First, WOW... I can't believe your lil' one is almost 8! Now I feel like I've been around here a long time!

Secondly, you mentioned something on the medc thread about possibly allowing C between OC and OM, should OM someday seek it. Is this something new you and your W have poja'd? The last I recall, I thought you would show him the door should he come a calling. I might just have a poor memory though, lol.

Lastly... Always feel sentimental and even kind of bittersweet this time of year, (OC's bday), but as the years go by, it's getting to be more sweet and less bitter. That's a good thing, right? Anyway, just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for being a very calm voice of reason in my early days. I am forever grateful to you and others like Tigger, JL and TMCM, but also some of the "retired" folks like MaryJanes and BTDT, (remember them)? Also, (and was again reminded when you mentioned this in the medc thread), I want to thank you for the legal advice you passed on to me via what your attorney advised you and your wife. It really, REALLY helped to put my H's and my mind at ease back then. But should my xom ever come back... I may be asking you for the name of your attorney, since you said he is one of the best. I know we're "out of the woods", with the whole 2 yr thing, but a little part of me sometimes worries about the other shoe dropping.

Hope all is well with you.

~ad

Hi Autumn,

Yeah, it's hard to believe how time has flown! It's been a while, and the time is certainly a component to healing.

You asked about my comment about allowing contact with OC and OM. It's completely hypothetical, and my wife would actually have the hardest time with that. The key is (always) remaining with the no contact---although their affair ended so badly with fighting over this unborn child that I worry more about being struck by lightening than with that romance rekindling.

I'm glad that I was able to help you when you were going through this trauma. It's terrible---and when it starts, you feel like you're the only one who has ever had to manage this and no one can possibly have felt these feelings and had to deal with it. It's good to find that there are others (and that sadly, it's not even that uncommon). And yes, I remember MaryJanes and BTDT. Those guys are "middle timers...". I remember the oldies like Animac, HGB, Laurie, DuncanMac and Suse, Glenn and Carol, D99H, terri, Chris (hey---he's still around), Susan (ditto...). It's funny how many threads I still remember.

I'm glad to not be putting as much time in here now. It seems to be harder to help people on the boards---it's noisier these days.

I'll be happy to provide you attorney names should you need it, but I have a strong doubt that you will.

Best,

"K"

Thanks for the reply K.

Gosh if the posters I mentioned are middle-timers, that makes me still a newbie! That's ok... I'll take anything young sounding these days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />



From your lips to God's ears.

And here's hoping your hypothetical situation remains hypothetical. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey,

In both of your experiences and in your discussions with others in your positions what do you guys think about:

1. Paternity Presumption laws:

a. Are they adequate?

b. Is a 2 year of 4 year window too long? Wouldn't a 1 year window from any kind of notice of potential paternity (assuming OM's can do math and figure out they may be the father of the OC) within to stake a claim be more relieving and still adequate?

c. If the law provided OM more rights (or just more easily enforceable rights) do you think he would have utilized such laws to legitimately get rights to OC OR to disturb/interfere/destroy your marriage?

d. Do you support more liberal father rights for the OM's in your situation?

2. How often have you heard of an OM coming forward legitimately to assume a limited role in OC's life, albeit such custody will necessitate the payment of child support and provide limited custody rights?

a. Have you ever heard of an OM getting full custody?

b. How much custody have you ever heard OM getting?

c. To your knowledge do most of the OM's only appear in hopes to "get the girl" and once the married couple says OK we will or might consider discussing things with you but just so you know...you will never have contact with WW again...is it then the OM's threats disappear? (i.e.- how many OM's, in your experience and to your knowledge really want to be involved in OC's life versus playing a power trip on WW and BH)


Any other input is greatly appreciated. I thank you in advance for your answers to these questions. This question concerns me. I think it's a liberal attack on the American family and if successful will just be another cog in the destruction of our society. I just don't believe there is a legal solution satisfactory to support such position. I made SOUND fair and "equal". It's good lip service but in practice (in the trenches where you two have been) it's simply not workable. In fact, if your states were willing to give him any rights versus the states that don't give OM any rights wouldn't you recommend MOVING before the birth of OC to insure OM is shut out legally by a certain law (and then you and your BS can make reasonable accomodations with the OM IF YOU CHOOSE).

Your thoughts will be appreciated.

Mr. Wondering

1a. In most states, I'd say that yes, they are adequate.

1b. I'd say that a 2 year window is fine. One year might be short, especially if one were trying to establish stuff before court. Remember in many states this is a moot point---the OM has no legal standing to challenge paternity.

1c. In the case of our OM, I think that it would be unlikely that he would have used the laws to get 'rights' to the OC, because that would come with the responsibility of child support. You see a whole lot of the "disturb/interfere/destroy" stuff with women who have an OC with a married man working the system (just read on the pregnancy forum).

1d. No, I don't support liberal father rights of OM's. They're not "fathers" in the sense of the word, and the father rights advocates who are preaching that fatherhood should equate rights equal to mothers is based on a flawed premise.

2. By himself? Once. It was a court case that was on TV years ago. Never on these boards.

2a. Never. The only time you could ever imagine this is in the death of the couple or in an extreme case where both parents were ruled "unfit".

2b. None.

2c. Most OM's go away. Their desire to be a part-time father isn't strong enough to push them to do the work and pay the support. There are easier ways to get laid.


I don't worry about this too much. If your OM becomes too much of a pain, just have him wacked.

(That's a joke)