I have one other question that I would really like your opinion on. I have been a housewife for 11 years, not working at all outside the home. So maybe I just don't know what it is like out there in the working world. Are these things normal with co-workers:

1. Friendships with opposite sex other than work related?
2. Leaving a flower on the desk of an upset co-worker to
cheer her up after a bad day? (not buying a flower)
3. Going out of your way to lessen the workload of a co-
worker?
4. Wanting to go out for a drink as a group?

Maybe I am over-obsessive but I hear of all these friendships with the opposite sex at work and doing kind deeds for them. But aren't most affairs with co-workers? Is this normal out in the work world?

confused....

did your husband pass two lie detector tests over this issue and about having an affair with anyone..

you can't beat lie detector tests..
you can't....

did your husband not leave the job with the flower girl...
did he leave because of your reaction to flower girl
is this NEW behavior...OR is it still left over from that old job...

AND

are you driving a wedge in to your marriage over this...

you're here
you're posting..

lets start with what's going on with YOU
before anything else..

we need context to your questions....

happyhour with work friends...can be very very normal
lessening the work of co-worker when you can and it is just because you can...can be normal....
leaving some trinkit that it already in the office on a upset co-workers desk can be normal..
ESPECIALLY if it was ONE time over a year ago..

what is going on with YOU that you want to believe so badly your husband is cheating....

and what havoc is this wreaking on your relationship...

need more info before one can answer your questions...

ARK

yes he passed 2 lie detector tests that he didn't cheat and also that he gave her the flower because she was indeed upset... which would make most women very happy... i just feel bad becasue he wasn't doing much of anything to cheer me up so i feel like he had feelings for her... even though the tests says otherwise or at least that he was being truthful about why he left the flower... i know there must be something wrong with me... insecure...most likely...I just didn't know if this was all normal behavior because I have been in the house so long.. I am starting school in January so maybe then I will see how it is... about the lie detector,,, i know they are not 100 proof but i do believe in them for the most part...it is not that I wanted him to have cheated I am just afraid I think that if he did do something that he is not sorry and that maybe he doesn't love me the way i thought he did.. he has always been quite nice to people,,, everyone loves him so i guess it is not new behavior... he says that he has bought lunch and coffee for co-workers in the past and to him it means ths same as the plastic flower...why am i so insecure? i just basically want to know if i over-reacted in this whole situation.. if everyday people would be offended also or not...

Answers below. For context, neither my wife nor I have cheated, but we both have a strong sense of marital propriety - ie we try not to do things that might seem inappropriate to the other.

1. Yes. There have been a couple of women from work that I run with sometimes. Always in a group and never alone together. I also did my best to get them to the house to meet my wife and son, both so my wife could meet my work friends and so my female work friends understood that I was *very* married.

2. This is not something that I would do. I reserve such gestures for my wife. I might get a card and have everybody sign it, or get some people and take her to lunch.

3. Yes. We all try to help each other where we can.

4. Yes. I don't go for drinks with the crew as often as I would like - I'm not comfortable being out having a good time while my wife is home. But I do go sometimes.

I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Does he make these special gestures towards you? Is he this considerate towards you?

He loves you enough to TAKE two lie detector tests..

how do you think that makes him feel...

you don't trust him and he did nothing wrong...
and he goes above and beyond the mile to prove his love...

has he not quit this job also since this incident...

confused37

how many times a day...
week
month do you bring this up


how much energy are you spending thinking about this..

has this become your
habit
hobby
obsession...

these might be tough questions .but I think you should explore him...

how often do you speak your admiration for being a good worker provider breadwinner...

so you can stay at home....

you tell me that answer..

did you over react...

ARK