Here's the latest dating (learning) experience:

Last night I was to go on a date with a man for the first time after having emailed & talked on the phone for a couple of weeks.

We agree to meet at a restaurant. I get there 3 to 5 minutes late due to minor accident on the road, not mine. He's not there. I wait inside the restaurant for 15 minutes. He doesn't show or call, he has my cell phone number.

I'm near a friend's studio so I go there. I'm there for 10 min or so & the would be date calls. He asks where I am. I tell him I waited, he didn't show so I left. He asks if I'm coming to the restaurant. I say no perhaps another time, I would be irritated & didn't want to meet then. He
hadn't apologized but said he ran late with something & got to the restaurant as soon as he could.

I say perhaps another time. He then apologizes & says he should have called. He askes again for me to come to restaurant after all I'm in town. No, I say not tonight. He says well, I apologized why not show some compassion. Again I say no, maybe another time, he's says no, let's not.

This is how I feel about this:

He should have called to say he was going to be late.
He sould have apologized right away.
He should have taken my no, as a gentleman, & left it alone realizing he'd made a mistake & give me time to decide about maybe making plans again to meet.

What do you guys think?

This is why we date. To weed our “field of eligibles”, so to speak. And one would most certainly want to weed out someone who is unreliable, disrespectful AND discourteous. My old Italian grandmother used to have a saying from the old country—I can still hear her say it in her broken English: “I take-a the garbage out. I no let you bring it-a back in!”

Being late for a date is more than just being late. It gives the impression that you do not respect your date’s time and that you are also someone that cannot be relied on. If you're running late, then have the courtesy to call the other person. This holds true if you are picking a date up somewhere like a restaurant or meeting her at her house—you don't leave the person waiting without any explanation.

I think it is even more disrespectful when someone is in a restaurant because the situation can potentially become embarrasing for the person waiting.

Hi Nams,
sounds like you have good instincts.
and the guts to follow them.
i think you did good.

nams,

I think that meeting someone at a place (as opposed to picking them up at home) requires being there on time. Otherwise, the date ends up feeling stupid standing around waiting.

He should have called if he was going to be 15 minutes late. And he should have apologized for not calling.

I think as others said, you learned something about him already, and it's not very encouraging.

Of course there are always reasons, excuses, etc, but you are probably smart to move on.

AGG

Write him off... He should have called you if he was running late. And he told you to show some compassion? C'mon!

You did the right thing. Find someone that is worthy of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm with you and the rest. The call should have come way earlier, to let you know he would be late and apologize for it, not when he got there wondering where you are!

My first thought was that he didn't want to call on cell while driving. But then, you can always pull over.
Second thought, he was still interested and wanted to meet you. You chose not to meet him. His response to that wasn't what I would like.
Third, my last date (sometime in winter 2006) the guy called me to say he was running late and apologized - and arrived on time anyway. I thought that was very considerate.

My real first thought was: Wow a date. How do I get one of the those? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm sure many women would have been desperate enough to meet him anyway.

He blew it,plain and simple."Running late with something" is not an excuse in my book and he should have apologized right away when he called, not ask you where you were.Then to be pushy and keep asking to meet,that's a turn off.Apology NOT accepted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

On to the next one.jmo

Thanks All! You know...I try to be polite, try not to be a harsh judge, be considerate of other's circumstances but he was just wrong & rude.

Funny newly! Oh, I'll bet you can get a date. Just be careful or it'll be with someone like this guy.

A while ago someone wrote that they were reluctant to date because their "picker was broken".
It goes back to the poor choices we made before and don't want to make again.

I keep reading AGG's post about G keeping up her appearance. I am the exact opposite, my clothes are clean, hair brushed or pinned up and I put makeup on while driving and that's good enough. No wonder I have no dates.

I even got new shoes & a new shirt for the date. Sort of...I really need them for work so I kinda got a twofer.


I wondered if I'd hear from last night's non-date. I didn't & really hope I don't.

I admire your strength Nams.
I'm not sure how I would have reacted in your situation.
I applaud you for the way you handled it. You deserve to be treated with more respect than he gave you.

Karona

Thank you Karona, but my friend had a lot to do with my strength. While my cell phone was ringing I'm holding it saying "OMG, what do I do?" So we did a supper fast assesment & the rest is history.

That's what friends are for!

Here's a question. Have any of you made a pact with your friends about a new person in your life?

My D'd friends and I have agreed to let the others know if we felt that the person was wrong for us or if they saw warning signs. I don't know if it will work, but it's worth a try. Sometimes the rose colored glasses look so clear, that we can't see the warts.

My friends nixed the guy I dated most of last year. I still kept seeing him, but saw no future. He was a nice guy, but not enough depth for me.

Interesting Newly!

I myself do not have such an arrangement, but do have some friends that actively look for me. I swear, they look more than I do, and they're married! funny.

K!

Nams, IMO neither of you really wanted that meeting.
And... therefore!? - I see luck of tollerance/patience on both sides too...?

Btw, did you have his cell phone number?

B2M, you always have an interesting perspective & it's usually one I've not considered.

You're right about me not being thrilled about meeting him. He, though, did try to set up meetings a few times before we made these plans. My feeling is he's the spontaneous type. That can translate into not wanting to make plans that may tie him down.

Yes, I had his cell number. I didn't want to call him for a couple of reasons. One, what if I'd been stood up? Calling would seem like I was chasing him down. No thank you. Two, I think it was his obligation to call me since he was the one running late. Had I been late, rarely am but let's just suppose, I would have phoned him

nams,

I had the same reaction as B2M <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. It seemed that you really were not all that much into the date - if you were, you would have called him when YOU were running late <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, or when you got there and he was not there.

I think you did the right thing, but it is interesting to see how our attitudes affect our actions. Hmm, perhaps he was not that much into the date either, huh?

AGG

I’m thinking 5 minutes late for a woman counts as being fashionably late. If you’re early it looks like you’ve been stood up even when you haven’t. I was fifteen minutes late for my first date with M. I didn’t have his cell phone, so when I realized I was going to be late, I called his house—twice, and then called the restaurant and told them to look for him and give him the message. They didn’t. Turns out I was only ten minutes late, and he waited. The point is, I bent over backwards to get word to M. It was the first date, I really couldn’t be late, and if I were, I wanted to call. M found the desperate phone messages cute.

I have to disagree with AGG & B2M, I would never consider calling if my date is late, especially on the first date! If I were the one running late, yes, I would not hesitate to call him and let him know...it's called being considerate.