Hi everyone. Its been awhile since I have posted. Things have been going pretty well in our R. Still some rollercoaster times but over all, things are good. I was actually finding myslef getting to the point where I was no longer just "going througb the motions" of working on the marriage and meeting FWH en. I was actually starting to feel the warm and fuzzies for him again. I felt actual "love" for him at times again. I was actually starting to feel happy (to my own shock LOL!) My last posts here were about not being able to "shake the saddness" I was stil feeling. Those feeling were going away as well thanks to a lot of hard and diligent work by my FWH. After being on Lexapro for about 8 months, I felt it was no longer necessary to be on it and wanted to be off them. I went to my dr and we worked out a schedule to wean off. Well, here I am about a month later and I am completely off the AD's, problem is, all those icky, horrible feelings are coming back. All the anger towards FWH and the affair, the INTENESE anger towards OW and wanting to hunt her down and destroy her life, the warm fuzzies are gone, and I feel like I am back going through the motions again (and not doing a very good job of it) I know my Dr said they might be a spike of anxiety and emotions for a bit after weaning off and OH BOY was he right! I am back to be very emotional (even crying at stupid comercials!). I don't like how I am feeling these days. I am scared that maybe I haven't really delt with the emotions and feelings I had/have about FWH and the A, that the AD's were like a band aid just supressing and covering them up. Now that I ripped the band aid off, I find this huge gaping wound still! I don't want to be back here emotionaly again. THIS SUCKS! Now I find myslef terrified that I am either going to feel like this the rest of my life, or I have to spend the rest of my life on AD's so I don't. I don't like either choice.

Has anyone else weaned off their AD's? Did your emotions get wonky for awhile then even out again? I am at a loss right now. My Dr is a man that is not the most, ummmm, friendly and personable guy. I am on HMO so I can't just switch and I know if I call he will just say wait and call me next month if its not better. Not the most sympathetic creature. Anyone have any thoughts about this?

I was on Adapin 20 years ago, and quit cold turkey...no ill effects. I was also on Wellbutrin 5 years ago and quit cold turkey...again, no ill effects.

My wife was on Wellbutrin 4 years ago but quit when she got pregnant. She was great during the pregnancy, but crashed badly a month after our son was born. Whether because of seasonal affective disorder, postpartum depression, or the fact that it was a hugely stressful time for both of us - don't know. Probably all three. Anyway the doctor put her on Lexapro and she functioning again in a few weeks.

Now we're weaning her off the Lexapro in preparation for the second pregancy. It's been a slow process...she went from a full tablet to a half tablet, stayed there for several weeks. Then she tried to go from half to none, but had to back off to a quarter tablet because she got too grouchy/irritable, got headaches and couldn't sleep. She's like that if she doesn't get her med for a couple days.

So with Lexapro especially I'd say go slow. The stuff seems hard to get off of. Maybe your doctor tried to take you off too fast?

I really feel for you. I have suffered from depression for years. Just before discovering the A, I quit prozac because I felt distance in the M and blamed the antidepressant for lack of desire. I thought quitting would help the R.

After the big shock, I assumed my despair was normal, and had a need to feel my feelings. I was probably too incapacitated to get help. This were the worst two years of my life. Finally, I woke up enough to get to the Dr. and request Wellbutrin(low risk of sexual side effects.) Life immediately began to impprove, and I got over the obsessive "loop" thinking that kept me fixated on the A.

Depression needs to be recognized as an organic medical condition for which medication is an appropriate treatment. I'm guessing you were not depressed prior to your R problems, so the depression is most likely temporary. However it doesn't seem to me that you've stuck with the treatment long enough to get a lasting readjustment of your brain chemistry. Please don't think of medication as a crutch. If you give the drug-free situation a few weeks and you're still miserable, you might reconsider whether or not you're cured yet.

Congratulations on your progress!! Be careful not to jeapordize your recovery trying to tough it out.

DT.

All,

MY FWW and I both took Lexipro and weaned off just lately. She started before Dday (05/31/04) because her Mom was dying from cancer.

I started about 5 months after Dday and 3 weeks after our 26 year old son was hit by a car and suffered severe brain damage.

For me, I started about Nov of 2004 and just weaned off April of 2006. So I had some months pre Lexipro to digest and vent emotions from the A, but then about 1 1/2 years on the AD to "mellow"??

Anyway, being just off the ADs does bring back some obsessing and blue days, or at least 1/2 days. But, in my case, the passage of time is healing the icky raw emotions and the anger.

My thought is you came off the AD's too quickly. 8 months seems long, but really isn't.

What if you cut down to 1/2 the dose for another 8 months? Those warm fuzzys and feeling happy must be there to become closer.

And why feel icky and angry?? It does not help build the M.

IMHO.

And PS on our son. He is walking well with a cane and has his short term and long term memory. The prognosis from his neurologist is he should be walking, driving a car, and being independent at some point down the road. It is a long process and we learned way more than we wanted to about brain injuries.

krk

When I went off Lexapro with a schedule made up by my Dr. I did slip back into some D & had some anxiety but not like it was prior to use.

It probably took me a couple of months to feel like I didn't want to go back on it.

I have to write quickly. However, I know that it is recommended that you not go off an AD before a year has gone by. My psychiatrist actually told me the new line of thinking is not to go off of an AD until one year of really feeling better. You might want to rethink your decision. What was the reason to get off of it so soon?

((krusht)) I am so sorry about your son but I am happy to hear that his long term prognosis is so optomistic. It is situations like that that put the important things in your life in a better perspective.

Thank you for your thoughts on the Lexapro. You are right about needing those warm and fuzzies. I am missing the feeling quite a bit and this whole thing is NOT helping our R.

Thanks for the input everyone. Maybe I should rethink how quickly I came off them. I know I had anxiety problems and probably some depression before D-day happened but I have always had an aversion to wanting to go on meds. My mother has a LONG history of different psyciatric problems and has been on and off LOTS of meds for years. I have always been terried that I would become my mother one day and become mentally unstable so I have always fought giving in to taking AD's or meds of that nature. I guess it kind of felt like "giving in". Sounds stupid I know.

Gosh, I don't know whether to ride this out a few weeks or go back on a low dose for awhile. I gained a lot of weight while on the Lexapro (over 20lbs) and it had sexual side effects I HATED!! Plus it was expensive since my insurance won't cover it. Kind of feeling damned if I do and damned if I don't right now <<sigh>>.

I was on Lexapro for 2.5 years when I weaned off. I have been off for at least 2 months now and am starting to feel pretty normal. The beginning of the wean was rough. Go slow.

I'm weaning off of Zoloft and am doing fine except during PMS week; then it's horrible! I'm down to 1/2 dose and will probably try to cut back to 1/4 after this week (when I'm on an upswing).

The trouble with going off of ADs too early is that you can get a rebound effect in regards to your depression. I can tell you that 8 months is too early.

After d-day, like so many BSs, I was thrown into a major depression. I got on Lexapro. It didn't take away my pain, but decreased my anxiety and helped me to cope. Unfortunately I also had sexual side effects. Eventually my internist sent me to a psychiatrist to deal with this. I think she 1st lowered the Lexapro dosage, but I still had the side effect. She then added Wellbutrin to the mix. With some folks that will get rid of the SF problem. It didn't with me so she took me off of Lexapro and had me just on Wellbutrin. I was on the ADs for almost 2 yrs before I weaned off.

My advice is don't wean off now. You are too soon into this mess. If you don't have a psychiatrist find one. He/she specializes in this. Not every AD works the same for every person. It can take a while to find the right one. Then, when you really have felt stable for a good while, try to wean off of them. JMHO!

Dear ATU--

Please, please educate yourself on mental illness so you understand that it is not shameful, medication is not an admission of guilt, and there is a genetic factor. It runs in families.

The fastest way to become "mentally unstable" is to refuse medication when you need it. (Obviously I'm not a Scientologist!!)

Understanding of psychiatric coditions and improvement in pharmecutical interventions have come so far in recent years. If a med has adverse side effects, keep working with you doctor until you find what works.

My younger sister is bipolar, and I have seen how destructive it can be when someone refuses needed medication.

Please try to accept that you may have a medical condition that will require long-term treatment, and be vigilant in looking for signs that you might have inherited a tendency for certain conditions. Get a good specialist, and make sure he/she knows your family history.

I'll get off my soap box. If it's not obvious, I feel strongly about this. There was a campaign a few years back called "erase the stigma" that might be enlightening if you can still find info on it...