Hi All.

Ok...well most of you know that I have a great husband and a very willing participant in my journey to healing. He's been the best friend he had needed to be from the beginning. We are in great recovery and we fall in love with each other more and more everyday.

As I stated before, we have a little 'thing' where if I'm in a 'moment' or having a 'bad time' that I'm to call him so we can work through it. He's such a trooper and I am truly blessed.

My questions to all of you are:

a. Am I 'entitled' to have him be there for me like this?
b. Is this a love buster?
c. If he's willing and very very emotionally available for me, does that make me co-dependent to NEED him to talk me through a bad thought, image, moment?
d. Is this a good thing for our marriage?

Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm draining him and I've asked him if it bothers him that I'm so needy and insecure right now. He says it's all his fault and he needs to help me get through it and fix it. He says that he knows the strong real me and that this will lessen over time. But he's very adamant in saying that the way things are right now and my bad moments are his fault...and he is owning it all.

I have a great guy and I don't want to ruin things because I need him to talk me through a moment everytime I need him to. But, honestly, who else can help me through a bad time? Wouldn't he be the only one?

Please help. I'm afraid I'm not helping matters...at least indirectly. Grrr...I'm such a mess.

Thanks in advance. You're the GREATEST!
Kor

you are doing the right thing. for as long as he is okay with you calling him, you should do so.

a: no you are not "entitled". this is a gift that you are recieving, undeservedly, out of love

b: it doesnt matter

c: it is good to lean on your spouse

d: working through things *together* with your spouse, is always better than working through something with a different person who will destroy your marriage.

Korlis... you are building intimacy and rebuilding trust. Offer the same support to him during his moments. The WS or FWS also has a hard road... make this a 2 way street.

You do have a gift from your H... and he wants you to receive it. Let him know how thankful you are for his gift. Most men like to know they are helping.

Be aware of the co-dependency. A strong marriage, IMO, is one where both of you walk together hand in hand and are able to hold each other up during rough times... but when one continually holds the other up for long stretches... this exhausts the marriage. Right now you need it, but in time, find help in learning how to hold yourself up and be a partner with your H.

Patience,

Shaden

You're both absolutely right.

However, I know that my 'neediness' for constant reassurance is only temporary. I was afraid that I may be draining him, but he's my best friend and he's made it clear that I am his. So, we hold each other up. He has hard times, too. Mostly about feeling guilty and major shame. I can see it in his face when he has to tell me that I'm the only one and he made a huge mistake and it will never happen again. I can see him almost reliving the guilt he thought he was over. At that point I look at him and tell him that it isn't 'OK', but...we'll get through together.

Then after applying the magical bandaid we put smiles on and the passion resumes.

I think we're doing great. I just want to make sure that I'm not hurting the marriage.

Anymore input anyone?

Kor