I have no clue if I should post this here or a different thread. If my post should be somewhere else then please let me know.
I just have to say that I'm still learning to let it go and leave it in the past. Per some advice here I've stopped hounding H about the encounter. I've stopped with the 20 questions because I've realized that him coming completely clean, being willing to answer my gruesome questions, and his ACTIONS have been astounding!
Every now and then I have a moment...and he agreed that when I had a moment like that to call him at anytime no matter where he or I may be to just call him. I called him earlier today and didn't even have to say a word. He heard it in my voice. Unfortunately he was at work and in a deep conversation with his boss and asked that he call me back...when he called me back he said this, "Hi love of my life. I thought that I heart some pain in your voice, some emotion, some insecurities. Is there anything I can say to make you feel special like you are?" I WAS FLOORED! I just started crying on the phone.
A few seconds went by and he said, "Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind. Do you have another question? My ear is all yours...right along with my heart and never ending love." I just giggled...and cried! He's so sweet.
He asked if I was having a 'moment' when I called and I said that yes I was. He didn't ask what about and I didn't mention it...because we just know. He understands that these moments kill me at times and I'm working through them...but for him to work with me and be so sensitive and so well synchronized...my heart was so filled with warmth and love and the tears that came out of my eyes were pure happiness! He asked if I was ok (because I was crying) and I told him, "Yes, I'm ok now. I just needed to hear your voice and hear you say something to bring me out of the moment. And you did...you did it so well." He asked why I was still crying, "I'm just emotional because of how sensitive you are to me." He just said, "I always have been. I want us to be together forever and if that means that I need to get more mushy and extra sensitive then so be it. I have no shame in it...you are the love of my life and I'll do anything for you to understand that fully someday."
My heart is singing right now...and I just needed to share. I know that some of you are still going through the grief...this is a long process, I'm still grieving to this day. But for those that are in recovery and are working together for a common goal...it actually does get better!!
I still have my moments...but it helps to have a loving H by my side. Falling in love with each other everyday is far exceeding my problems with the past. Now if I could just leave it in the past! If you have insight on THAT I'm all ears! LOL
Korlis