We had a call with SH today. It went pretty well.

Our homework is to make a specific "training plan" for how we are going to meet each other's top three EN's. And the EN's were the main focus of the call.

We got into a lot of detail about each of our top three EN's. He made an interesting point about meeting EN's as being a way to provide for each other. Well, WH's ears perked up at the word "providing". He's such an old-school kind of guy .... providing is very important to him.


At one point, there was kind of an off-handed remark about learning to feel safe and trust again, but it was really kind of glossed over, since it wasn't the main focus today. On our next call, I want to focus on this a lot more. We haven't talked about any ways to protect the M or prevent the A from renewing .... and I'm having a hard time trusting this process to help with that. The fact is that we've been where we are now once before and we crashed and burned. WH has told me several times that I was absolutely meeting all of his needs before -- but that didn't prevent the A and didn't stop it from renewing, either.

So I have no doubt that meeting each other's EN's is a good thing, it just seems like we've missed some important pieces that need to be there, first. All the affection in the world won't really help me much when I'm also on-guard and jumping at every noise because I don't trust him to protect me.

Does that make sense? I couldn't really develop this thought or get the words right when we were on the phone with SH, so I didn't push back or ask questions when it came up. He mentioned it and said that safety and trust will come as we learn to meet each other's needs better. I wish I'd ben able to get this thought figured out a little better and talk to him about it. I think I will talk to WH about it some and see what he thinks. Whole new world of O&H in THAT conversation!


I don't mean to sound so complainy. Our call was great, and WH and I have been doing well. Day-to-day stuff is really comfortable and easy and good. We hung out forever last night and chatted about nothing -- it was SOOO nice. I don't think the TV ever was even turned on. So we're getting along, talking, having some fun ... it's good. Huge, huge improvement from just two months ago. So overall, I'm happy. Just want a shortcut through all of the recovery work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

Ami... you are doing wonderfully. I am very happy for the progress that you and your H have made. Keep up the excellent work sis!

Awwwwwww an look at you being totally O&H here on these boards. Continue practising. I am learning so much from you.
You are an encouragement.

Sound like your H really loves you.Just doesnt know it yet fully.

continue striving.I also know the feeling of wanting to shortcut through to the end of all this recovery work.

hands up for who want the short cut?



there's none.

Besides how are we gonna brag to each other about our scars of all the emotional battles we fought 20 years from now?

picture it:

Year 2026. Virtual conference..........couple old twinkle eye MB vets....saying "Oh yeah?well i remember....."

MEDC .... Thank you! It's really been nice having you in my corner through all this. It helps so much to get the guy perspective, especially from one who has so much in common with my H. Can't tell you how much I've appreciated you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


nc ... Thank you. I've been following your thread. It's hard stuff to learn, huh? It seems so common sense and simple, so how did we go this long without knowing all this stuff? And how come it's so hard to "get"??? And I still vote for the MB reunion at YOUR house. You're going to make us all wait till 2026???

-AmI.

HI, AmI...

I have been doing great! I've had to let so much go...just hand it over to the Good Lord and learn to be...

We all have been doing great! Having L back has been interesting...LOL...something else to focus on...F's grades are getting better.

Just a titbit of advice...if you can let go and really not think about the A and just be...be with your DH, be with your kids, and think only of today, not yesterday...you may find that your heart will grow lighter...

I found that I wasn't giving DH the opportunity to earn the trust back that was lost..."I" was bring up the A everyday...sometimes not directly but everyday I was questioning something and this added so much pressure to our M.

I've stopped questioning for a week and a half and the tension is gone. DH lets me know where he's going without me asking. Like this morning, he needed gas in his truck and stopped at the "store". He told me about it and said that he didn't even go into the store. You know what, I'm okay with that! If made me feel good that he told me...no questions asked. I just accepted it and he asked if I heard him and said that the receipt was on the counter.

Great thing is...I have no anxiety about it...I don't feel like something's wrong or he's lying or anything else...I just accepted it...no bad mood on my part...it's just a fact. Yes, he did agree no to go to the store, in front on his mother, but fact is I know he needed gas. That's why they call it a convenient store...LOL.

I also spoke with a friend of mine last night and she was saying how proud she is of me for standing up for myself now. She said that we are an inspiration to her...that "I" am an inspiration to her. She just got married last weekend and she has watched me struggle with this since last April.

I tell you all of this in hopes that something I am doing will help you in some form or fashion. The first week was really hard...not asking...not questioning...but this week has been good and I FEEL GOOD about my M.

When I get a bad feeling like last Monday night...I was feeling insecure...I told DH and he said that I have no reason to feel insecure that he hasn't been anywhere. I spoke my peace and let it go. Done, just like that...no dwelling, like I did before...LOL

Well, I hope that I didn't TJ...LMAO...you did ask how I've been! LOL

You take care! I plan to be around a little more for a while...I've missed you guys and I hope to get my internet back up soon at home.

(((((AmI))))) Appreciating and loving you for being you!

HELLLLLOOOOOOOO!


HEY! ????!!!!



I think AmI's baking toooooo much this holiday season!!!

That's why we're not seeing her around!

I need to give her my address...LMAO...I love "care" packages! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Rin. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for checking in on me! I'm around and reading a lot. Just haven't been updating much here since there haven't been many changes. Plus there are so many new people here and people who need more intense, immeidate attention from the pros ... I usually feel bad about bumping my thread up over them.

Still pretty unsure and cautious, but overall, things at home are going well right now. We went up and cut our Christmas trees this weekend (and rolled the 4-wheeler, so he and I are both very stiff and sore and bruised the last few days, but not seriously hurt), and then put it up and decorated last night. That was fun, and pretty meaningful for me because that's one of the things that I was most sad about losing when things were at their worst.

So we're doing alright. Plugging along. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you're doing great! Nice to have the kiddos both home for the holidays, I'm sure. Is your YS going to keep going to school now, closer to home? I think you mentioned that it was hard to get him into a program there, but can't remember for sure. What are your plans for the holidays? I'm thinking about getting WH a wood lathe for Christmas. He used to turn these beautiful bowls and vases, and really loved doing it. I was thiking of you and your wood-working and building and sign-making stuff when I was at the hardware store looking the other day.

-AmI.

THAT is SO wonderful!

Excuse me but I would have made sure that you guys were okay and then laughed my b^tt off. I hope that the two of you got a good laugh out of it too!

We have been laughing alot more these days and I think that is SOOOO important. Kind of strange having him around... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

L? No, I can't get him into school here...he'll have to wait until Kindergarten to go here. i was hoping that he would go back after the holidays but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen.

L doesn't want to! MOF, said that he does want to go to his brother's school either! LOL I told him that he wouldn't be going for a long time and he asked if he was going to be mom and dad age when he began school.

Too cute!

I appreciate the thoughts of me! Funny, I thought about you the other day when I was trying a recipe out for Cinnimon Crisps (flour tortios with cinnimon and sugar baked). They were good and the GN asked me to make her some for the Saints game this past Sunday. Big hit!

LMAO...baking's not my thing...LOL...I have to be "in the mood." LOL I may make some more for my Christmas lunchon.

Well, I'm happy to hear that things are going so well! Merry Christmas! Enjoy every minute! Take care of yourself! O&H! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />