I want to hear what you all first said or thought when you first found out. Funny, serious or sad.

For me it was:

"We can get through this".

He wasn't home when I found out. I left him a note on his pc screen (where I found "the home made video" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) saying "I have to think about this. I'll be back when I have calmed down."

I couldn't say or think anything. I found that I couldn't breathe. I did suspect that something was up for about a week, but hearing my FWW, my closest partner for over 20 years actually admit that she'd been unfaithful with a co-worker at the office still "cored" me.

Peter

I documented how I felt and what I did HERE

Oddly enough FWH and I both had the exact same reactions, the same emotions at that precise moment....

IMMENSE RELIEF.

The ONS had occurred three years prior to d-day, I had immediate suspicions and had spent three long years trying to ferret out the truth. H had spent those three long years desperately trying to bury the truth.

So when it finally came to light we were BOTH relieved. The admission of guilt....I can`t call it a confession because I had to call his bluff to finally get the truth.. came via an ICQ chat I had with H. I had left him and was staying with my sister.

When I saw the words on the screen I immediately felt vindication and relief. I wasn`t crazy, I wasn`t paranoid....I wasn`t a mean spirtied shrew for not wishing to become friends with the ONS OW. All things I had been repeatedly accused of during those three long years.

And H immediately after typing his "confession" typed...."I am so glad this has finally come out, this is a huge weight off my shoulders"

I think our identical reactions to H`s admission of guilt was the first positive step forward we took together in recovery.

Once she admitted to me that she was "in love" with him, my first response was "how can you be in love with someone you just met and can't possibly KNOW?!?!".

Needless to say, that didn't go over well with fogged out WW at the time.

I left the house for about 4 hours to keep from going totally stupid on her...big mistake. She called him and he bought her tickets to go live with him.

When she told me that he'd bought her plane tickets to go live with him (even though they'd never met in person), I told her that I wasn't going to accept her living in my house chatting with him the whole time while waiting on her flight...so she moved out to a motel. I also told her that since this was her decision, SHE could tell the kids about what she'd been doing and what she was planning.

That was nearly as ugly as when I confronted her. (our kids were 17 and 15 at the time, and they were FURIOUS with her).

Looking back, I really don't think I should have handled it any differently. It ended up being GOOD that they rushed things so much...because it tied her affair into her flying to live with him. When she started having doubts, it caused HIM to tell her not to come...made her feel like the whole affair was over. Had that not happened, it could have drug out a lot longer.

Can't say yet.

"I'm NOT having an AFFAIR!!! I'm in LOVE with OM!!! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND????"

I actually said Thank You. If that ain't the craziest thing in retrospect.

I had already discovered so many things that pretty much made me believe she had an A. Then I spoke with the OM and she still denied. My world was a mess. Then she called me at work and admitted it and all I could do is say "Thank You".

I think she thought I was crazy but it actually was a relief to know I wasn't crazy.

We'll get through it.

He looked at me like I was loca.

Turns out I was loca...but in a totally good way.

- Kimmy

Awww, crap. Not again!

WAT, you are the funniest thing on MB!!!!! So sarcastic and sharp witted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

HS

THE FIRST THING OUT OF MY MOUTH WAS,

"Thank you, so I'm not going insane after all!"

Heartsore

We were at our first MC session when I asked WH 3x if he was having an A with OW. (I had found a ltr from OW so I had the evidence ready if he denied anything.) When I asked him the first time, he said "I refuse to answer that question." The therapist then said, "H, your wife is asking you a question. Please answer it." Then I asked him again. WH then said, "No, I'm not having an A." I responded with, "Oh really, then can you explain this ltr I found?" I made a copy of the ltr for the therapist and for WH. WH's jaw dropped. He grabbed the ltr and hid it. WH admitted to the A after the ltr was revealed. That was the most scariest day of my life because I had to confront my own H. It was also liberating because I finally had a answer.

After WH admitted to the A, our therapist asked me what I wanted. I responded, "I want a second chance. I want to work on our M."

My very first thing out was "How COULD you??!!

She confessed to "the most awfull thing..."

I sat, stunned... later when I got my wits about me, I approached her and told her that I didn't know exactly the path, but people must recover from this, and we'll go to counselling and work on it....

With glazed look she said, "I SHOULD want to do that."

I didn't think it was possible for that sinking feeling in my stomach to get any lower.

My very first thought was, "I'm not crazy. It wasn't me, and it's never been me."

He had told me I was crazy for so many years, that I had gone from fighting that characterization to fearing it was true, to believing it.

The relief was very short-lived. It lasted about ten seconds, I think, before the hurt crashed in.

I have no idea. That night is really painful for me to think about. I do know that I was thinking to myself, "Why is this happening?" but I'm not sure of whatever else. I also know that I asked if there was anyone else, and made her tell me who. She had many ONS and one real PA. It made me sick to my stomach.

When WXH said he was leaving, and that he'd been having an A for the past 3 months, I couldn't say anything. I felt like he'd hit me in the chest with a club and knocked all my breath out of me.

I think the first thing I said, once I was capable of speech was 'why?'

Alph.

I truly can't remember. But my conversations with OW I can recall almost word for word. The reason being I had to talk very slowly and precisely because English isn't her first language. I honestly thought the lady was asking for 'pizza' so I told her she had the wrong number. "pizza, pizza, purlease" (Peter, Peter)!

And then she said my name and the penny dropped.


Edited to add: Alphin - I laughed so loud when I read the Groucho Marx quote. Brilliant.

he denied & denied

when he finally told the truth

I said

"You're out of here"

he said

"I'll do anything to stay"

I said "call OW's husband & confess to him in person, while I am sitting next to you"

... he did

this was 10 years ago ... will be 11 years this December

Pep