Bob,
I agree with Aussieswife on the need for IC for your dear Squid.
The only person she can talk to (if she does at all) is you and you are hardly neutral in the matter.
The twisting the knife stuff comes to mind here.

The value of a (GOOD) neutral third party here is not to be underestimated.
Like with a life-threatening rare physical condition it is important to find an experienced doctor to help you, it's important to shop around for an experienced pro-M therapist here.

The fact that you can't find one right away shouldn't stop you from finding one at all.
You could "check out" any therapist yourself before sending Squid there, by having a few IC sessions with him/her first.

This guilt thing is serious stuff.
It eats you alive if not dealt with.

((((Bob & Squid))))
I often think about you guys.

What you all seem to miss is Squid won't go. I can't drag her there.

She's getting more open to it just lately though. We'll have to see what occurs.

"Guilt isn't a bad thing.
It makes us sharp.
It makes us better."

Not my quote, but I think it's right on the money about the BEST thing guilt can be turned into.
The warrior-like resolve to learn from your mistakes and to be a better, more alert person, that will protect the ones you love.
Doesn't matter if you're a 5 ft. very thin lady <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
- the warrior resides inside.

I hope she'll realise she will be doing YOU a favor also by going.

Bob

yes I know thats been an issue with Squid for some time and no you can't drag her there and what good would it do if she was not wanting to get help?

Gentle encouragement and assurance may be the continuing plan here Bob.
Would knowing that her seeking help would also help you perhaps get her over the hill ?
Its almost a bit like the chicken & the egg thing ... she wants you to trust and respect her again and you wish to do so but are distrustful until you see positive action to show you the M is being affair proofed as Harley says.
I feel it is a particular british heritage thing the reluctance to seek assistance for good mental health. We seem by culture to reject it at first and say 'just get over it will you" or stiff upper lip etc.

Perhaps she really needs a medical professional here not just an IC? I had to go that path and thank God I did. And yes I was pushed and nagged and almost dragged there too at first. Then the light bulb flashed and it no longer became a chore because it helped immensely, was I lucky or just ready for it? both? not sure.

praying for you both {{{{{Bob & Squid}}}}} tell her from me Bob.. ."Squid please begin to forgive yourself so both of you can heal, its not easy but it is worth it!"

Darn you AW, you made me cry again.
I'm trying to quit.

Good show though, good show.

SS

Bob,

So as not to TJ, will start a new thread on self-worth. Maybe I can get my thoughts together enough to explain how I did what I did - and maybe give you some ideas on how to help her.

I understand her on the counseling thing. Will explain on new thread.

SB