I have posted my problem concerning emotional adultery elsewhere in aother forums on this website, but I have an overriding need to know if men are really more tolerant of opposite sex friendships than women?

My husband thinks I'm overreacting to his friendship with a widow in our cell group. She also appears to really like talking to him and often approaches him whether I'm around or not. My husband is a demonstrative person and thinks nothing of touching this lady's arm while talking to her, and I've heard him complimenting her on how good she looks.

He also sees nothing wrong in leaving my side to go and talk to this (and other ladies); at cell group meeting she used to sit next to them most of the time when we had tea. He would walk them to their cars and stand and chat there for a while as well.

He was very surprised and even indignant and defensive when I started to complain about his attentiveness towards other women and put it down to pure female jealousy. It led to quite a lot of conflict because he saw his friendships as harmless as he was just being kind to a widow without a husband. He often made half-promises to cool down his behaviour towards her, but he usually behaved in exactly the same way he had done before and I could see no change. I think he just promised to change to get me off his back without really meaning it. : <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Eventually we left the cell group because I wasn't happy with the way he behaved, but to this day he still claims that his behaviour was innocent and that he has done nothing wrong and added that most men would feel the same way and behave in the same manner. Is he correct when he says that?

It doesn't matter what others think. It bothers you. You need that behavior to stop for your sense of wellbeing. So then your husband should stop.

And now you say he did. So what you should say is, "Thankyou. I love it when you do things to make me feel better." Why are you having conversations with him about who is right or wrong? Who brings it up and why? What difference does it make?

My husband doesn't like the smell of garlic cooking in the house. In fact it nauseates him (when he was a young adult his mother would make spaghetti sauce at 6 AM on Sunday and he was probably hungover). I love garlic. But I stopped bringing it into the house because I love my husband--not to get him off my back. I don't say he should or shouldn't be nauseated by the smell. I do not ask other women their opinion as to whether there is something wrong with my husband's thinking about garlic.

I think there is something else going on in your marriage if you need to rehash this over and over.

He has stopped some of the behaviour, but he's still friendly with one particular lady,who's forever approaching him and virtually ignores me.When I ask him why his relationship with her still seems the same, he says that he knows she means nothing by her friendliness,with which I disagree. I think she's too forward with him and likes singling him out whenever she can, so it's my right to discuss this matter with him.

I know he still feels that he's doing no harm in having female friends and that he ended his friendship with a previous lady only under duress from me.

I am really curious to know if other men agree with his philosophy

I misunderstood. I thought he had agreed to stop but was arguing that he shouldn't have had to.

Choose a quiet time when you can be alone and he might be in a good 'listening mood'. Take his hands in yours and look him in the eyes and tell him it makes you uncomfortable and it is very important to you and that he stop.

He will probably say that you should not feel this way or there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Say, "I can appreciate that you might feel this way but it is important to me that you stop. I know you love me and you want to make me happy so I am confident that you will do this for me."

Do not get sucked into a debate over whether his view is right and yours is wrong. Simply reiterate that you appreciate his point of view but you need him to stop.

I think men can be just as threatened as woman. As someone said, it really matters how it makes you feel and he should be just as sensitive to your feelings as to how this 'other women' feels. Have you talk to a marriage counselor? You might need a unemotionally involved 3rd party to help you work through this issue before it becomes more serious than it is. Maybe find a marriage weekend or check out other websites for resources (I found alot on **edit**)...don't let this fester, I know from experience no good can come out of it.

Thanks for all your kind advice. I need to get the following off my chest: this morning my husband and I went to a restaurant for breakfast. Everything was fine except the waitress kept returning to our table to talk to us and of course my husband kept the conversation going.

Eventually she left us alone. Just before we left I went to the cloakroom and told my husband I'd meet him where I left him. When I came out, he was nowhere to be found, so I went around to the front of the building where he was very busily engaged in conversation with this lady plus another one. Even when I came nearer he still went on talking to them for a while. He only stopped talking because I said I was leaving.

It may sound like a trivial matter, but to me it's insensitive as he knows I'm still hurting from the previous encounters. it still shows me too, that he can't resist talking to other ladies because it's probably good for his ego, but what about my poor bruised ego. What do I do if he won't listen when I tell him it hurts me when he appears to like talking to other ladies so much and he keeps saying , men see these situations differently and I'm reading too much into it! Your views please!!

Thanks for all your kind advice. I need to get the following off my chest: this morning my husband and I went to a restaurant for breakfast. Everything was fine except the waitress kept returning to our table to talk to us and of course my husband kept the conversation going.

Eventually she left us alone. Just before we left I went to the cloakroom and told my husband I'd meet him where I left him. When I came out, he was nowhere to be found, so I went around to the front of the building where he was very busily engaged in conversation with this lady plus another one. Even when I came nearer he still went on talking to them for a while. He only stopped talking because I said I was leaving.

It may sound like a trivial matter, but to me it's insensitive as he knows I'm still hurting from the previous encounters. it still shows me too, that he can't resist talking to other ladies because it's probably good for his ego, but what about my poor bruised ego. What do I do if he won't listen when I tell him it hurts me when he appears to like talking to other ladies so much and he keeps saying , men see these situations differently and I'm reading too much into it! Your views please!!