Well, even if the actual phone number didn't show up, wouldn't there be a record of the call...perhaps as "private" or "blocked?"

Stillhurting01,

My girlfriend, who works in the office, and who couldn't get back with me earlier due to her parent's health conditions, finally emailed me back saying, "I don't know anything".

Believer,


Okay. The meeting is tomorrow morning. Steve did very well with my husband last time. I think there may be more honesty this time by my husband (see update below).

Fiatflux,


I am assuming that the phone records that I couldn't find last week were due to "landline" phones not recording "toll free" calls. I just don't know what else to conclude.

I do know that we both stressed out over it, since he used the company landline phone after he said he wouldn't subject our marital privacy to the main office phone.

I questioned him on how he seems to be protecting our marital privacy while WAITING to let go of his secretary, but not for our current session appointments with Steve.

Yesterday, I began to hemorrhage slightly. Too much stress these days.

Owl,


I think the main reason my husband wants to wait until the summer to let go of "Blondie" is because he fears "exposure" of inappropriate behavior with his secretary.

He'd rather remove her from the job when the workload is light so that people don't suspect anything.

He does have a good opportunity this summer since he lost a profitable order recently, which was the order that has been COVERING his business sibling's spending corruption.

Cutting back is now going to be mandatory, and my husband is very good at waiting for the PERFECT moment to break bad news.

Not only does he have the 2nd position in the family-owned corporation, but also he works with his relatives and has the "utmost respect" for all of his employees (hired hand).

He doesn't want another lawsuit against the company, which happened the last time an employee was "fired" by one of his siblings.

And on and on…

OBSERVING,

Just got back from a vacation, Glad to hear you heard from your friend. Do you believe her?

Still

Update…

TAXES:

My husband has been pretty good about not holding grudges lately as we work on our marriage.

UNTIL he found out how much he had to PAY on his filed separately income tax return. He's been angry ever since!

I take NO responsibility. He used to complain every year that my business raised his taxes. But now he KNOWS that my business REDUCED his taxes.

VEHICLE:

Last week, after I went to bed on Wednesday night, my husband left the house with his vehicle for about 6 minutes and never bothered to tell me. He doesn't know that I know this.

EMAIL:

The email recovery programs that I used on my husband's computer only showed automatically deleted emails, NONE of our private emails (or possibly other email) that he manually deleted from the Deleted Items folder.

Now that I set his email program to automatically empty the Deleted Items folder upon closing the program, my email recovery program can collect his intentionally deleted emails in the future.

With this setting now in place, I did find ONE email that he sent to a different secretary last week, which he deleted (knowing that I'm checking his email) and he had signed it "your friend and boss". He doesn't know that I know this.

Why did he delete it unless he didn't want me to find it? He has already told me that if he didn't want me to know about his emails, he would have deleted them.

I think after our last meeting, he should be conducting himself more business-like when it comes to his secretaries. That is, leave friendships with the opposite sex out of his business communication.

HONESTY:

As my husband prepares for his meeting with Steve tomorrow morning, I did find computer information that verifies the following:

1. He doesn't know if he's in love with me
2. He doesn't know if he wants to be honest with me
3. He is questioning our "chemistry"

That's more like the REAL him.

I think he is beginning to be honest now.

But he would NEVER admit this to ME.

I tossed and turned all night last night, thinking about how he could question our chemistry and then claim to be completely satisfied with our sexual relationship (his #1 EN) in the same breath, especially after our 4 days of recent romantic bliss (described in a previous post).

If there was anything that I didn't doubt about us, it was our chemistry. If he doesn't think we have the chemistry, what am I trying to save?

Well, my husband had his session with Steve Harley this morning.

But he never brought up the secret meeting with his secretary that he had planned (and I foiled) – even though it is the NEW and MAIN ISSUE!

I know. He's not going to bust himself.

He did mention (only part) of the inappropriate email and shrugged it off as an exaggerated issue by a "complex" wife.

It was Steve who brought up his Strategy (plan to improve behavior). Therefore my husband talked about how I wanted an answer to a question about his Strategy. My husband generalized the question, so that it didn't have the same meaning.

Luckily, Steve wants to hear from me and so I'll be setting up a session soon, once my husband informs me of this.

And boy, do I have my questions lined up now!

My husband managed to make himself appear rather innocent.

When Steve brought up "lack of trust" as being an issue, my husband changed the subject so as to make my "resentment" to be what is holding us back from making progress as a married couple.

Oh, brother! If he'd stop pointing the finger of blame at me, he could see that we can't progress with our relationship UNTIL he can be TRUSTED.

Stillhurting01,


No.

"My husband managed to make himself appear rather innocent."

LOL, he won't fool Steve. He's talked to millions of WS's and heard all kinds of versions of the truth.

Believer,


I'm counting on that.

This is my 10th day of hemorrhaging (marital stress).

If it continues for 30 days, I'll have to see a doctor, huh?

My husband's session with Steve Harley came and went without much changing in our relationship.

Actually, my husband did take me out for dinner to break the news that Steve wanted to discuss things with me before giving my husband advice.

But I got sick (weak) during dinner and had to cut it short and laid down in his vehicle for the trip home.

That's about where our marriage stands. I mean falls. That is, I think I have hit bottom. I'm trying to find my way up.

And I'm still waiting for my turn with Steve.

So today, I got this idea while lying in bed…

That I could email "Blondie" MYSELF and let her know that since she struck 3 times (email, phone, visit) with inappropriate behavior toward my husband – she's OUT!

And that she has 14 days to quit her job before I EXPOSE to the entire county to protect my marriage from her assault.

I think the draft letter turned out great, could stand in court if necessary, and goes with what the Bible says in that if you have a problem with someone, go to them and try to work it out to win them over before going public with it.

Other goals for the letter would be to create conflict in an existing Emotional Affair, upset her to "spill the beans" if there is more to find out, and keep her OFF the company phone for calling my husband.

I figured that with this letter, my husband would come out as the innocent one and she would come out as the guilty one and would quit on her own – rather quickly.

If that didn't work, I would EXPOSE the story right outside the door of the corporate building, handing brochures to anyone walking in.

She would be out of there in a flash because NO ONE would want me to stand outside, embarrassing the entire family-owned business. Yeah!

What's more, alongside the horror my husband would experience over exposure at the front door, he would also KNOW how much I want to keep him!

But then I remembered something.

I had RELUCTANTLY agreed with my husband during our last 7-hour meeting to wait until the summer to have Blondie removed from her job.

Therefore, I decided to text message my husband immediately with the following message to give him a chance to remove her before I blow the whole scene out of the water on Monday (via email):

"I think it's best for our marriage: talk to Blondie tomorrow, layoff within 14 days. Count from Monday."

He happened to be on his way home from a trip with our son, and walked into the bedroom with a GLARE on his face.

Hmm, I thought. This is going to be interesting.

Who's going to come out the winner – me or his secretary?

It was all I could do to hold back a smile.

I decided that we didn't need to argue, although we did somewhat.

Because I had all the strength I needed in the letter I was about to send to Blondie that would do the trick.

And he would know I meant business by Monday morning if he wasn't going to talk to her tomorrow, on Friday.

He agreed to give her notification.

But not without the typical self defense, accusations and excuses.

I questioned everything he said that showed how he was protecting everyone EXCEPT his wife.

And that I doubt I even matter to him at all if he wants to HIDE things from me concerning other women and then do NOTHING about protecting our marriage.

He did say that he was happy I wanted to protect our marriage.

He also said that he agreed "100%" (thanks to the email I found that provides some evidence) that she needs to go, but just thought he should be given more time since her removal will be a "bombshell" for the company.

He left to go back to work.

Tomorrow is the day of notice for Blondie and I hope to get it on a voice recorder since I now have a competent battery for the device.

Whew! My husband was ONE weekend away from exposure (via email to his secretary).

Wait!

As I write, my husband comes home to tell me that he has a problem.

He said that Blondie announced to him, on his way out from work tonight, that she won't be at work tomorrow because she is helping her ailing mother.

So I suggested my husband go back to work and take care of it NOW (after hours at that).

He left again.

Crap! Now I can't get the whole thing on the voice recorder, unless he comes back with another excuse.

He did it.

He came back home from work, within record time, after leaving.

That seemed too fast (meeting could have been only 10 minutes at the most).

I waited in the bedroom to hear the news.

Later in the evening, he told me he "did the dirty deed" and broke the news to Blondie that she will be out of work by Mother's Day.

He used an existing financial reason.

She said "there must be more" of a reason. He kept to the point and then got out of there as soon as possible.

He said the repercussions will come later.

I said, "thank you, now I can breathe" and smiled.

Good night.

Well, let's hope she goes, and doesn't start a law suit or something. It will be much easier to work on the marriage with her out of the picture.

Quick update:

Traveling right now with some of my kids. Almost had to give up the annual trip due to declining health.

Got word from my husband that Blondie's last day of work will be sooner than we had thought - in just 2 more days, which is almost immediate!

Wonder what happened in the last 24 hours. Might be information on the voice recorder when I get back this weekend.

Is Blondie out of work?

Today is supposed to be the first day of no contact.

I asked my husband for details (while I'm on the road).

He hasn't been very generous with answers.

Guess I have to wait until I get back.

Believer,


Yes, and now I will be watching for any contact with this woman whatsoever.

As of now, he doesn't appear to be going through withdrawal.

Observing:

NC isn't in place because she is no longer in the office.

Please continue to monitor email/cell/other methods.

Then you can find out if NC has been established.

LG

Good. Watch very carefully, but continue with recovery as if she was out of the picture.

If she is no longer working with him, you need to let him know how much you appreciate his willingness to make things better for recovery.

He was home when I got back.

That means he left work an hour early to be there to greet us. He has never done that before.

That was a GOOD MOVE on his part.

By bedtime, I wanted to be in his arms desperately!

But I didn't show that I felt this way, except with smiles and appreciation, since I didn't know what had happened with Blondie while I was gone.

I felt like it was time for HIM to lead us in our relationship. That is, if he doesn't feel like being affectionate, then I don't want to impose it on him.

I was resigned to the fact that I can't make him love me. I can't make him happy unless he wants to be.

He gave me a hug and a kiss in bed and then turned over and went to sleep.

The next day, Saturday, after he got home from a half-day of work, I asked him if he had plans for the day.

His list was so long that I quickly realized he had NO plans of spending time with ME that day. I accepted it (with a painful heart).

By Sunday morning, he had figured out that I wanted to hear about how things went while I was gone.

After all, we had been keeping in touch with brief text messages on each other's whereabouts and activities.

On the trip, I went so far as to request more details from him about Blondie's layoff, but I never got an emailed answer.

That hurt. And I began to think that there was more he wanted to hide from me.

Then Sunday morning, about 5-10 minutes before we were to leave the house with the kids, he asked me if I wanted to hear about what happened while I was gone.

I said yes, and that I have wanted to know since I had text messaged him days ago.

But I asked him if 5-10 minutes was sufficient time for such a conversation, and commented that I didn't think it was - for all that I would like to know.

We agreed to talk when we got back home in the afternoon.

That afternoon, as we began our conversation, he gave me that "serious look" (unlike him) and he took my hand and he kissed me.

After he was done telling me the story, and after he implied that he told me everything, I said:

"This is not a good time to withhold honesty from me because it makes me think that you're hiding something."

He replied:

"If there's more...you're going to have to tell me."

Yeah, right. Like I'm supposed to tell him what I know (vehicle tracking, computer keylogging) so that he can admit to only those things and then tell me no more.

That's when he revealed to me that Blondie left with:

1. A $500.00 Bonus
2. One week of paid vacation

I kept silent and waited.

And I waited.

But he still would NOT tell me that he was at the office after hours AGAIN and that this happened before Blondie's last day of work and while I was out of town!