If anyone is out there praying or compiling prayer lists, please include me.
When we married, my husband was only 21 and I was 25. My husband had never lived alone and was a Godly man that saved himself for marriage (no premarital sex, no dating, etc.). I was raised in the church, but strayed for some years and had ungodly relationships. A daughter was conceived from one such relationship. I did have the opportunity to experience the nothingness the world had to offer and I ran back to God whole-heartedly and haven’t looked back. I saved myself for marriage from that time forward. I know I am not perfect and I have a lot of flaws which I’m willing to address. However, I do think my husband has an unrealistic outlook on life, love and what marriage is and isn’t. It is very difficult to live with his concepts of relationships but he doesn’t see it. Of course, we all think the grass is greener on the other side. The difference is I’ve seen the other side and I know there’s nothing there – he hasn’t. We are also very different primarily due to our upbringing. I was raised in a two-parent Christian home with a father that was “a good man” and a provider. He was raised by a single mother that struggled to make ends meet and went through several relationships and religions during his time as a kid. His father was never in his life for any length of time. He has several brothers and sisters (papa was a rolling stone) and every last one of them have been divorced at least once.
After 6 years of marriage and 3 kids later, he is ready to leave me for sure (he has been threatening it since day one of our marriage). He had an affair 2 years ago when I was pregnant with our youngest child. I forgave him and we moved on (or so I thought). But he says he thinks we are just two different people and we can never see eye-to-eye. I say that opposites attract and complement each other. He thinks I treat him like a child (nag too much). That is probably true, but with all that we've been through I don't see that as a major issue.
He lost a very good job 2 years ago and has been unable to find a steady job since then. Even so, I have supported him in every way and never talked down to him because of it and he admits that as well.
I feel like we can work it out and I'm willing to do anything. He is looking for his own apartment right now and plans to move within a month or so. I am even trying to get him a job at my place of business (which looks promising), but he told me he will only accept if there are no strings attached because he is still leaving.
Now, he treats me like a stranger in our home (he sleeps downstairs on the sofabed). He doesn't speak to me unless it has to do with the kids. He still eats my cooking and tells me how good it is and how he will miss it. He is also still open to sex (it is very good and enjoyable from his and my perspective). I have been open to sex thinking it would "bring him back" to me mentally, but afterwards
he's back to treating me cold (I have to go back upstairs to bed and he doesn't speak anymore).
I am so very hurt. He has already sat the kids down and told them we will be separating. My 14-yr. old from a premarital relationship says it is "stupid" because even though we disagree sometimes, we go right back to hugging and kissing the next day (this is so true and the reason why I'm a little shocked). He is the only father she has known and she was teary-eyed at the news. My 2 and 4 year old boys hardly understand what it means. My 5-yr. old daughter wants us all to move with daddy (in other words doesn't want anything to change).
Please pray for me. I've read a lot of threads and I know the only advice is tough love (I've read James Dobson). But it hurts so bad and I know my children are suffering too. Part of me believes he will be back once he gets it all out of his system, but I am so broken hearted I don't know anything anymore. Prayer is the only thing that can help me.
