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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11 |
Hi all, please help!
I tried searching, but didn't find answer. DDay was 3.5 weeks ago. WH is still living here and says he is not seeing OW. He says he is staying for now for our DD, and his parents who we live with. He is treating me well, however, he still hasn't said that he wants to try to work on our M for us. I have brought up the idea of counseling but he says he is not ready. I know he can be on the verge of contacting OW everyday. If we don't get help, I believe he eventually will. HOW CAN I GET HIM TO GO WITHOUT PRESSURE? Or when is the ideal time? He is still in withdrawal and obviously not in love with me yet. PLEASE HELP!
PS - I am following the love bank and EN ideals. I treat him like gold and am taking care of myself. He has a safe environment to be honest, I just wish he would open up. I am going to see a MC starting Tuesday by myself to see if his way of MC is agreeable with me.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
He isn't your H...yet and he isn't ready for any MC. You go for you. Better yet, if you could call Steve H @ MB you can get a personal recovery plan going 4 u.
Right now you are all placating an Xws. What incentive does he have to change?
L.
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11 |
Orchid, you are absolutely right. He isn't my H, but an ALIEN who I don't know. I will get myself help for now.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
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Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
We started counselling the afternoon after d-day (d-day was in the middle of the night).
I found a phone number in the yellow pages and we made an appointment for that afternoon. When I explained the situation she saw my H first, then me, then both of us together.
She was very good (pro marriage) and it was the best thing we did - going that very day.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
I kinda agree with Jen. As long as there is NC, go to MC ASAP. If he is in any contact, affair is ongoing and you are wasting cash.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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