to her as him, "Sorry, but I already made that bet with my wife!"

Then, I would have deleted both messages!

((((((AMI))))))

Just had a thought...have you ever considered just "disappearing" for a couple of days? See if MiL will take care of the kids for a couple of days, and then just get away without telling him where you are going. Or would that cause legal problems with your access to the kids?

Threadjack: Look, MEDC - when you can't make the distinction between a wayward and the real husband, Do yourself a favor - DON'T READ MY POSTS! Use the block button.

THere are certain distinctions that marriage builders must make - for example - the difference between a husband and a WS - her husband loves her - her husband is still in there somewhere, underneath the filth that the WS has created.

THAT is the man who didn't mean to hurt AmI. I get that you don't believe in this. So why are you on MARRIAGE BUILDERS? Except to undermine the very reason for this bulletin board's existence? To destroy a marriage that has every chance of recovering if she follows the counsel she's paid for, instead of someone who's sitting in the cheap seats with a contrarian opinion!

You do her no favors by indulging in the brotherly bashing rhetoric.

If AmI had her wish, her husband would have a mental health day, recognize the multiple personality that has ruined his and her life, and get some treatment, then stay away from the cesspool OW that has the mental illness contageon.

You are not helping by pulling out the nukes. You have from day one, subscribed to some behaviors that are not only ANTI Marriage Builders, but you have undermined the counsel that AmI is receiving from a pro who has recovered marriages worse off than hers.

I hope you remember you are a guest of the man you have been very critical of here.

Now everyone! Back to helping Ami!

Ami:

I've been sort of following along with your situation and want you to know that, IMO, your WH is following the standard WS Script..as AWFUL as it is...

In many ways, my situation was worse than yours.

However, I was fortunate not to learn much of the particulars of the NASTINESS and the UGLINESS of stuff they did...I'm sure it was sordid and disgusting....The FOW in my case was/is a certified HO....

My FWH says that there are many things that I should never learn about...that he will take to his grave..because he believes that if I knew the STUFF that I would not be able to love him anymore...

I agree that given your knowledge now that it is time for PLAN B. One major purpose of PLAN B is to put your love for him in SAFEKEEPING.

I'm responding to encourage you to listen to KAYLA ANDY regarding your PRESENT H vs. your REAL HUSBAND.

My H TODAY is in NO WAY the man he was when he was involved in his A. He is just as WONDERFUL as he was HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING and MEAN. This is after over 3 years of RECOVERY, though. At the beginning of RECOVERY, I had my moments of wondering..IS IT WORTH IT? This morning, after another WONDERFUL WEEKEND, after coming to work this morning and not wanting to leave my H, that all of the MB PLANS are worth it...the hardest thing that I ever done..LIKE WALKING THROUGH THE FIRES OF ******..but all worth it...

Don't let anyone rob you of your BELIEF IN YOUR MARRIAGE...

AmI,

Please check in when you can and let us know how you're doing. I hope that things didn't get too ugly last night.

Thinking of you.

(((((((((AmI)))))))))))

Oh, sweetie! I'm thinking of you too! I hope that you are having a better day. Please let us all know how you are!

Ami, hope you don't mind an otherwise silent supporter on your thread butting in. A while back Dr. H asked you to talk to the OW, and you weren't ready. Do you think maybe you that looked at that message on that phone yesterday because now you ARE ready to talk to her? What did you have ready to say to her? Do you feel more ready now?

Given that you were blessed with the opportunity to have coaching with Steve, I would recommend that you do EXACTLY what he told you to do.

I attribute our RECOVERY to me doing that...following Steve's directions.

AmI,

Oh, honey...that is one huge OUCH...and I think you were brilliant in what you said in the return text. I really do. And for not throwing it at his head...absolutely restrained.

I'm so sorry...breathe, breathe and breathe some more, 'k?

LA

AmI:

I want to add a few BTWs...

I also ABSOLUTELY LOVED your text message...

Also, I'm right there with ya...in remembering those times when actually MURDER was on my mind...

My H hid my glasses one night to keep me from driving to the OW's house...

I thank the Lord for HIM always being there for me...Guiding and directing me, seeing me through...

HE is there for you, too...

Trust in HIM...

Continue to lean in HIS ARMS as Mortarman would say....

Continue to FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL...invading into your HOME...

I'm ashamed to have to admit this. I think I violated every single MB principal that has ever existed, threw everything I've learned here -- and really everything that I thought was my character -- completely out the window, and basically just threw myself a big old hissy fit.


I had gone for a walk to try to cool down, but I didn't get myself under as much control as I thought I did. I came back inside and he was up, watching football on the couch. I went and got his phone, had a snotty little comment all planned ("Check your text messages. You need to choose one bed or the other. You cannot continue to sleep in my bed when you are also sleeping in hers."), and was going to just walk away and leave for the rest of the day.

Instead, once I got in the room, I just exploded and threw the phone at him. I said as quietly as I could -- which wasn't as quiet as it should have been, that his wh0re wanted to bet oral sex on the game, and that I had let her know what I thought of that bet and of her.

He was mad, told me to keep it down while the kids were in the house. I just raised my voice and told him I was sure as h3ll not going to just keep it down, he chose this war, and I wasn't going to keep taking it. DD was in the kitchen, and I heard her leave. DS was already gone, playing at a friends house. As soon as I was sure she was out of the house, World War 3 was ON.

I was in his face, spewing every kind of obscenity and hatefulness imaginable at the loudest possible volume. I think if you added up all the times I've ever said the F word in my life, I probably trippled that number during all this. He would try to leave the room and I'd puff up and get in his way and try to stand him down. Once I even shoved him. I kept telling him to get the F** out of my house and my life ... was following him from room to room as he was getting dressed, and was screaming in his face the entire time.

It was absolutely sick and awful. I'm so disgusted with my own behavior.

He was astonishingly controlled. Only once did he puff up and try to back me down. I just puffed my own self up and tried to stand my ground and started taunting him and daring him to do something. He's probably got 8 inches on me if not more, plus had shoes on, so he was towering over me, but even that didn't scare any sense into me. I probably would have deserved just about anything I got at that point, I had gotten so vile and out of control. But he kept himself very controlled and restrained the entire time.

He kept telling me that he wouldn't have any discussions with me while I was at that volume. He must have said it 20 times before I finally started listening. And when I did, I just broke down in sobs.

So .... raging spewing demon to pathetic sobbing mush pile. What part of this fits into Plan A?????

We did end up talking and crying a lot after that. He called his mom to come get the kids, and we just kept going and going and going. About 4 hours by the time it was all said and done.

Towards the end I asked him if there was any good in all of this, or if it was just a lot of tears and horrible headaches. We started sort of touching around what the possibilities might be for reconciling, if it was even possible .... if we could ever figure out how to trust each other again .... if it was even worth it. We talked about how ineffective our MC was, and maybe calling Steve Harley together, but he didn't commit to anything.

He didn't call her back after that, which surprised me, and he stuck pretty close to me the rest of the night. We went to go pick the kids up from MIL, and then came home and got them in bed, and just sat and watched some TV together. We both fell asleep in the living room in front of the TV. Nothing really resolved, just a lot of things spewed all over the place.

This morning, my eyes are still puffy and red, and my throat is killing me.

Definitely doesn't fit anywhere in any MB plan. Certainly nothing guarded or Plan-A about any of it. I have never been a violent, aggressive kind of person. I've rasied my voice before, and have yelled at the kids once in a while .... but in general, that's just not how I work. I've certainly never shoved anyone around or puffed up and tried to back them down or gotten in their face screaming before. It was miserable and horrible and so far beyond any glimpse of my character.

This is not who I am. Something is going to break here very soon, and after a display like the one yesterday, I'm afraid it's going to be me.

-AmI.