I "don't think" I could let that statement "go" if a guy were to say that to me. Therefore, I think I would remain distant, IF I even continued to date him.

Karona

You're right AGG, a lot of this wondering is tied up in the fact I'd like SOMEBODY. Since he's atractive to me I think...why not test it out.

Intellectually I know it doesn't make sense to move ahead...but I do so want to spend some time with a man & enjoy it. Not be perpetually in first date mode. I think, OK, we'll just date casually, then I consider the fact emotions might develop & it's all just so disappointing.

I feel like I've been on a million first dates & finally one man who I can see spending time with comes along, I want to pursue it anyway. Some of the time.

Sigh...

Has anybody heard of singles gourmet .com?

In my area it's expensive, $375 membership fee plus the cost of events. In other areas of the country it's much less. I think NY was initially $75 then $45 to renew.

Has anybody had experience with this group?

No, but get the email address for me please. I typed in what you have, and didn't hit it.

Hi newly! www.singlegourmet.com

This works. Tell me what it's like in your area.

I can uderstand him... Even now that I'm old for another child (as per many people, and not as per me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />), I would love to have another one. And if 'he' does not... why to marry, especially that I live with my little boy and all problems that 'blended families' might cause...

BUT, I'm also sure, if he is 'the one', I'd marry him and not have another child if he doesn't want.
In general, my little boy is enough for me... just deeply in me a wish/dream to have a little girl too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Accordingly, Nams, if you are 'the one' for him (assuming he is for you), I'm sure he'd accept M without children.
(Would you like to have another child, btw?)


There are men (and women) they'd say that (at the beginning) just to avoid M if they do NOT want it later on ('with you').
Or to check if you are looking just for a M material or for much more than that...

error ->

Nams, you are smart enough to know the answer as you say above. And yet I totally understand the feelings of "I have been alone so long, what's wrong with just having fun and enjoing someone's company?". The answer is, nothing. There is nothing wrong with that. The only thing there is is risk - risk that you will fall for him and want him in your life, only to be reminded that he does not want marriage. Maybe that is OK for you, but if it's not, think about it now, before you get involved. I know, easier said than done, it is so tempting to just let things develop. Sigh, I wish I had the answer.

AGG

Hmmm, not sure that I agree with this. Look at Lexxxy, Anna, GG - none of their BFs seem to capitulate to marriage, so I think that it's somewhat of a game to assume that you can change someone's mind about these things...

AGG

AGG, my BF would not capitulate on marriage. He very much wants to be married. He has a problem saying "I love you." Although he did say "Just because someone doesn't say ILY back, doesn't mean that person doesn't feel those feelings too." Total M speak. I don't read too much into, but I do take that as saying "Hey, I care for you a lot."

I figure M will probably say I love you when he proposes. Now, the only question is... will the proposee be me?

Then, I just have to figure out if I have the courage to say yes and try the experiment again.

Back to nams thread...

Look, at a few dates you won't even know if you like him enough to marry him. I'd date him while continuing to pursue others. That way you won't fall for him seriously.

Yes, yes, I know I couldn't possibly know if I want to marry him, lock me up if I said I did please.

I guess this is fear speaking. I want...I don't want to risk getting hurt. Back & forth, again & again. It's not like a normal risk where you get involved then find issues that are deal breakers. I know from the start there are BIG differences in what we want for our futures.

What keeps me questioning is I'm not 100% certain I want to remarry, fairly certain but...that & I want some company, he's looking good so why not?

I find it difficult to multiple date.

Time to let this issue die I think.

Nothing to do with 'your case' here I guess, but I need to write down 'a thought' of mine ('slogan' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
If I have to chose - I would always chose to love and be hurt (again) than never love (again)...
Well, it seems I need that feeling (again) more than I admit to myself...

I know exactly what you mean B2M. That's why I was having the debate with myself about whether to date or not to date this man who doesn't want to remarry.

Hmmm, sort of like the line from Moulin Rouge...

I feel the same way every time I go through a long period of being alone - "I am tired of being alone, why can't I have a Valentine's Day with someone special, I'd rather try and fail than not try".

And then, when I am in a relationship that is not working well, I remember how good I felt alone, and I start thinking "It is really better to be alone than to be wishing I were alone"... Yes, even being "in love" does not compensate for a relationship that is not working.

So, I don't know if the short term benefits of having someone special are worth the drawbacks of being with someone who you suspect will end up being wrong for you. It's a tough one...

Anyway, I think I can definitely relate to how you feel - just not sure how long it'll take me to feel ready to try again, having just been so disappointed.

AGG

'Aint that the truth.As Dr.Phil says: I would rather be healthy and alone than sick and with someone.Like my ex.

I feel good being on my own now.I'm not sure I want to be in the pool again.And you can't be disappointed if there's no one there to disappoint you.I'm too easy going in life and I don't want any drama.Seems to be lots of that going around.