luv to Ws, 2long , JS , MM , Ms Rob , and the rest of the Madly in Luv peps at MB.

had a chance to check in.

she seems ok now yet very distant from me. dont want me to touch her dont want me to say any R type stuff. Still angry at me for "robbing " her of the joy that she could have in this man.

hey its no fun not having any of my EN met. She doesnt want to talk to me one minute then she is "squaking" the next.


outside i am really developing a poker face.but inside?.....torn apart. almost feels like rape.

I think its the withdrawal.

Yes its confirmed that OM is "in love" with his W.

all i do now is wait and listen to the rant and rave of this WW one minute then the care another.

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg!!!!!!!.

NC...

Yes, it certainly sounds like withdrawal to me...Hard as it is, now is the time to offer her empathy if you can bear to...Tell her that you understand that she is hurting and why...Offer to be her shoulder to cry on...Encourage her to talk to you about it...That is real intimacy, warts and all...It breaks my heart that I put Mr. W though any of that, but I will never forget the gentle strength that he showed me during that time...He became my hero when he did that, even though at the time I didn't recognize it as such...Try, if you can, to be bolstered by the fact that those of us who have been through withdrawal and made it out on the other side, recognize just where you are in this journey...Realize that you must go through this in order to get to the good stuff...Look at all of this as part of your whole life experience and take it all in, as much as it hurts and as hard as it is, know that "and this too shall pass", but live it...How would you really recognize the good times without going through the bad ones too, KWIM?

With Prayers,

Mrs. W

Ms.W the OM wedding seems to be going to still happen, wifey still looking to be by herself........says that it is easier to remember the bad and not the good stuff and other true intermixed with fooggy stuff.

she said that last week she looked at some apt and couldnt afford them.

said that she need time and space now.

Is this a real genuine thing? time and space?

am i being still suckered?

feel like i just cut my own legs from underneath me.

if it wasnt for my DS.........

PS no hand holding ,touching of SF in 2 months, she said i couldnt handle it and she doesnt want to lead me on.

In case we come apart.

what is she thinking?

Well NC, it does sound like withdrawal to me, however, I believe that she is still very vunerable to having contact with OM if he thinks he can get away with it-usually infidels try for what they refer to as "closure"-there is no such thing in an affair...Always best to inspect what you expect by snooping-any contact that she has with OM right now will set her withdrawal back to day one-it's one reason that I wanted you to remain connected to OM's fiancee and become allies with her in enforcing NC...Realize that right now your WW is probably also still angry with you over exposure...Not to worry, anger your marriage can survive, an ongoing affair it cannot...You've done the right thing here, now you must ride out the storm...You will survive this NC and be better than Okay in the end...Just hang on...

Mrs. W

just checking in........you are the only "family" right now i have.

I know for a fact that if WW could move she would do so now.

financially she cant.

still praying and plan Aing.

Hey the following is just venting OK?

so dont take me seriously.......

i cant stand any more of this #$%%(*& why is it that i can see where i clearly went wrong but the WS is playing some "righteous"judge in passing out sentence on my family by REFUSING TO FORGIVE and JUSTIFYING such a traumatic act.

this Morning someone we grew up and know well (she is now married ) was asking me about my health and how i looked so thin?

So what did i do........... exposed.........

She said that i ruined her day.

(what about my 3 months)

funny how the wife caught me in an off moment and asked me what was going on i said nothing.

she said i looked depressed and to stop because that made her depressed.

as if!!!!!!

look maybe i need to buy the manual that states "the many split personality of a WS"

if i coulda just "hurt" OM just a wee bit.... like castration...(gee just brought a smile to my face)

no,no, .....maybe if i hired someone to "rough him up a bit"

or plant a condom in my car and let WW freak out(lol)

ok seriously now.

no real conversation.........

just venting.

you know what? my son went silent since yesterday...does WW even care? no...just chalking it up to being tired.

Well i have DS for the weekend and trust me we....... are going to tour the world.

I will let WW be confused by herself for now.

just ranting...

PS thanks to all my family here.

Please pray that WW even have a concience soon.

Sorta miss real heart to heart talk.

luv from the ROCK.

I just thought about something........

Sorry I don't know your whole story yet.
Buttttt
Mywifeilove (another bh here)(in recovery now) said when he had his kids over he would do stuff that was never allowed in the house.
First he let them play with a little football in the hallway.......Kick field goals and stuff.
Then he took the kitchen table and dragged it in the living room and made a big tent and let the kids eat dinner in the tent while watching t.v.

Just some thoughts for your funfest with the kids.
I took my little ones S5 and D7 to the highschool football game (cheap and fun) and they saw a bunch of there little friends there too.

We got home and they called ww and said.
We went to the game and we got hotdogs and we seen the band and we cheered with the cheerleaders and we got little footballs and we got to play with the cheerleaders pom poms and daddy hugged about 10 girls he went to school with and we saw our friends (insert names here).

Made my whole week.

LOL
JS

OK so today is her birthday....and i sent her this.


It has been years.........

You are the most beautiful person i have ever met,
Even till now.
it is your inner beauty that draws any and everyone to you.
Your outer natural beauty is what turn heads,
this you must know.

As your friend i will tell you that God has kissed your face
Breathe love into your soul
Gave you the purity of insight and care
this you must know

As you celebrate you birthday remember this:

The present of a son
The present of singing
The present of life
The present of love
The present of a new job
The present of a cool boss
The present of education
The present of today
The present of friends
The Good;Bad and Ugly

Make sure you enjoy life.
I pray for you everyday and night
that God gives you peace
A hope and future

I offer to you
The present of friendship
Its a toll free option
That includes time space and understanding

Try as i might
I cant deny
I like you.

Live free, Be at peace, happy birthday

To the most Wonderful woman in the world to lukie and me

From Your Husband,
(yeah)


yes i "kinda" am a poet.

so an hour later i got this reply......

"Thank you and I hope that everything that you desire and every star that you reach for you will claim I only ask that you be patient not pushy, calm not care free, keep on loving and who knows one day the love might be returned."


Now i dont know...but i take it as hope for a better future.......did i mention that i hate foggese?

JS LOL now that has my creative juices flowing.....hah! i can just see it now.

Hey, nc... figured I'd check out your story since you've been so kind to respond to mine.

For me right now, I'd never right that poem to my wife. She would INSTANTLY claim to feel pressured or that I'm trying to "plead" or "convince" her of something. I've been positive around her, but also somewhat independent and even cold when necessary. Not in a rude way, just in a way that I'm showing her that I know I'm a good person and will be fine with or without her. As you know, I've lost a ton of weight to the point that friends I haven't seen for a while don't even recognize me. I dress better and wear cologne. I do my hair differently and I got my teeth whitened. I go to church and regularly pray for my wife. Not praying that she comes back, but praying for her mind to be filled with God's peace, and her heart to be filled with His love. I mow the lawn and blow off the driveway like my wife likes. I clean the garage regularly and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I do my own laundry when I see it piling up and continue my great relationship with the kids.

This is my Plan A.

I don't EVER say "I love you" or "How are you today?" or "I miss you" or try to hold her hand or hug her. Plan A is about my ACTIONS speaking for me.

I do see the fog thinning a bit... just a bit... but wanted to share with you my Plan A approach. I may not be perfect at it, but I feel great about myself these days.

My story: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...art=15&vc=1

Heard that OM is miffed(using mild language here) even "miffed that WW told me about him getting married soon.(Didnt he know that there is more than one source?)

anyway he is even more pissed(oops) that i told those who know him that i forgive his adultry and that i wish him the best of luck in his M (hah).

I know he didnt take that too well either.

either way i win.

Right at this moment ..i dont care...i am just going to listen to her when she speaks and go with the flow.
Standing my ground on Godly principles.

Well look who is finally learning to stand on his feet.

Anyway i know that it was a risk sending the above poem, but........i usually do this so why make it any different?

did you see the response?

i know for a fact that OM will try to contact WW and probably be upset w/ her about revealing that he is getting married. It maybe good and maybe bad but all is exposed so who cares?

oh yeah i do......for my wife.



tough.

i have to talk to her some how later.

That was cool, nc!

-ol' 2long

I liked the poem.

If you were sending one every day, yeah it would be too much, but it probably was meaningful to her to be reassured that even after all the awful things she's done, you still like her and think she's special.

AJ was very insecure for quite some time, and even is now, once in a while. In your W it may come out in a different way, but it is good that she can see you're still there for her, even on the bad days.

Just keep getting through this one day at a time, stay vigilant, and it sounds like you're doing very well.

wife said she wanted to get an apartment........feels like everyone knows "her" business. still looking at us as seperate. OM getting married at the end of the month.(supposed to) and WW look as if she is still pining away.

What a lousy morning.

OH 007, we're on one of those double rollercoasters, aren't we? FWW's on one track, BS's on the other.

I'm praying for you. You know this is fog fog fog, right?

thanks for the reminder.....guess what ? i just asked WW to lunch for friday and she cautiously accepted! Look i know for a fact that though i may not be able to proove it.....there is STILL Contact.

OMW is treating it as if i she is just a "friend" of her husband to be.

They are getting married at the end of the month.

All of a sudden, WW wants to know who have i told,haw many persons know. and worst of all last weekend was her birthday and she not once called on the weekend to say Hi.

I am so frustrated sometimes when such irrational behaviour is ok with her.

Now our DS is saying that he is sad because he misses his Mom.

What do i do how much does he needs to be told. Can i hide it from him?

At least i am not crying alot(except when i think of trying to give him a family).

I have to remember that it is only one day at a time.

OK so this morning we were talking and she says what?..........that she feels everyone knows her business. Then she ask me about a friend of ours that work with her.

No was my reply.

She then proceeded to ask about my IC and i told her about what i was learning about me.

Then she wanted to know what EA was .I told her and how deadly it is. Then she wanted to know what i told the IC about the OM, I told her about forgiveness and how the world isnt built level and you have characters of all type.

Then she said that i am still angry at OM (surprised?)

and that if i had adopted a bit of the wold then we would not be in this mess. That i would have studied for the working world, that i would have looked a good job, that i would have been a great dad. etc.

At the end i said that WW was right. however that was what i am working on now and also as long as god give me breath, i am going to fight to be a good husband.

I asked why is she talking "down" to me and why was she so angry.

She stated that i am out of OM league of friendship and that i must not discuss with IC about OM. (ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh i so wanted to divorce her right on the spot.)

she is just angry.angry.angry.

any WW or buddy can give me some imput as how to proceed?

lay low?

D?

this sucks...... OK no D.

I know that i have my faults and i am correcting them, but how can she talk to me like i am lower than her esteemed OM?

bump. anyone please help me understand here